Nothing is making sense?

Here's the deal. The boyfriend and I have been together 8 months. In our 2nd month our relationship changed because he lost his job and got evicted and I allowed him to stay with me. We both have kids and my house is small but we are making it work and everything was going well up until I found an apartment book and discovered he'd been moving his moving his stuff out.

I confronted him about it and he said that he wants he's own place for his son. Which to me does not make sense because we'd been talking about making a life together? And I thought that meant that we were planning for combine our families. He says that him moving out has nothing to do with me but his action do not suggested that. When I was telling him about how I was feeling he said nothing.

I feel like we have been working things out and making things work, why now are you moving your stuff out and behind my back. That's going backwards - having two residence and trying to get a third make absolutely no sense. I don't know what to do or say.
So we sat and talked and had sometime to our selves to think about what each of us have to say. When writing this question I neglected to say that he's a divorcee and the relationship that he had with the ex is a horrible one. On the out side looking in and have had the privilege of meeting the ex and talking to her... She did him dirty! So with that said he doesn't want to trust in me enough at the moment to not have back up. Which I can respect.
He also feels that he owes it to his son and wants to provide with the knowledge that he can give him the home that he needs. I respected that too.

What he was not hearing me say is why can't we to work on that together? And that I am not trying to hurt you or keep you from success it was just the method he went and doing it... As if he had to hide it or couldn't talk to me. And I need him to understand I want to be his friend and there for him.
and that I'm not just in the relationship for my just my happy nice but everyone that is involved.


Most Helpful Girl

  • How old is his son? Maybe he's not ready to live together, maybe the kid wants his space. Or maybe your boyfriend does. You could try to find another apartment, a bigger one.

    • 30, his son is 14. If that's the case he needs to go to his mothers house of which he has full access to.

    • Show All
    • -his son. That's why I suggest you to face him directly and don't give up until he tells you the real reasons why he wants to have his own house. If you don't know why he wants it, you can't understand him or help him or find a compromise together...

    • Thank you for your response. When I wrote the response To you, I was referencing the 30 year old as being the one who should go to his mothers house, not the son. I'd never come between he and his child because as you said having kids myself I know my kids come 1st. I'll be writing an update after this... So far was have come to a compromise.

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What Guys Said 1

  • This sounds bad but perhaps he was just using you to have a place to crash. I mean, why else would he hide it from you? If I was crashing at a Girls home after being evicted I would be clear that its only temp if I had plans on leaving, or tell her that it might be too soon to move in as I fear it will mess up the relationship.

    • nope it does not sound bad - I've had that conversation with him too and he's said that isn't it. He has family all over he could be staying with and know that he got evicted. And his family loves me. He's just not talking and I don't understand. Either way it goes - the relationship is over in my mind and I was trying to be a kind soul.

What Girls Said 2

  • i think tha tif you want it to work you need to be more tolerant and give the guy and his son more space.

  • It's only been 8 months and 2 months was waaaaaaay too early to be moving into together. You were still just getting to know each other. Perhaps now he knows it was a mistake and doesn't want to be with you.

    • Perhaps but we've talked about that and he's had more than enough opportunity to voice his concerns. I just had surgery and before I had it I asked him what his feeling were. The day before I found the book I asked him. And he's still saying nothing. I'm trying to give him a chance before I just break up with him.

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