He said he needs time, now I'm a mess.

He and I met about a year ago. We worked together and I had the biggest crush on him the whole time. He was just absolutely perfect! Once I stopped working there, we hung out and he admitted that he had a crush on me too. I was so happy and we started dating and it was so perfect.

Then he dropped a bomb 2 months later. He told me he went on a camping trip with his friends and he invited his ex-girlfriend. It started this long conversation that ended with he doesn't want her back but they're still close (but he won't do it again because he knows that was a stupid move). Even though he swears he wants me and not her, he still says he's not ready to have a serious relationship and said we should chill out for a while. He said it's been so much fun but he's afraid something will go wrong down the road like it has before with past girlfriends. We broke up and we miss each other. He could fix that but he won't.

I swear he's the nicest, greatest guy ever but this makes me think twice and I don't know what to do. I don't wanna sit around and wait, but I don't wanna give up so soon. I need some insight. Am I being BSed?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Where do you get "he's the nicest, greatest guy ever" if he's treating you like this? You said he told you he's still close with this ex and even invited her on a camping trip with his friends... and that he can fix what's wrong with your relationship but he won't... etc. Based on all this plus your only having had just a crush on each other rather than anything that resembles a relationship, I certainly wouldn't be sitting and waiting around for him to make any substantial move that will bring you two closer together because that isn't going to happen. When he said you guys should chill out for awhile I'm sure it'll be much longer than a little while. You need to think more than twice about having a future with him. He may have even cheated on you and isn't telling you the whole truth. One thing you don't want to ever do is sit around waiting for some other person to act first, especially a guy. When a guy really likes a girl he goes after her... not leaves her sitting around wondering what to do because she might meet some other guy in the meantime. The fact that he put you in this position tells me he's moved on but you haven't so you need to move on too. Not the best news you wanna hear but please start looking for some other guy friend to start doing things with and having fun. If your guy truly misses you he'll hurry and come back especially if he notices you being independent again and acting single. It's not a matter of giving up. It's a matter of doing what makes sense and moving forward. Sitting around waiting is going backwards because nothing every stands still. A person/relationship either moves forward and positive or moves backwards and negative. Don't be hesitant to contact him and suggest you get back together. If you get the excuse again it's more reason to move on. Good luck!

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What Guys Said 1

  • I just wonder where you want to go with him. Do you want him just as a boyfriend or do you see him as your future husband and father of your children. Think about that carefully. If it's just a boyfriend or sex toy, then just enjoy the time you'll have with him. On the other hand, if you want him more than just a boyfriend, then you need to ask him serious questions about the relationship. You need to know if he will be there for you come hell or heaven. Ask him if he would consider living with you for the rest of his life. Only then will you know if he's the one. Maybe he isn't. Most guys need help from their gals. Lead or teach him if needed. Go beyond fears. Find out why his past relationships gone wrong. Take it from there...

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What Girls Said 2

  • I've never known a man who says something to the effect, "You're great. I really like you but the timing is off and I don't want to mess it up", is usually trying to let you down in a nice way. He may or may not be seeing his ex, but I suspect he is.

    In my opinion you should take sometime for you and start dating others.

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  • Sometimes dating at your age is even harder because younger guys are often hesitant to stay with ONE girl and they don't want to settle down. Stop the pain over this, find ways to let I go and heal - he's not ready. Someday he might look back and realize what he lost, but by then I think it will be too late.

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