I want to fight for a 2nd chance.

I need help, perhaps a man’s opinion. I don’t know where to start. I am 37, he is 32. For the past 7 months, I have played the back and forth game with a guy I was dating. It started off bad, he was living with his ex for “financial” reasons (still not sure if I believe it) I was a big secret to her. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings. As of 3 months ago, they no longer live together. From the beginning, we both felt an intense connection to each other and were somewhat happy. That was until I started to push him away on a weekly basis. I couldn’t stand the thought of him going home to her, whether or not they were still together is unknown. He still to this day says they were not, and he would never do that to me. He did lie to me a few times, he was out with her on occasions, I found out about them and confronted him. He always said he didn’t want me to know because it would hurt me, but they were strictly platonic.

During our 7 months together, I would constantly push him away, telling him to fix his home and then come find me. He would move mountains, beg, plead, cry, call, text, show up at my church and convince me that I was what he wanted. I was his BFF, soul mate, other half, our connection was intense. At first, I didn’t open up to him as much, I didn’t want to get hurt. After a few months, I finally opened up to him, however I always had this pit in my stomach about the ex. So, I broke it off with him about 20 times, my fault for taking him back each time. I must have lowered my standards and I see that now.

So a few months ago, he lost his home, job, car, money, etc. He had nothing, but then I started to push more from the relationship. I don’t know what I was expecting from someone who clearly had nothing to give at the moment. He always said and asked me to be patience, which I would do for a week or two and then I would lose it again. I would end it via phone, text, email, you name it I did it. Now this opened up Pandora’s box and set the tone for the next 2 months. Constant fights and arguing. I would meet him out, only to get upset, and leave him at the table. He would show up at church, and I would ignore him. Bottom line, I never trusted the relationship with the ex. I told him I am not a choice or option, to which he said I never was.

Long story, sorry….so about a month ago, I went to his house and found pictures of him and his ex at a wedding a few weeks back, we were not talking at the time, and the pics were of them kissing and hugging. His argument was that I let him go anyways, we were not together, and that I let him go. True, but what do I expect? We were not together, but didn’t expect him to fall back in her arms.

So a month ago, I sent an email, bowing out gracefully. I was on 2 weeks of NC, when I (stupidly) called him. He said he didn’t expect to hear from me again, and that he did miss me, but was tired off all the fighting. We talked for 4 hours, and he asked if we could start fresh, start all over as


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Most Helpful Guy

  • People deserve second chances, but this isn't a second chance. This is a third, fourth, 40th? I'm not sure but clearly you gave him a lot of chances, some may say too many even.

    I don't blame your actions. A guy would move out of his girlfriends place no matter what it took if they were truly broken up, and then keep you a secret from her. If he couldn't afford a place on his own, why didn't he move in with a roommate? Sure it's tough, but it sounds like it took some time.

    Even if what he was saying was true, he jumps from one girl to another without a second thought. From her to you to her in an instant. Is that what you would really want? If he was really concerned about her feelings while he was living with her, why didn't he wait to date someone?

    My question is, is there any indication that he's changed at all? From what it sounds like, there doesn't seem to be.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • no way,he is obviously lieing..oh suddenly he has pics of him kissing his so called ex because you kept breaking up with him? bull sh*t..girl you were battling the truth..in your gut you know it doesn't sound right, because it isn't..he was playing you both..if he wasn't he would introduce you to her and get it out in the open,oh but wait,he doesn't want to hurt her,really? how would she be hurt if there's nothing between them..I call bullsh*t

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  • Well... I think second chances are always good ,but you relationship is not healthy. You can't just rid of the past so easily. I notice you never said how you love him and that's its too difficult living without him. You're just I. Love with the idea of being with him. Every time you're with him - you don't want him any longer which just cause him and you heart break. And he should have been a man about his relation with you to his ex. No one deserves to be deceived. I truly don't see what you are gain from this relationship other than sadness. Don't go to him because he is available right then ... You need to move, you will be stuck in the past with him

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