I hate myself for waiting on my ex, help?

I brokeup with him around 3 months ago because I was over his temper. I've spent time alone since and I realize how much he never put effort into the relationship, would blame me for problems he caused. Since we broke up, he's told me he doesn't want to speak to me three different times. Every time we go into no contact, he's back within three weeks telling me how he misses me. At the moment, I'm out of the country and won't be back till new year. The last few times we spoke he said he missed me and wanted to know when I'm coming back. He even told me he missed speaking to my mum, ridiculous as he never expressed much of a liking towards her. I know I have to move on, as much as I care he will never be the partner I want. Problem is I keep thinking about him and waiting for him to contact me (I won't start conversation). I hate myself for waiting on a misogynistic who didn't treat me okay. What can I do?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Despite popular belief, one needs to invest as much effort in getting over a love as much as they invest in building it. You need to first accept the fact that you two are not meant to be for the long haul. You have loved him as much as you can love him, and you have given him all that you can give; however, you two just are not a good fit for one another.

    You are not alone though, the finality of realizing "it's actually over" more times than not influences many of us to hold on longer or stay in relationships far too long when we know we have no business doing so. We simply stay because it's comfortable and convenient to do so with someone that we have a history with.

    That said, I encourage you to follow Madhatters4 advice. Occupy your free time. Stay busy, join a gym, hang out with friends, site see, go dancing and interact with guys that you find attractive.

    Also, if need be, remove any sentimental items that remind you of him. People often stay emotionally attached much longer than they should, because they hold on to pictures, gifts, clothing and other items that remind them of their former partner.

    Last but not least, tell him that it's over and stick to your guns. I have a suspicion that once he accepts that it's over as well, it will be substantially easier for you to let go.

    Good Luck,

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What Guys Said 4

  • this is a pretty natural feeling I think. I don't think you want your ex or really are waiting your ex particular, but it's more that you are waiting on that feeling of someone who cares for you and someone with whom you do have a close bond and relationship. For your sake really put your foot down on the no contact thing. It is impossible to get over something completely and move forward if you constantly fall back on them.

    indulge yourself in hobbies, friends, etc. Just fill your time with fun things to do. It doesn't mean that you won't miss hearing from him or want to hear from him but if you can just fill your time with other things at least you won't be sitting around waiting to hear from him. I remember in a similar situation I (the only time in my life) indulge in a casual sex relationship. I felt like it was teh only way just make focus on something else, feel fulfilled (to some extent), and care for (again to some extent)... I'm not saying doing this but is an example of how you'll just need to commit to finding things to distract yourself

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  • This is normal, regardless of how your treated, your going to have a big void to fill where he used to fit, but all these emotions are, are what gets you ready for what your really worthy of, and that's a guy who can and will treat you the way you desire and deserve, so don't worry to much about how you feel, this will pass, and you will move on to better and bigger things, don't step back and think he's all you have, this is the first day of the rest of your life, and it only gets better, so don't settle for the same old same old, get that man who knows he can make the effort to be worthy of your talents, not some idiot whos just moody all the time,x

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  • I'd use your time out of the country as a tool to distance yourself from him and try to move on. Ik you're probably thinking about him a lot, but I promise you, the more time and distance you put between yourself and him, the better off you'll be. Honestly I wish I had that kind of opportunity, to just get out of the country for a while and cut off contact with my ex. We're still friends, go to the same school, live in the same building, and its torture because I can't go one goddamn day without thinking about or being reminded of her. So use your time away to your advantage.

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  • It is alright it is normal to feel attachment after a break up. First thing you need to do is be honest with yourself. You and him are done and you have to move on. You both need to decide if by moving on you want to remain friends or if you can't you two need to cut one another out of each others lives entirely or else it will just add more confussion and hurt into the process.

    If you are having trouble moving on I recomend reading "The Five Stages of Grief" it helped me when I broke up with my ex.

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What Girls Said 2

  • He sounds exactly like my ex, who turned out to be a classic, textbook narcissist.

    I couldn't get over him for a long time, either, until I found an online support group. I've been there a year and a half and they helped me through all my struggles. Now I realize what a POS he was and wouldn't want him back in my life for all the money in the world.

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  • Stop talking to him in any form. Block him on your phone and any social medias. You will keep feeling that way until enough time has passed.

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