Is the second break up my fault?

My ex boyfriend and I started dating again after he came back to me and wanted me back. Earlier, and thus we broke up; he cheated on me two times and lied all the time. But I wanted to forgive. And as we dated, and everything was going well, he started talking non stop to this girl, including seeing her. Whenever I asked if he wanted to meet, he said "We'll see!" or "Maybe!" but he always hung out later. But I felt like I was plan B untill something else came up, does that sound right? So, I asked him where he stood, and if he wanted to get back together, and he replied "I don't know.. We don't trust each other" or "I want to be able to talk to whoever I want" or "I don't want us to break up again"

So I started getting depressed about it, and took it out in crying and nagging. So he dumped me because I was to much of a mess and said it was my fault, and that he'd rather take a chance with this other girl. Was it my fault it ended?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • HELL no!..you had every right to react like that. You saw his behavior, he was seeing her and needed an excuse to dump you and make it look like you caused it so he doesn't have to deal with the guilt of what a heartless , cheating lying sack of sh*t he is, he will do the same to her, please NEVER go back, he is a waste of space and you deserve a man who could NEVER step out on you. The only thing you did do wrong, was giving the douche bag snake another chance to hurt you again, don't go there again!

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What Guys Said 8

  • When someone cheats on you it destroys trust. It's almost impossible to come back from that.

    And in a world with an endless selection of honest, attractive, fun men it's illogical for you to try to make things work with him.

    Which means getting back with him wasn't about logic, it was about your feelings.

    The problem here isn't with your feelings - feelings aren't a choice. How you FEEL about some a**hole who cheats on you isn't your choice. You can't help that you still want him.

    But what you FEEL and what you CHOOSE are two different things.

    Realize this - we teach people how to treat us. If you're willing to date a guy who cheats on you then what are you teaching him?

    Let me ask you this - if your very best girlfriend wanted to get back with some ex who had cheated on her TWICE, what would you tell her? Wouldn't you be so angry?

    You don't need to be angry with yourself for making poor choices, because that's how you learn.

    But you SHOULD try to learn from this.

    Your feelings aren't a choice. But your decisions ARE a choice.

    It's not your fault that the relationship didn't work... but it IS your responsibility now that it didn't work. Your life and your happiness doesn't come from chasing your emotions, chasing some guy who can't be trusted. Your happiness comes from making the tough decisions... like ignoring how you feel and using your wisdom to avoid this guy, instead of chasing him.

    Basically your feelings don't matter - use your head and your heart together next time and you'll FEEL better no matter what happens.

    There's nothing helps us forget an ex as meeting someone new worth getting to know.

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

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  • The second brake-up was a continuation of the first. The reasons behind the second brake-up are the same in my opinion. It's infidelity and trust. Not your fault, arguably his, in any case, it happened and nothing can change it. What now?

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  • sounds like it was more his then your fault.

    if you feel like your plan b, the relationship is not working the way it should.

    the only thing you did wrong is, you should have broken up with him and not he with you!

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  • It sounds like he never really wanted to get back together. It wasn't your fault. You just pushed him to do it faster. Don't get too attached so easily.

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  • i think he might hav come back to you because he would hav wanted the sexual relation which he was missing after the break up...he might not have come back for something serious...

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  • i mean it is your fault but it also is his fault. he's a crummy boyfriend. he's lied and cheated, and as a result you don't trust him or feel valued. when given a second chance he still do the right thing and so your distrust for him manifested in your actions.

    ultimately it's a mutual issue. you don't trust him and you act on that lack of trust. he does nothing to prove that he is a good partner.

    i'd say good riddance to old garbage. why bother with a guy who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. you gave him a second chance and all he did was re-affirmed his sh*tty boyfriend tendencies

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  • Honestly, who the hell cares? You have to be able to do better than this.

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  • If he truly wanted the relationship with you to work the second time around, he wouldn't have given the other girl so much as a second thought. His actions suggest that was on the fence about being with you, which ultimately manifested in the end. Not only did this guy court another girl, but he didn't care about you enough to have the decency and compassion to be discrete about it. That, and in of itself should have been grounds for you to fire him instantly.

    In my opinion, if he intended to be with you, he wouldn't have given you cause to feel insecure. Also, on some level, he would have attempted to reassure you that you're the only one person he that he wants to be with. That said, consider yourself a lucky women, because you didn't waste anymore of your time rifling through his garbage of lies.

    To answer your question, no, it wasn't your fault. You had every right to inquire about where you stood with him, and his relationship with her. And let's face it, with a guy like that, a breakup was inevitable.

    In the meantime, stay busy and try to look on the bright side. At least now you are available to move on to bigger and better things.

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What Girls Said 1

  • He cheated on you, it's going to take time for your trust to build back up. If it really really bothered you that he was talking to her, and you told him so, then out of respect of you (especially after his cheating) he should not continue to talk to her. You got frustrated and took it out the wrong way and he decided he couldn't deal. Now, he's dating that chick . . . . you obviously had a reason to not trust him, AGAIN. You'll find a better man, let her have the cheating jerk.

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