Ex left me 5 months ago for younger girl after 8 years together. Any opinions?

Haven't been on here in a while. It's been 5 months since my ex left me basically for someone else. He immediately started seeing her like less than a month after he dumped me. ( found out about a month ago all the terrible details) we were together 8 years & I have known him for 15. I haven't seen or spoken to him since he broke it off. I'm not sure what I'm asking. The girl he left me for is much younger then both of us( were in our early 30s) and pretty. They've been together this entire time or most of it. He hangs out with all her friends now who are like 23..I am really trying to move on but I just feel so betrayed & never can get them out of my mind. I don't get how he can move on so quickly. I guess I can't call it a rebound... I feel like we never mattered.it just makes me feel like sh*t. I've started seeing a therapist. People keep saying I should start dating but I just don't want to. Don't feel ready at all. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel lost & empty. Any opinions would be great.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • well I know it's hard but don't concern yourself with him. your focus should be on you. It is a clear issue on his part and probably a rebound or some of relationship that is stroking his ego by being with a younger girl...but lets be honest it probably won't last right?

    i've been in bad break-ups and situations where a girl moved on before me and I wondered how could this be? chances are that the person is trying to fill some hole in their life, trying to boost their self-esteem

    for you, you should just be of the mindset "good riddance to old garbage". now isa time for you to re-connect with friends, family, and people who value you and love you and will remind of all the good that there is in life and around you. Indulge in your hobbies and try to relish your independence. I'm sure another guy will come along but now is a time to really take advantage of the time you have to focus on yourself. go on a vacation with some friends, try a new hobby, or if it floats your boat maybe find your own rebound for the time being. but I've often felt like when people are going through a tough break-up it is a time when a little bit of selfishness is warranted as it helps to re-establish feelings of one's own self worth

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What Guys Said 5

  • Hey Alone83, our situation is sort of similair.

    I had to leave my ex in Dec. She wanted to out with an older guy who was 34 as 'friends'. But I suspected more. And after I was forced to stand my ground and dump her, I found out there was definitely more.

    It doesn't hurt me as much now, I actually think that 34 year old guy is a complete loser. And she's just really strange.

    But I still feel that I will always love her, not as in 'being in love' but as in care very deeply for.

    Now I totally understand what you are going through, I also spent almost every day of those 4 years with her.

    I don't know how they can move on that fast either, it's just their emotions. Apparently he's having 'fun' now. As is my ex (atleast I think she is). So they just don't really feel bad at all. Maybe that will come later, maybe not at all.

    What I did to feel 'slightly' better:

    Immediately after the break I saw all my unattractive traits and started working on them, I went for a run almost every day and quit gaming. To be honest I've sort of fallen back into my old habits, but the point is it made me feel slightly better at the time.

    I also started 'dating' in June and it has I guess helped me in some ways, but in others it has made me realize what I lost was special.

    Just have as much fun as you can and try to get some exercise in every (other) day. It won't always keep your mind off it, but it will feel asif your accomplishing something. Which helped me a lot.

    So basically excercise and do fun things with friends, get a new hobby. Maybe try dating out. But it don't expect too much of it ;) And in time you will feel less pain.

    It will always be there, but you have to learn to live with it.

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    • And since you might be able to answer my latest question, and if you have the time, please have a look (click on my profile--> questions).

  • I'm sorry all of that happened. I think the therapist is a wonderful idea. I went through something similar not long ago, and I started seeing a therapist and was really surprised at how helpful it was. Also, a generous dose of friends, exercise, and focused mental effort got me through everything. Its horrible losing someone that was such a permanent fixture in your life, but a big key is realizing that despite missing someone so much, you can still be happy without them. You won't stop feeling lost or empty overnight, but try to focus on making it less and less as the days go by.

    A big piece of advice that helped me (that is easier to advise than it will be to implement) is to try to set your thoughts away from what your ex is doing. I know its hard to let go of him, but ultimately you have to realize that it doesn't matter what he's doing or who he's doing it with. Where he is today isn't worth a single cycle of your brain power anymore, because he became the sort of guy that would leave you after 8 years.

    It took me almost a year to decide I wanted to start dating again. There were a few people pressing me to start earlier than I wanted, but it was easy to ignore. I understand feeling like you two never mattered, but its probably a safe assumption on my part that you two were happy for a big slice of those 8 years. This might feel contradictory to my previous paragraph, but look fondly upon those years when you can. Know that in time you can find that again with someone new.

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  • I'd say he's a bit young for a midlife crisis. And it sounds pretty immature of him to leave you for a 23 yo.

    He moved on quickly, in my opinion, because it had been a while since he didn't love you anymore.

    It's normal that you feel lost, it was a long relationship. But you are still young, being 30. So hang out with your friends, let time pass and move on. You'll find someone else.

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  • You're either cheating, or you're getting cheated on. That's what they say.

    "Humans" and "monogamy" seem to be a terrible match.

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  • I know its hard , but you got to move on . That's all you can do sometimes.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Chances are, your guy was seeing her long before he left you - no one finds someone that quick unless they've already got their backup plan in place. Proof enough he's not good enough for you. If you want to deconstruct this further - he found himself a more willing, pliable woman - not a prettier version, a less mature and worldly version who looks up to him and doesn't question him too much. Sure, they can have things in common and be a good match without those factors, but he's soothing his ego in this new relationship.

    Keep seeing your therapist - realize this is not your fault. Date if and when you feel ready, not before that. Keep yourself content - learn something new, make sure you stay busy with friends and hobbies and family. It is never easy getting over a heartbreak like this, but time will help so much. Another thing? Keep a little anger within you with him in mind - cheaters like to come back begging when they realize the other side is just like the side they were running from. You will be strong, you will be loved and you will move on.

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  • Keep seeing your therapist. Time (and it may be a long time) is the only thing to make the pain stop. My husband on 10 years cheated and left me. He never wanted children and she had one that he was all over. I can't explain the pain. I only got out of bed for work and even then I called in a lot. It's been 3 years and I've tried a few relationships but I find myself wanting to run away so that I don't get hurt again.

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  • That's his fault! You seem great. Don't worry about him. Just be you. You'll get back into dating when you see the right person. He's probably going through that stage where he needs to make himself feel young. He's being a normal guy. Just leave him be. You'll find the right one and it will be great for you! When he finds out those horrible details he'll now know how it will feel. But, at least you'll be happy. Don't think about him. Your doing great! Keep going hun!:)xx

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