Since we returned to the U.S., my husband got really whiny (in particular about women)

I'm hurt by that, obviusly

We met at home in the philippines and just recently moved back to his home near New Orleans.

I'm also with a child, so I'm not sure if it's him or me but I feel like since we moved here he complains about everything, the people, the food, the weather and in particular American women.

it's not so bad when he's alone, he just sometimes makes comments like "I wouldn't let my daughter go out like that", which he didn't at home. But when his friends are around it's all they ever talk about. I'm not even sure what they think the problem is, but they whine about how American women have nothing to offer and whatever.

First of all, just be a man about it. Second of all, does he not see things like that hurt me? I told him before and he said they were specifically talking about American or western women. But I'm still offended, because I don't see the big difference. If he didn't want to get married, he shouldn't have asked me.

Idk is this just the way to make conversation here? I realize it's a different culture, but it's driving me nuts, I don't know how to deal with it?

All his whinning also really turns me off, I just don't feel like having sex with him these days. That may be the hormones though?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Idk is this just the way to make conversation here?

    In my opinion and observations it's the way guys make conversation around here as it seems female-bashing and misogyny is how most guys bond right after sexual objectification of gals.

    Second of all, does he not see things like that hurt me?

    He probably doesn't see this as in my opinion guys rarely think or care if they hurt their female partner and when they (finally) notice they say she's being overemotional, overreacting, or too sensitive.

    That may be the hormones though?

    Egh likely it's finding his behavior unpleasant thus being turned off by him as you don't want to have sex with someone you find unpleasant.

    "But when his friends are around it's all they ever talk about. I'm not even sure what they think the problem is, but they whine about how American women have nothing to offer and whatever."

    I find this normal behavior of American guys and guys in America they go on and on about their complaints about American gals the common being American gals have nothing to offer.

    Yet it's amusing their outrage when gals say the same or similar about American guys then it's suddenly not "if American gals are becoming fed up with American guys there is a reason" which is the reverse logic that American guys use but that she picks out jerks/bad boys/a**holes and it's not guys but her.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • @riptide88

      Not I'm quite in touch.

      In fact your comment even supports how in touch with reality I am.

      You state "If American men are becoming fed up with American women there is a reason. Perhaps you should put yourself in our shoes for once and try to understand why instead of getting all bent out of shape about it. "

      Yet when I voice 'negative' things about American guys it's "You are out of touch with reality".

    • Show All
    • @QA

      I find guys tend respond to America equalizing when it comes to gender equality to be guys being some downtrodden victims or the genders reversing...even though generally more guys are in powerful positions than gals.

    • What's funny to me is how your hypocrisy/

      Your first comment is "You are out of touch with reality." and you question how I can have a logical opinion...but that isn't " Using shaming and bashing techniques to try to turn the tide in your favor. "

      Yet me stating perhaps I overestimated your intelligence to stick to the topic is suddenly me again using bashing and shaming techniques.

      LMFAO @ this bs.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Anyone who is well traveled can tell you are an American women. You say things people from other countries would not... Nice try though.

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    • I lived in American when I was nine to when I was fifteen, my dad is also American and recently I've lived here for a year already. I do conider the philippines my home because I just feel more at home there. So ya sorry for picking up certain sayings.

      It's exactly my point though, there is no difference to me and the average American woman, so why does not get saying things like that hurts me?

  • Maybe he is just worried over the kind of people his son or daughter will grow up with. His son may have trouble finding what he considers a worthwhile wife when he is an adult or his daughter may be influenced to become what he dislikes most of women.

    Talk to him to understand why it stresses him so much.

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  • I take it you're American? The only answer is to 1) Not take his comments so personally 2) talk to him about how his comments upset you.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Honestly, it sounds like he's been rejected by American women so he continuously seeks to put them down. If he is married to you, why should he care anything about American women or what they have to offer? It makes no sense. Obviously he has you so I fail to see why he complains so much about other women.

    The only reason I think it could be is because he's bitter towards American women for whatever reason. Which could be why he went to the Philippines and married you. He clearly cares about you since he married you, he just needs to stop worrying so much about American ladies.

    I can understand why it bothers you. I think you just need to be honest and straightforward with him. Tell him it's really getting on your nerves and you're tired of hearing about it and that it turns you off.

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  • he probably doesn't really see you as an American woman because you are from the phillippines.

    usually guys who constantly diss a certain type of woman are just upset that they can't attract that group of women. guys tend to ignore women they don't like. why would these bad evil American women be on his mind when he's married to a foreign woman, anyway?

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  • You really don't sound like you're from the Philippines haha. In case you somehow are or have become accustomed to the way we speak...

    Tell him it's getting on your nerves and ask that he stops, tones it down, or complains when you're not around. He's married to you, not all those other women. You guys have a baby due too, so that should be the focus. This seems to be stressing you out. I'm sure he married you because he wanted to marry you though. Have some faith in that, and if it's really bothering you, sit down and have a conversation with him about it. The turning you off thing may be a side-effect of pregnancy, I'm not sure, but constant complaints are probably doing nothing positive for your libido (or peace of mind), so address that too.

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    • As I've told the other guys, I've lived in America for a big part of my life and my dad is American, so I def picked up some thing and I think that's a good thing. I actually thought it was part of why we got a long so well back home, but I guess I was wrong

    • Oh, I see. My apologies, that would explain it. It makes his comments even worse though. They're making you feel insecure about your relationship. I'd bring it up (without accusations, just go for a discussion), and talk about it.

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