I really want the father of my son back but he seems adamant no!

Basically me and my ex split jan 2012 we reconciled in May til oct when I asked him to leave as I felt I jus didn't love him anymore! We have then been very on and off throughout this year until couple if months back he jus cut me dead only speaking about our son! By him doing this I had th chance to miss him and appreciate him and discovered not only did I love him I loved him more than I had ever done befote! I asked him to consider us getting back together and got a flat no I cried I begged etc etc and he was jus adamant he was never ever ever coming back! I know ther is a girl on the scene she's only really young though and I think could just be an ego boost! He took her out for first time at weekend but said they haven't spoke since and he's not sure he is seeing her again! Th past couple of days he has spoke slightly more and said he will read through th essay texts I have sent and consider what I am sayin but he doesn't think we can get back together! It's breaking my heart :(( I just want him to realize how different things would be and how I have a new found respect and love for him! He adores our son and is a wonderful dad so I'm shocked he won't even consider it for th sake of making his family work! I'm willing to put the leg work in and I don't wanna jump back into things I wanna build foundations but I jus don't know how to get through to him :(( x

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Most Helpful Guy

  • from his perspective I'd wonder if your feeligns now are only because distance makes the heart grow fonder, or we want what we don't have or any of those old sayings. It seems like you like him when he's not around but when you two are together it seems like the relationship is rather tense and conflicted.

    i'd ask yourself what has really changed that you suddenly value him more than before? are you truly in love with him or missing him and wanting a sort of idealized based family?

    basically I'd really reflect on whether or not it will work and so I'd take into consideration what wasn't working and whether or not things have really changed so that those things that weren't working will suddenly work now.

    but from a guy perspective I'd be thinking that you only want me cause you don't have me and hate the idea of being alone or me being with someone else more than actually really wanting me now.

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    • Yeh he thinks it's jealously I think but I felt like it before I knew there was another girl on the scene so that really isn't my reason :-( I think I jus didn't know what I had got until it had gone and now I want it back! I have taken step back now iv done and said everything I can just wish he would listen x

    • just be patient and consistent. I think my fear would be that I hear one thing but when we're together I see something else. I think if you can be consistent in your behavior and feelings towards him he may come around. it's clear that he has strong feelings for you(otherwise he'd just ask you to leave him alone) and being the mother of his child there is an unbreakable bond... for me I would just be hesistant to repeat past scenarios...know what I mean?

    • That's the thing if I was consisted with the changes it would be improving my life as well I was very unhappy before and ended up blaming that unhappiness in the wrong place :( I had postnatal depression and it totally changed my outlook I was moody lazy unhappy unmotivated and jus generally really hardwork when we got back together last year I wasn't ready and asked we took it slow but before long we slipped back to th old routine and problems because we did it all wrong did not address th issues

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What Guys Said 2

  • You broke up twice already. I don't know how your relationship was when together the first time, but you told him you didn't love him anymore the second time.

    Being together doesn't mean being on for six months, then breaking up for six months, and so on and so forth. He must be convinced it's just a caprice, or yourself being desperate, or not knowing what you want, and that should he give in, the same situation would happen again within months.

    I think he would like to move on, and I understand him.

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    • Yes he says he's feelings are not the same but then condradicted that my saying he can't come back because his barriers would come down and I would hurt him all over again! I know that's not the case given th chance I would never hurt him again I just don't know how I can show him this! The past two days he seems a little but more cooperative and has said he will read through what I have said but this is actually killing me I jus want him back x

  • HE said 'no', he's telling the truth.

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What Girls Said 1

  • for so long you weren't feeling that love for him,the loss is what changed your mind , its not really IN LOVE you feel but more that you have gotten used to him around and having that option.Honestly, I don't think you could win him back and you shouldn't want to anyways, just consider this the best thing because you didn't love him before all that time past and now you think you do,if he came back full force, you would end up having the old feelings of not loving him again..speaking from experience, we always want what we can't have

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    • It wasn't that I was suffering from postnatal depression it totally changed who I was and my outlook

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