She says we need to stay friends because she can't handle a relationship. What do I do now?

I have been spending a lot of time with this girl I met at a community service program about 5 weeks ago. From the very beginning we were very open and honest about our problems. Specifically, she confided in me about a very bad ex who, because of him, she is very fragile mentally and emotionally. As time progressed, we grew really close, holding hands and cuddling during movies, texting each other a lot, seeing each other fairly regularly. She's made it a point for me to meet her friends and get to know a lot about her life. Starting last week, her friends starting giving very obvious hints and opening up windows when we would all be hanging out so that I would have the opportunity to ask her out. So, a few days ago we went on a walk, we talked for a while, I asked her out and she said yes, we talked more, then after a while she told me that we needed to stay friends, because she can't handle a relationship because of this past guy. Based on the fact that she was wearing make-up (which she rarely does) and said yes to the date, I think she had gone into the walk with the intention of us being in a relationship by the end of it. However, when push came to shove, she decided she didn't want to move things forward.

What should I do moving forward? After she said she wanted to just be friends, I said that was absolutely fine and would never want her to compromise on herself for the sake of a relationship. When I saw her the next day it was very clear that she had been up all night and was emotionally exhausted. I would be totally fine with slowing things down a bit and letting her decide when she's ready, but I'm wondering whether or not that time will come. Should I continue spending time with her in the hopes that we grow a relationship? Or should I take what she said as a hint to move on?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, her ex might be bothering her still.. I would say give her some space but don't leave her.

    My last relationship was absolutely awful.. when people say they ruined my life, most of them don't mean literally.. this guy literally ruined my life, abused me, I've lost almost all of my friends because of him, took all my money, etc. etc. A guy that I had been talking to for about 3 weeks asked to be exclusive, I told him no because I don't want to get too attached too fast. That's what happened with my ex. What made me stay interested in him to the point that we are at 2 months now is that he gave me some space, still let me know he was there and was willing to prove to me that he is nothing like my ex, and he has done it. He gave me space when I asked for it, and gave me attention when I wanted it. It took some time for me to get my ex completely out of my life and this guy that I am dating was very understanding and very sweet---thats what did it for me and if I were in your shoes, that's what I would do.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Be her friend until she's ready for a rellationship

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What Guys Said 3

  • She's got problems and she needs to deal with them herself or she's just gonna make a lot of drama. Obsessing over the past is never a good thing.

    Find another woman to spend time with and forget about her. If she sees you with another woman, watch her flip out and enjoy the show as you get to see her true colors.

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  • You should take the hint and move on. Treat her nice, and act as if nothing is wrong, but girls generally don't come out and tell the truth. Instead, they try and let you down gently, so that they don't harm your ego. The only thing you can do is stop showing as much attention and hope that she misses you. If she thinks that she can keep you around and you keep giving her the same amount of attention as before, then you're headed for the friend zone.

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  • She is obviously still shaken by her former relationship, and even if she seems to like you, might be insecure, or still too much on an emotional rollercoaster. Anyway, she's not ready for anything serious.

    You should see her less, keep a distant contact (once a week, light talk), and see if she asks for your presence for a little time.

    And get ready to move on.

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