I met very good boy, but I don't really feel anything?

I know a boy who is perfect, but really. He is very kind , calm, gentelman,

He isn't the kind of guy who want girl only to bed because even we know each other for 2 months he never tried to have sex with me..

He also isn't definitely cheater or player

he is responsible, has good job and he is also handsome - tall , slim, blue eyes..

I always dreamed to be with exactly such guy but now I don't feel anything. Even he's handsome and so nice, I don't feel any chemistry , anything.. When we kiss it's like kissing a brother..

And I don't desire sex with him..

I don't know if I should become his girlfriend, I told him I need time but he won't be waiting forever..

My ex boyfriend was aggressive, and liar.. but I was so in love with him !

I am so confused.. what do you think I should do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Listen.. don't feel bad for all the criticising comments .. you simply can't help what you are attracted to.

    It is not your job, nor your obligation to reciprocate feelings for someone. Just as it isn't a guy's job nor obligation to reciprocate your feelings. You just have to be aware, kind and responsible.

    Breakups are very hard, but they are inevitable if you are forcing yourself into a relationship. So tell him kindly but firmly that you think he is a perfect man, however you are not feeling the spark . Like someone else said,younger girls are more into bad boy persona...

    The other option is to teach him how to be more ''aggressive'' .. just go on amazon and google for books

    link

    link

    People who criticise you usually have standards themselves.. and won't just get with any girl because she is a ''good'' girl . They want to feel attracted.

    Good luck

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What Guys Said 14

  • Don't sleep with him. Friendzone him firmy but kindly. I got together with soneone because everything made sense, but like you, there wasn't any chemistry. I was just wishfull thinking that it would grow over time. I hurt both of us when I broke it off.

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  • You are a typical woman. A perfect man is right in front of you but you love "assh*le bad guys".

    This is the reason guys are forced to be assh*les. Guys really don't want to be. A good nice guy hardly gets women but the bad guy almost always gets women.

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  • It sounds like you're not ready for a healthy relationship. Toxic, chaotic situations sound more exciting to you. He may have developed a maturity you're not ready for.

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  • That's the way women are. They choose the a**holes, but complain there are no "good" guys out there. This contributes to more a**holes since guys see how women are choosing and become that so they, too, can get women.

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  • this seems to a characteristic of some women pariticularly younger women to feel the way you do. for whatever reason I think a lot of younger women are attacted to the "bad boy" from a chemistry standpoint even if they know that the "good guy" is what's best for them

    I don't think you should be with a guy because you feel like "you should" be with him. you can't force feelings and you certainly don't want to lead him on in the hopes that you can manufacture feelings somewhere along the line.

    maybe you can just explain to him how you feel. tell him you think he's amazing, attractive but you just don't feel a physical chemistry and you aren't sure what to do. you don't want to lose him but you don't want to lead him on.

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  • You don't seem to like this guy, so just let him go. You'll have plenty of time to regret him later.

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  • I try explaining this to my friend's, who still think being nice to girls will somehow sway them there way. From what you describe, he's physically ideal. What he's missing is that a**hole vibe that seems to be an aphrodisiac to most in there 20's. I think you should let the guy go, don't even do the friends zone thing. One girl said that to me in the past, and I just told her I'm not desperate or plan on being gay. Save that for somebody that is.

    I'm sure after you bang a few a**holes who treat you like garbage, you will wish this guy came back in your life.

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  • The Dark Triad strikes again.

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  • Does he not challenge you? Has a personality that is unattractive? If he's "perfect", maybe he's too good for a girl like you? People seem to think chemistry is noticed after a few dates. Not true...many times it takes time.

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  • There are three criteria that pretty much everyone follows when choosing a lover. The three "F"s, if you will.

    Fun

    Funny

    F***able

    Fun means you have a good time when you're with him. Funny means he makes you laugh at stupid sh*t. F***able means you want to rail his brains out. Nothing else really matters. Not in the short term, anyway. These are the things that make you want to have a relationship with someone. All that other stuff, being kind, calm, gentlemanly, responsible, honest, all comes into play later. That's never at the front.

    Anyway. It doesn't sound to me like he's meeting any of these criteria for you, therefore, you're not interested.

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    • But looking at your criteria.. Fun - yes I have a good time with him, really . Maybe he isn't the funniest guy I 've met but definitely he is funny and fun to be with .

      The only thing is that he doens't turn me on, and when we kiss I don't feel anything.. it's like kissing a brother. maybe our genes just don't match?

    • Clearly not very f***able then, is he? At least, not where you're concerned.

  • this is the great example of why girls do not get with nice guys. It's not the niceness that is a problem. It's that they are typically so sexless, so boring, so lacking in adventure... he doesn't try to have sex with you, which makes you feel unattractive and makes you feel like less of a woman. It may not be rational, but it hits the part of your brain that isn't rational.

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    • No, I like it that he doesn't try to have sex with me, it means that he is serious guy who isn't sleeping around.. He shows me in other ways that I am attractive, telling compliments, kisses, hugs, the way he looks at me and that he spends a lot of time with me, it means more than just sex. I like his personality but I don't really LIKE him.

    • Yeah that's the rational part of your mind talking. The fact is that subconciously he's turning you off completely.That's why you don't like him.

  • I think you should leave him. You need some bad boy lovin'

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  • The sad story of the nice guy.

    It seems like you have found the "perfect guy" but since your definition of love is an emotionally abusive relationship, you feel no chemistry. Think about what you just wrote. You obviously think he is your "dream guy" but you also feel that he is boring and predictable.

    When you hit your late 20's you will regret passing up a guy like this and you will most likely complain that there are no more nice guys left.

    If you do go out with this guy, you will probably just end up breaking his heart.

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    • My definition of love isn't abusive relationship. And I don't find this guy to be boring, he always invents a lot of things we do together.. even if he doesn't like doing something he will agree and do it for me!

      I don't know really why I don't feel anything for him..

  • Don't date him, spare him the time and the pain. If you feel attracted to aggressive liars don't ruin a nice guy for a nice girl. Attraction is not an ideal, it's organic and uncontrollable. Just learn what you're attracted to and make peace with yourself. But the guy doesn't deserve a "convenience" relationship.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Ugh tricky situation. At least you are aware of your problem. You like excitement, danger and clearly this guy can't provide that for you in the same way. Try to find out why you feel this way and if it can be solved with therapy. But in the meanwhile, be honest with him. He probably won't believe the typical excuse "it's not you, it's me", so tell him exactly how you feel, about the ex boyfriend and everything.

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    • But I told him about my feelings and that I don't know why I feel so, and that maybe I need time to fall for him. He can't understand it neither and asks me what he can do to get me.. I know one day he will just leave..

      And I told him about my ex boyfriend too, and he can't understand why I even liked my ex, he was like "why such nice girl like you liked a guy like him?"

    • OK, I've read up on it a bit and I think this may be a self esteem issue from your side. You may think you don't deserve someone better than a guy who treats you like absolute crap. You may also partially like guys who don't give in to you and who make it hard for you to be with them. That's a whole other topic and you will have to work on it to stop being attracted to guys who aren't good for you.

  • He's too nice meaning he's boring. At least that's what you think. That being said, you don't have to date him. There's pros and cons to good boys and pros and cons to bad boys. Weigh them out and then choose. P.S, the only pro to a bad boy is sex. That's all they are good for.

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  • You're obviously not attracted to him so just friend zone him.

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