Would you break up withyour girlfriend if?

If she was really drunk and cheated on you? (kissed someone else a little touching here and there) but will knowing the fact she was honest beause she felt really bad and guity and felt like she had to tell you becaue she really loves you , make you forgive her? I mean she was honest...Okay and what if you got drunk too and cheat on your gf...if you admitted it to her or if she found of by someone. would you feel in need that she has to forgive you? because she did it once and you forgave her? If it wasn't your case , do yo think her boyfriend should forgive her? because she was being honest actually told her herself? do you feel like she should forgive her boyfriend becase he forgave her when she once cheated too from being too drunk? and ps .i know being drunk isn't an excuse for cheating , but it happends

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  • As the saying goes trust takes ages to build up but can be broken in a split second. A moment of madness whether drunk or not.

    The truth is I think you have to try and work things out sometimes but it always depends on the individuals involved. The question you have to ask yourself is were you 100% satisfied with the relationship? Drunkenness can bring out the hidden side of you i.e maybe dissatisfaction of being with that person or something was not being fulfilled. I'm not saying that's what's happened here but you will need to ask yourself that question.

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What Guys Said 42

  • She cheated. That's an automatic rule-breaker with me. Period. I get her reason. I get why she said she did it. I get it. I just won't continue to date her. The trust is gone. But yes, I can forgive her, but I would not forget. How could I? Why should I?

    Furthermore: She was drunk? I get her judgment was impaired, but really, what is she going to do to make up for this? Keep away from men? I can't ask her that. It's not fair. Can she tell me she'll never drink, ever again? I doubt it. Even if she did, would that be fair either. Nope, I don't see how she could make that right, and give me an iron clad reason I should trust her after that.

    For the next part of your question, I feel I should tell you that I've never cheated, and I am pretty confident that I never will. Not even because I've never been in a position where I could; Quite the opposite: I've had the opportunity, offers, means, but I still haven't. Also, no amount of drinking has ever got me to a level where I was even tempted. Furthermore, the relationship I am currently in is the most wonderful thing I've ever been in, for my whole life, with a girl who is basically my dream girl. It's just not going to happen.

    That said, and humouring your purely hypothetical situation, I would like to think that if something like that ever happened, I would have at least enough moral integrity to confess what I'd done, ask for forgiveness, and just leave. Seriously, I don't think I would even want to be in a relationship with someone who's trust I've betrayed. Nor do I think I could stand hanging around after hurting her like that.

    I should tell you though, that part where you ask "because she did it once and you forgave her?" just doesn't apply to me. I've already had one, and only one relationship where I've allowed somebody to stay after she cheated, and I will never do that again. Also, again, you should know I don't cheat. That question is completely irrelevant. Sorry.

    Now, even in cases outside of my own, I advise all to do the same. I think they should immediately dump the person who cheated on them, take some time apart, be it permanent, or temporary, and if it's temporary, come back after they've found it in them to forgive them, but only as friends. The trust is gone. You know it, they know it, everybody knows it. It WILL happen again, but even if it doesn't, the doubt is going to drive somebody nuts, and can you really say that's happiness? Is it worth it? Do you really want that kind of relationship?

    The relationship should always end - any relationship should always end, no matter who it is - and it should always end with the first cheat. Bad things will happen. They always do. It's happened to me, it's happened to my friends, my loved ones, to people I've just simply observed. This is me looking at the patterns. Cheaters almost never change. Relationships almost never get better after cheating, more likely they just go into denial, and paranoia.

    Sorry, I've got no good news here.

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  • I've been sloppy as hell before, and never cheated. I've been so drunk my legs failed to work... I know what I'm doing when I'm drunk, and other do to. It's a matter of if you care about your actions or not. Anyone who says they had no control, or didn't realize what they were doing isn't only a cheater, but a liar and incapable of taking responsibility for their own actions. Hell no I wouldn't forgive her. That's three strikes in one go.

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  • its both OK and not OK

    many times women will get a little loose from alcohol but they'll be totally aware of what they're doing. and they apologize because they happened to get caught.

    other times girls will be so KAPUT that they are loose and unaware leaving them totally vulnerable. if that is the case then the talk should not be with your lady but with the man who slept with her while she was crazy drunk.

    usually when girls are used that easily, they don't find out till after a hangover, so you will be able to tell if theyre truly confused.

    if she was aware while she was drunk her response when her man talks to her about it will be "whaaatt?!?!?" or "OMG IM So sorry I was going to tell you"

    now here's how a guy should only forgive his lady after that if she was totally aware of what happened that night. even though it might be awkward...

    they should make this clear

    "ok I forgive you. BUT HOWEVER, it better not happen again and I will know if it does. if it does we are done..."

    yes, a guy should always remain loyal and stick around for his lady. but why should he show love if she doesn't take his love and throws it away to be disloyal to him.

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  • I would be really mad at first but would forgive her as long as sex wasn't involved. And as long as she told on herself and I didn't find out some other way. It would not be an 'oh that's ok' type of conversation. And it would probably take several weeks for things to come back to a more normal vibe.

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  • It all depends and the relationship they already have. If hypothetically I were to find out from someone else tough, I would 100% dump her. If she confessed and felt bad and knew it was a mistake than I could see a situation where I could take her back. Not likely, but it's your best shot

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  • It depends, who the guy is and if any of my close friends were around to witness it.

    If it's a guy I know then it is unforgivable.

    If one of my friends witnessed it then it is also unforgivable because I would be embarrassed and ashamed to bring her around my friends again.

    Nothing more than kissing, I can give a free pass for only one time. But it also depends on how early our relationship has been through.

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  • id dump her or ask for a hall pass for a one time thing...lol. but alcohol wouldn't be an excuse with me...control your liquor and watch your drinks to avoid being drugged

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  • First, I'd broke the face of the guy in front of her. And then I don't know, it depends on how it happened and a lot of thing. But I think that if she was my current girlfriend I'd forgive her

    If you take the risk of being drunk then you must take responsibility for your behavior.

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  • I wouldn't break up on the spot, being a older gentleman. But I would raise important questions, like why is she drinking so hard? Can that be controlled? Is this the first time? If those aren't answered to my understanding, then it's splits-ville.

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  • Yes I would break up because she cheated. Even if you are drunk you still know certain things and if you are at the point of unconsciousness you would not have the ability to stir your self into making with another guy.

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  • There is a reason I NEVER drink alcohol. Not even in small quantities.

    I really don't know.. I don't know what it feels to be drunk so I don't know if I know what I am doing or not.

    But if I know that I can't control my actions if I am drunk.. then I wouldn't drink to begin with.

    The thing is.. if she kissed a guy .. it is most probably because she was attracted to him .. that I don't satisfy her romantically and sexually.. its probably better she goes and finds someone who can and I find someone who is satisfied with me and only me.

    My advice to you .. if drinking makes you do stupid stuff.. don't drink again.

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  • I don't consider kissing and light touching as "cheating" in a unforgivable sense. I am not saying I would be happy but it's something I can deal with an appology.

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  • I would dump her because cheating is something I think is common sense that you don't do with a partner so if she don't have enough common sense to keep off of other guys I have no reason to date her. Being drunk just makes it worse because it tells me she's probably still into the bar scene and getting drunk and I find all that stuff to be childish bullsh*t.

    I don't drink at all. So if I were to end up feeling the urge to cheat it would be because she's not being sexual with me and that means I should just dump her and get it on with someone who is ready to be sexual.

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  • If I were going to forgive someone for that, it would depend on how she felt about what happened. More than likely, I'd move on from it.

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  • It was wrong and if he forgives you, that's good. If not, you can't blame him for not trusting you afterward. Being drunk is not an excuse for anything in the adult world, and it doesn't excuse anything in a relationship, either. Yes, cheating happens when people drink, and it's wrong every time. If it doesn't work out, I'm sorry, but take a lesson in knowing yourself and knowing that you have tendencies when you drink.

    Also, as I've noted in some comments here, not remembering what you did because you were too drunk is not an excuse and not okay. I love to drink, but I acknowledge ahead of time that any and all actions I take while intoxicated are completely mine. If I cheated because I was blackout wasted, I break my wife's trust, it wouldn't be the other girl's fault.

    Lastly, if you forgave him once, that's good on you, but your past actions will likely not carry much weight to him emotionally. Sorry.

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  • I have been cheated on before with more than a kiss. It doesn't matter what the action is cheating is cheating. But to comment on your example yes I would break up with a girl over this because here's the thing. As you said at the end of your question saying "I know being drunk isn't an excuse for cheating, but it happens"...you know how you are when you are drunk so you put yourself into that situation. You know it happens so why would you go and get drunk and be put in that situation? No excuse at all. Definitely would break up because if its a hand placement, kissing and full on sex where as no one did anything to prevent it or you didn't try to stop it, its a slap in the face to the guy and a punch in the heart. Even worse when you don't fess up to your actions.

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  • I would forgive her must depends on who the guy is. If it was someone I knew, it would be over with. Really depends if it was her first time drinking cause I could forgive that as well.

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  • That depends on how much time I have invested on her.

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  • being drunk IS an excuse for cheating, because it clouds your judgment, the question is not whether he/she was drunk or not, it's why was he/she drinking so much that they wound up cheating...getting drunk is typically an alcoholics excuse for "getting away from it all". There's something deeper rooted in the relationship that hasn't come out yet and they're drinking it away.

    Once a cheater, always a cheater. This doesn't mean, they will cheat on other relationships, it just means they will probably continue to cheat on the same person

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  • I think neither of you need to be together since you both want to be nothing but cheaters.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Here's how I see it. When I go out, I usually drink. One glass, two glasses, maybe 3. I've been 17 before, I know how much it takes me to get drunk. I also know how much it takes me to be too drunk and how much it takes me to be sick. I think that at this point in your life, you should know those things as well.

    Everybody's a different type of drunk. Personally, I'm the type of drunk that doesn't forget anything, that doesn't say anything she regrets and that doesn't make bad decisions due to poor judgement. No, I've never done stuff that I regretted the next day because I had had too much to drink. I think that alcohol doesn't excuse a behavior I wouldn't take on in real life. Alcohol doesn't ''make me'' do things that are against my values. Maybe I'm a stiff drunk, who knows. But I know for sure that cheating on my partner is something I will never, EVER do, not even if I was drunk. I'd be passed out drunk, throwing up all night and I wouldn't do it anyway. NO, cheating doesn't ''happen'', as you say. You chose to make it happen, take responsibility for your actions. You'd take responsibility for your actions if you followed a creepy guy in his apartment and had a one night stand with him, right? It's a decision you're making, you're the only one to blame. I think alcohol just revealed that you're not as into your boyfriend as you thought you were, that's all. If it takes you alcohol to let that out, so be it. But don't go around trying to justify your behavior my substance abuse. You could have said you kissed someone else when you were perfectly sober, it wouldn't have made a difference in my book. When you love someone, he's the person holding your hair back while you puke at the end of the night. You're not the one playing behind his back when he's not around.

    Oh and about the forgiving part. Personally, I'd never forgive a guy for cheating on me. I'd appreciate the honesty of course but I'd dump his ass and never look back. It's a deal breaker to me. I think the fact your boyfriend forgave you just shows that he's more ''allowing'' than I am. I take huge pride in always respecting my values and never putting up with stuff that I know I'm worth more than. Right now, he's losing and settling for you. Could you still stay with this guy, go drinking with friends again in his absence and not feel guilty the whole time, particularly when you're had too much to drink? I think you couldn't because trust has been broken and once it's broken once, no amount of forgiving can completely mend it back like it was before.

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  • I would not expect my boyfriend to forgive me and likewise I would not forgive him. We both place extreme amounts of importance on loyalty and trust and once the trust is gone, neither one of us can ever recover it.

    The relationship will be over. Immediately.

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  • If it was just a kiss then I'd forgive her but I wouldn't give her any more chances in the relationship if she slips up again. If there was any sexual contact then I couldn't forgive, if I'm able to drink and not go around f***ing other people then I expect the same from my partner.

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  • Once cheating starts and the trust is gone then it's never going to be regained 100% Personally I would walk away. Have you actually cheated on her? If you have both cheated I'd say the relationship is pretty much doomed anyway. Cheating doesn't just happen, you still know you shouldn't do it, even when you've had far too much to drink. It's up to you but I think if you forgive something like that, then you are sending out the message that they can get away with cheating on you and you are displaying very little self respect.

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    • "I think if you forgive something like that, then you are sending out the message that they can get away with cheating on you and you are displaying very little self respect."

      I've said something along those lines a good 40 or 50 times on this site. Glad to finally see somebody ELSE who thinks a similar way about cheating, and cheaters.

  • I think cheaters deserve NO second chances.. ever.

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