Do I have a right to be upset?

So my boyfriend and I had been talking about moving in together. My lease was coming up and my landlord informed me that she wanted to do renovations in the space, so I would have to get out.

So for the past month and a half I have been trying to find accomodations. My boyfriend suggested we move in together, and I was okay with the idea.

We had talked about it at length throughout the last month and a half, even when I was still just looking for a place on my own.

However, just this past weekend, he informed me that he no longer wants to do this.

I am now like 4 days away from moving, and have no place to live.

He is a recovering alcoholic and suffers from depression. He has been sober for 2 years. This weekend he was stressing hard about a course he is taking and just had a breakdown. I don't think he drank, but he talked about killing himself.

Now, he was telling me this and I was trying to talk to him. Then he basically told me to gtfo, leave him alone, screw living with you etc... *I haven't done anything wrong to him, ever!*

So I did. But obviously this situation caused me some high degree of stress. I haven't slept well for days, and I am essentially homeless at the end of the week.

He has a place to stay, a job and a family who helps him with stuff. I can definitely appreciate his illness, but I feel he is also being a tad selfish, or at least doesn't understand how worried I was.

Today after no contact for a couple days, he told me that he is feeling better and then simply said "Apologies if I worried you".

I have been doing nothing by crying and not sleeping and being crazy stressed the past few days. All while trying to quickly find a place in my limited time.

About him telling me to not contact him. He told me to not call or text him when he was having his breakdown. So I'm not sure if he actually meant that or if he was just saying that in the moment. He's contacted me a couple times since. Said we could talk after he had some time to get his head straight. Once to ask if the place we had said we wanted had contacted me (seems like we luckily didn't get it). The other was last night when he said he feels better and sorry if he worried me.
I guess I just don't know what to say to him. I'm angry that he helped put me in such a crunch, but at the same time I don't want to fault him because he is suffering from something and also battling an addiction. I guess what makes me upset is that he simply apologized if I was worried, and didn't say anything about the position he has put me in house-wise. I can't really stay with my parents, as they live 2 hours (one way) from my job, and friends, well no one has offered to let me stay.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You have every right to be upset with him.

    Do you have anyone to stay with? Could you stay with him for just a few days until you found a place?

    Being someone who's dated someone with severe depression, you need to REALLY think if this is something you can handle your entire life. It's not easy, and it's probably going to be a constant struggle for him. If you can handle the mood swings, and possibly being victimized for nothing sometimes then go for it. I myself couldn't cope with it. 3 years was my breaking point, and I haven't looked back once. I feel a lot better.

    Right now, don't focus on this guy, focus on YOU. Look for a place, and forget the drama. Once that's established, THEN take a loot at your relationship, and work on what you want to do with that. You just need to prioritize!

    • Thanks for your advice, this helped me! I have no idea whether I could stay with him or not (he told me he didn't want to talk to me during this situation). So not sure if he actually means that or what. He's contacted me a couple times since. I'm angry with him for hte position he helped put me in. But I do still care about him and do like him. This is out of character for him. At this point I have no one to stay with. I'm still looking for a place and trying to scramble together something.

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