Should I feel apprehensive about calling him?

Okay, so I'm a 20 y/o female and I've never had a serious relationship, no "boyfriends" before. About a month and a half ago I met my best friend's boyfriend's brother (what a mouth full, haha), and we had a casual fling. We were both having fun partying and one thing just led to another. I really like him; he's funny, pretty weird which I like a lot since I'm the same way. We're both into the same kinds of music, we have the same sense of humor and we're both musicians. We relate to each other a lot. For the time that I didn't see him, I thought about him quite a bit.

We met again last weekend, and ended up having sex. The whole thing made me really uncomfortable afterward, so I told him that I liked him. I said I just wanted to let him know because it had been bothering me, but I wasn't expecting him to react in a certain way. I asked him to be honest with me. He told me that he liked me too, he thought I was really cool, but that he didn't want to rush into anything (he had mentioned his ex-gf one of the times we were out drinking with friends, so I'm not sure if he was really affected by this relationship, or is just using it as an excuse?). He told me that I should call him (and I mentioned he could call me, too). Before he left, he kissed me.

It's been exactly a week since I've seen him and he hasn't called. I'm not exactly surprised, but at the same time it makes me wonder why? And I've been wondering if I should call him. I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to sit around and wait for good things to happen. I'm honest, and go after what I want, so my gut is telling me to call, but I get a bad feeling whenever I think of doing it.

From a guys perspective, have you ever told a girl to call you if you didn't mean it? It just makes me nervous, because even though he knows what kind of person I am and I explicitly asked him to be honest, that he really wasn't. It's just weird for me. Maybe I'm over-thinking things too much? Any advice would be appreciated, as you can tell this is really the first time I've gone through an experience liking a man before.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it's possible for him to be afraid of pushing you away.

    It's obvious that he likes you, but he doesn't want to go too far or be too serious just yet. So that is why he is telling you what you want to hear. But he doesn't necessarily agree with it.

    If you do decide to call him, try being non-chalant and casual about it. I wouldn't discuss any further intentions/progressions of your relationship. Unfortunately for you, he is the one in charge here. Because he hasn't set his heart on you. It is best for you to let him decide that.

    And if you treat him fair and respectfully, why wouldn't he want you!?

    Good luck Konsui :)

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    • I definitely don't plan on asking him where we stand relationship wise! I know that wouldn't be a good move, but thank you for mentioning it. And thanks for the advice :-)

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What Guys Said 1

  • I would love it if a girl called me first

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What Girls Said 4

  • I think you're just feeling extra emotional after the physical connection. Time to cool down a bit with a choc chip ice cream and give it more time to see if he will call you in the next few days? if not, hmm you should call him up one day and tell him off.

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  • Personally I think sex should be after a serious relationship and don't really know what t do here. But if he was willing to have sex, in my mind, he should be willing to be in a serious relationship. That's pretty lame of him to say that honestly

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  • i think you should call him just to see how things are if he reacts weirdly or doesn't make an effort just move on or if you can get over it just use him for occasional fun

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  • Just call him

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