I am so lost... depressed.. with my ex...

My ex and I broke up 5 months ago...we were together for a year... He told me he needs space and loves me, but is tired of making me sad all the time... (we were arguing and he got super busy and didn't see me for a few days during finals and stress and everything...)

We have mutual friends (my roommate is his best friend) go to the same small college and are in many of the same activities... We barely talked over the summer expect for Happy Birthdays... we talk casually only in the presence of groups and a Hi, bye type thing.

I tried being friendly at first, he has given me very intimate hugs once where he got an erection and made an excuse to go... ( I felt it and saw it...)sometimes he won't look me in the face when we talk...

I am totally in love with him... and this is really unbearable for me... I pretend that I am happy, laugh, do things I enjoy, act like I am not bothered by it at all... but I am literally falling apart... At mass last week, my mom came to visit and he pretty much ignored me but went across the church to give her a hug during the "peace offering" and had an awkward conversation with me afterward in the presence of my mother and pretty much ran out of the church...

He does this constant "will be friendly and then will ignore me type thing..."

AND there's this girl he is talking to... they met in July... in Brazil (vactation) and she lives in Illinois and is flying out here(Philly) for a week...Meaning, I'm going to bump into her... and them...And this girl is pretty creeplly into him... saying he's her soulmate... and they'll be getting married soon... and bashing me on social media... and has liked tagged photos of him and I when we were on dates together...

He doesn't acknowledge most of those things...

How the hell do I deal... I have no idea what to do, I miss him like crazy. I am in agony thinking about them together... I miss him so much and we had such a great relationship...

I want him back so bad... Why is he doing this...? Why would he hug my mother and act so nice but ignore me the next day...? He goes through periods where he ignores our mutual friends too...

Please advise :,(

Why is it that I was once so cherished... its now as if I am insignificant and mean nothing... We talked privately 2 weeks ago about us being friendly and having to work together in groups and what not...and when I went to leave, he said "no hug?" initiated the hug and told me he respects me... it was another intimate hug... it was very close... and then ignores me and is friendly a few days later... I'm so confused :( For the most part, we are very distant but cordial. I don't text him ...


Most Helpful Guy

  • This is going to hurt, but you need to hear it:

    HE DOES NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOU that you feel about him. You need to accept that your relationship with him is over. Give yourself some time to grieve the loss, then put it behind you and move forward. Cut off ALL communication with him (no stalking his FB page or any of that either), because otherwise you'll keep thinking about him and you won't be able to heal.

    One of the hardest lessons to learn about relationships is that how YOU feel really doesn't matter if the other person doesn't feel the same way, and there's NOTHING you can do to change how someone feels about you. You can't change other people, you can only change YOURSELF, and in this case, that means ending the relationship, cutting off communication, and moving forward with your life. Do NOT look backwards, or you'll just waste more time. Look FORWARDS towards the future, where a guy who is a much better fit for you is waiting.

    And remember: at the beginning of any new relationship, your #1 goal is to do a lot of talking about COMPATIBILITY. You should be asking (and answering) a TON of questions about what you want from each other and for yourselves in the near and the distant future. Don't let your feelings for a guy make you ignore big compatibility problems, because they will certainly blow up later on. If you find you aren't compatible, it's much better to know that early on, before you're overly attached, then to find out after wasting months or years on a guy you have no real future with.


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What Guys Said 7

  • Sounds like he wants someone who is light and easy going that does not get into depths of conversation about issues and solving whatever you are dealing with at the time.

    So it seems that causes a miss match.

    There are several options. You practice putting a more positive slant on your issues so it's less of a ordeal to discuss them with you. Try taking more interest in what he is doing and see if he offers to help you without you asking for help on whatever issues where he could help. Your change of habit to be more positive of talking about issues is actually a proven method to resolve problems faster anyway. More people around you would be drawn to your positive outlook and problems would get solved. Your habit of discussing things at whatever level that makes him say he doesn't want to make you sad is just a habit that you can change. And changing it will actually help you life overall and that's a pretty good motivation to remember. Catch yourself and tell yourself you are going to make these issues more positive and less heavy every time and change your life.

    Another option is to stay like you are, which is the easiest and most comfortable. You will have to wait to find a guy that can take your dark moodiness. If you find a guy that does this, he will encourage you to keep doing it and you will always have dark issues that you turn to him to help you for the rest of your relationship life. A lot of people are like this. As you get older and more used to this approach you start to wallow in your misery and find people around you to support you.

    This is the crossroads where you can pick your future. Which way do you prefer? Go out and tell him that you decided to approach your goals differently and want to be more positive and less dark about everything. You would like that he as a friend give you a sign if you are slipping back into old habits. If you mean it and do it., you have a good chance of making him much more interested in you if the attraction from his side is still there. You will know pretty quick.

    Good luck.

  • I know what it's like to be in your shoes. Be heart broken and not being able to move on. Believe me. The good news is you will get over this guy it may take awhile but you will. The best way to get over him-and it works yet hard to do---break off all contact, delete him from fb, don't look what he is doing, you must avoid him at all costs. this is the only way really. plus you should start dating other guys. not out of spite but just because you should because you are young beautiful and life is too short. I have been in your shoes where I was like no I will never get over her because she is the one no way no how I want another girl...i have been there believe me. but trust me you will get over him...the quicker you break ties the better. move on. besides if you broke up there is a reason for it...its his loss. that's all I gotta say. you say you are from philly me too...and I'm irish too lol...good luck

  • You have to get over him. Seriously. This isn't healthy for you. Stop trying to read in attraction in a desperate hope that he'll reconsider.

    It is over. He does not want to date you. That does not mean he loathes you or wishes you ill will, but you are dealing with this breakup in a VERY unhealthy way.

    You are a beautiful girl, you are in the prime of your dating 'career'. It's time to move on.

  • You have to try and move on or get back with him

  • Just don't do anything that will remind you of him or think about him. You might want to try and move on and date someone else too but this situation is tough and hard I know.

  • You guys broke up and he's moving on. Just deal with it.

    You can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do.

    Find someone else.

  • You are an Irish Princess! I would marry you in a heartbeat!


What Girls Said 1

  • I think you really need to take a look at this and realize it is time to move on.