In love with with a troubled guy

About a month ago, I visited my mom and her boyfriend out of town. Unexpectedly, I met a guy. He knocked on my moms door one day because he used to know my mom's boyfriend years ago. During the week I was there, he stayed there too because he needed a temporary place to stay. Him and I got to know each other a little and we seemed to hit it off. The thing is, he's very opposite of the things I like in a guy. He's several years younger (24 and I'm 29). He had no job, no car, no place to stay, drinks like a fish, and smokes weed. Doesn't sound like a winner, I know. BUT he's actually really smart and I saw something in him that I don't see in many guys. The whole time I was there, I kept trying to tell myself to forget about him because it wouldn't work. But it was already too late. I started to fall for him.

When I left to go back home, he told my mom he was in love with me. But he also told her that he knew he is not good enough for me. He said he wants to be a better man for me.

My mom of course told me all this information and I thought it was very endearing and heartwarming. Several days later, I called my moms house and asked for him. He gets on the phone and confesses that he really likes me, but he said, "I really want to get my act together before I talk to you, because you deserve it." I told him I liked him too and I that I planned on going back here around Halloween.

A few days ago, my mom said he disappeared. I thought that was weird. She called me days later and told me there was small writeup about him in the newspaper for getting a dui, and they also got him with possession of weed, and driving with no licence. This is really disappointing to me. I don't know how to feel. I still really like him but if I have anything to do with him, he's going to need to at least stay out of trouble.

So I guess my question is, should I back to my moms house when I planned to, a week before Halloween, or should I wait because if I go, I know him and I will become involved but I'm wondering if it would be better if I wait. Thoughts?

Updates:
Oh, I forgot to add that before he got busted, he did get a job and a car so I felt like it was looking more promising than in the beginning.

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  • When you say he is troubled, is this about the drinking and smoking and previous lack of a job or is he emotionally or mentally troubled as well? Assuming it is primarily about those points you mentioned, it does seem like staying out of trouble might be a difficult stretch for him. If you decide to make a go of it with him, I think you have to expect him to slip up a lot more than most no matter how hard he tries to do the right thing. If this is intolerable, then it probably won't work out. If you feel like you can cut him slack on serious stuff provided he genuinely is trying, then it might work out.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Be cautious but not condenming, I guess, is my best advice. It sounds like he was trying, but his personal habits didn't coincide. It might help to know that it doesn't take much now to get a DUI. But what was he doing driving without a license. How did he lose it in the first place? A lover can make a big difference in someone's life, and your situation has indications that that is the case with him. Alan

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  • Let him straighten out his life and be a worthy partner before you link up with him.

    Seriously. You do NOT want to be involved with a substance abuser.

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  • it seems to me he is the classic good guy making horrible decisions. unfortunately these types often times can't stay out of their own way and just make a mess of things that don't need to be...what it comes down to is a lack of responsibility and forsight.

    it's great that despite his clear issues you can see the good in him as people always need to know that people can see through their flaws but any relationship with him will probably be a terrible burden on you unless he can straighten out his act.

    i don't think you should not go to see your mom just because of this guy, just be resolute to your convictions.

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  • Don't waste your time. Find another man.

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