Should we take a break/break-up/date other people?

My girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly 7 years now. I am 24. She is 23. We met in high school our junior year, and have been together ever since. I lost my virginity to her, and this is the only real relationship I have ever been in. It is all I know. And this is the only serious relationship she has ever been in.

On and off now for a couple years I have had doubts about us. I have wondered if we are meant to be together. If I'm "In love with her" or if I just "love her". I am having these doubts now stronger than before. I just had a talk with her about this last night. She says she often felt these same doubts. And that she just stuck through it and the doubts would go away. That something would happen that would strengthen us. And I have also done the same, with the same result. Are these doubts normal?

Last year around this time (October). I cheated on her. I was having these same doubts then, and was questioning us. Alcohol was involved, but I'm not using that as an excuse. It is the only regret I have in my life. It is a flaw on myself that I can never erase. And I will never do it again. It made me feel horrible about myself. I confessed to her what I did. She forgave me not 5 seconds after I told her. And still wanted to be with me. We're still together now, and have worked past my horrible mistake together.

Just last week I met a woman who I now have a crush on. Is this normal? If I'm in love with my girlfriend, shouldn't I not feel this way towards another woman? She knows this, I confided in her about it as well. She says she has had crushes too but has never pursued them because of us.

I don't know what it is I want in a relationship anymore. Though she is everything I want in a woman, I doubt my own happiness. I don't know if what we have is what I want. I sometimes wonder if we stay together out of convenience or fear of being alone. We are only human after all. Is this just human nature?

But these doubts are resurfacing again, and I'm unsure. Should we take a break? Should we date other people to see if what we have is what we want? Should we just break-up, as we aren't meant to be? I need help. I don't know what to do.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have had the very same experience as you, I've dated the same man from high school, for 8 years and in a time of doubt I cheated on him as well, he then admitted to me he had cheated on me, this was a few years ago now, we have a kid together now so I'm going to give it a longterm shot...

    I really do like the part where you said it was a flaw you can never erase, I feel the same, just awful about it. Like I'm less of a person. Its tempting to start over just because of that, and I wanted to leave him because I cheated on him.

    anyway from what your saying it sounds like you really need a break just to see where you stand, you've never had another relationship and maybe its something you need to do in order to truly appreciate one.

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What Girls Said 6

  • you probably just need time apart,but if you love each other and you have that much history,trust me,many people could only wish they had what you two have..lets say you met someone new,eventually the newness would wear off and you would be in the same boat,bored,ask her what she thinks, a break might do you both some good. You are so lucky she forgave you for cheating,she is in the same relationship as you are and hasn't cheated on u,u were being selfish there, but you already know that.

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  • Proceed with caution, cause if you all break up and she ends up with someone else and you regret breaking up...well...you see the risk you take. Think before you act. Can you see her with someone else and be OK with that?

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  • Sounds like you do need to take a break and see what happens.

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  • If you are worried you are missing out on something you are not, that I can assure you on. I think you really need this through before making a decision you might really regret. My boyfriend and I were together for 5yrs and we had doubts about us too . We br o up for a couple of months while hedecided to date another girl. I was a total wreck, I cried a lot and became very depressed. It was during that time I realized he really was all I needed. I fought very hard to get him back and I did. I was very lucky that it turned out well. It might not have if he realized maybe for him I wasn't it. Are you OK if you break up and she moves on with someone else? Being intimate with someone that isn't you? There really is a lot to think about .

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  • I think y'all should take a break.

    You both deserve to grow as individuals, date around and find out what exactly it is you want from a guy/girl and relationship.

    And it's much better to end the relationship on a good note and through mutual agreement than to have it end by repetitive cheating. Plus, the trust has already been broken.

    She deserves someone who loves her and respects her.

    Just explain to her that you're at a point in your life where you're questioning yourself, what you want from life and that you need time to grow up a bit on your own.

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  • That's a tough one.

    I don't know exactly the best way you should go about that, but whenever I have many doubts/questions about something, I take a break from it to focus on myself.

    If you don't feel you are exactly happy, go out there and find out what will.

    Just imagine being 70 years old and being old, gray and grumpy. Don't regret something only because you are afraid of hurting others. Sometimes in life you need to be selfish.

    You never know what, or who is out there for you. Yes, the years are amazing time you spent together, but the quality of the relationship and how fulfilling it is for you should matter the most (quality, not quantity).

    Good luck, man.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Well I'm putting your relationship to the side, you seem to have some serious issues. Especially the cheating.

    That being said. Crushes are normal. It's not like we just get 'turned off' sexually just because we're in a long-term relationship. But with many crushes - the reality of being with them is not all it's cracked up to be. They happen even after many years of being with a person you love. The key is to not act on them.

    That being said, back to your relationship specifically - that's a tough one. I'm sure a lot of the issues stem from the fact that you started off together so young, and you've never had experience dating. Of course, that's not all it's cracked up to be, either...read some of the dating questions on this site.

    Good luck.

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