She doesn't want me to wait for her to be ready for a relationship, what do I do?

For a little over 2 months now, I have been spending a lot of time with this girl I met at a community service program. Since the beginning, we had a very open and honest friendship, and I had been aware of an ex she had who was very bad to her, emotionally and physically. As time went on, we grew even closer, with her initiating a lot of the physical stuff (hand holding, cuddling, and so on). After about 5 weeks I asked her out and told her that I had really enjoyed our time together. She said she'd love to go out with me and felt the same way, but this last guy affected her so much that she can't handle relationships. I respected that and put off a lot of the pressure, just keeping myself present. However, after drunkenly making out at a party, I talked to her about clarifying where we were, and she said that she just can't do any sort of pressure or obligation, and that includes me waiting around for her. After she said this, I told her I couldn't be this emotionally close with just a friend, and that I would need to distance myself and just be friendly. She cried when I said this, and I went away from that conversation thinking things were over between us. After not talking to her for a couple days, we met up and she said she was in shambles after that, barely sleeping, stress eating, etc. and that it felt like a boyfriend broke up with her and it wasn't fair for me just to drop her like that. I told her it was something I needed to do to get over her, and that I'd be willing to try out just being friends with her. So I thought that was all set in stone and I just had to work on getting over her. However, from then until now I have not initiated any conversations or hang outs, but we don't go more than 12 hours without texting. She's wanted to hang out more than we did before, and while we are hanging out, she acts a little strange, telling me about how much she talks about how amazing I am to the people she knows and being extremely complimentary. There's a lot of stuff and I don't want to write too much, but all in all I'm getting the vibes that she is very conflicted and doesn't know what she wants. I am wondering what I should do: should I just continue to back off, but not actually move on? Or should I move on to other girls, which I know would make her extremely jealous. I just don't know how to react to her telling me not to wait for her. Thanks


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  • I think it really depends on how long you are willing to wait. And you also have to assume that she could be making an excuse or could be genuine. Is she worth getting hurt over?


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