I should feel amazing but I feel like a loser. Thoughts?

Ok long story short, I'm 2 months into a horrible break up with my ex girlfriend.

When we were together I was the breadwinner, of the family I paid for everything (bills, rent, provided for our son etc) and was completely taken for granted. I wasn't the most perfect boyfriend but I put everything into the relationship and got completely screwed over. I found out my ex had cheated on me so I ended the relationship.

Since the split my life is so much better I don't have money worries, I don't have an awful relationship, I don't have to worry about my partner cheating on me, but most importantly I get to see my little boy more than I did I did when I was with my ex.

Since the split I've spent time doing the usual breakup things, grieving the relationship, learning lessons, see what I did wrong, see what I want for the future etc...

I've also joined a gym, started kickboxing got back in touch with old friends and got closer to my family too. My life's better and I look better than when I was in the relationship which is where I'm getting confused.

In contrast my ex basically gets blind drunk all weekend as a result looks horrendous, now is living with her mum. She's also sleeping around with a different guy each weekend night, while having a rebound relationship with another guy at the same time. She also slept with another man the night after I ended things.

Now what she gets up to is none of my business and to be honest the more I hear about what she's up to the more glad I am I ended things. She texted me days ago saying she still loved me, even though she's gone through about 7 guys. I've not slept with anyone because I respect myself and other people too much to make them a rebound.

I know my life's better now and I've tried to handle the breakup the right way but I feel like a loser and I have no idea why. Is it normal break up sadness? Or is it because she's sleeping with people and I'm not?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You invested a lot emotionally into the relationship and lost. This woman not only hurt you in this relationship, but has actually effected every relationship you will ever have. It is unlikely you will ever be able to trust another woman as deeply ever again.

    You are on the right track to getting your life back together. If you are not dating yet this may indicate that you are still in pain, and may now have some trust or confidence issues with women. I would say that what you are feeling is pretty normal.

    You may on some level be judging your own self worth on how this lowly woman treated you. I mean if she is as bad as you claim then it makes sense to think she should have been grateful. The fact she still mistreated you has you worried on some level, maybe you deserve it. Ever wonder why so man women stay with men that mistreat them? It is because these women base their self worth on how their partner treats them, just like you are doing.

    I think you need to focus on learning to love yourself all over again, and next time be careful not to judge your self worth on how a woman treats you.

    • Thanks you've nailed it, I think anothe part of it is like I feel like she's winning because she's got someone new and I haven't even though I know she isn't. It just feels horrible that she can just go on and meet and sleep with people where as I don't feel right chatting a girl up or getting involved with them

    • her ADVENTURES have no future, this is how she copes.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I know how you feel, I broke up with my ex 11 months ago,he too was cheating,he is out there going from girl to girl and for a while I thought something was wrong with me, but I know there's not. The depression you feel is more disappointment then anything else.the fact that you did everything to make the relationship work only to have her THANK YOU like she did.You will have some good days and some bad, it is normal.I give you much props for staying healthy and active. Keep doing what you are doing and the blues will fade away in time.

    • Thanks its good to know I'm not the only one. And your right the feeling I have is defo disapointment I hadn't thought of that until now

What Guys Said 1

  • Even though you have broken up, you may still see her as 'your property'. You have invested a lot of emotion and feeling into her, so its only natural to feel sad that its over. you loved her presumably and seem like a nice guy, so you could possibly be feeling sorry for her. However, she did cheat on you and made the decision too. That's a breach of trust and if she truly loved you, she probably wouldn't have done it. Well done for moving on, as it seems like you have been doing this. Its natural to feel bad for your partner as her life seems to be getting worse. You sleep with people when you feel ready. I think you are doing great. The sadness is a natural part of a breakup no matter how rocky a relationship was, as there would have been good times too.

    • Thanks for the advice your basically spot on. I've spent a lot a lot of time accepting that whatever she does is none of my business. I think it's because she can face sleeping with someone else while to me I can't focus on being with someone else right now. Thanks for the advice

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