Together for six years, engaged for two.

my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 yeats total and on our 4 year anniversary we got engaged. I had no idea he was going to ask me... thing iswe have never discussed marriage. I vant even bring it up without him giving me fhe sileny treatment. I ask questions like when are we getting married and he goes off! he says he's not ready,then why the f*** did he ask me? I'm 23 and I want to start a life for myself but he keeps holding me back. I love him dearly and I want him to marry me...

Updates:
thank you all for your responses :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You love him, but you've been with him since you were 17. He may be having second thoughts. Assuming you're the same age, neither of you has had a true adult relationship, meaning one that started and grew while you were adults. You've only had the one relationship that started when you were high school kids. In these situations it's very common for people to have doubts about their decisions and whether they're missing out on something because they're stuck in something familiar (possibly his case) and also to hold on to something long past its expiration date because they've never faced being alone add an adult (possibly your case).

    Even if this isn't what is causing issues for him, he's very clearly unhappy about some aspect of the relationship. If he can't come around or even open up enough to tell you what's wrong after six years together, you may want to seriously reassess the relationship. The state you're in now isn't a good way to start a marriage. Step back from your involvement with him for a moment and imagine two strangers in your position and ask yourself what you would advise them to do.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Were you two in a bad patch, at the time that he asked you to marry him? I'm not saying your guy is this type, but some guys propose to save a troubled relationship. But perhaps he is under a lot of stress right now that he feels may affect your future. Money problems, health, if you sit down and cry and beg and throw things and crash the car he will tell what is wrong. Perhaps you don't really want to know, but if you work hard enough you will get the answer. Either way, don't waste another day of your life not working toward making yourself happy, and those you care about happy. The choice in yours.

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  • sounds like he is afraid of the bonds of marriage but also doesn't want to not be with him... I think you need to explain to him that being together for 8 years and two of them engaged is great and you're happy that he has been so comitted to you but that you want the next step. Don't ask

    "when are we going to get married?"

    tell him

    "i want to get married and I want us to set a date and start putting the wheels in motion"

    if he gets angry then tell him that it simply isn't fair for him to just decide that he gets to decide the course of action in the relationship. Perhaps you two need to speak with a therapist to discuss what seems like a clear fear of comittment or perhaps he needs to know that there is a limit to how long you'll wait for a marriage decision

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  • It sounds like he has commitment issues. Could be he's with you, but is afraid to commit in case something better to comes along (there won't be anything better, but something makes him think there will be). There are a couple of ways you could play it - you could just ask him outright if he wants to be with you long term (with the chance that he might say no), or you could just maintain the status-quo - stay in permanent engagement for the time being.

    Curious - who asked who when you got engaged, and had you discussed it before hand?

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    • he asked me, but his sister amd I talked about it for a long time beforehand and pretty mu h everyone knows he's the only one I want.

What Girls Said 1

  • Hmm.. that is def weird.

    He has been with you for 6 years, so apparently he must love you. He has engaged you. So I'm not sure why he doesn't want to at least discuss the marriage?

    Could it be that he doesn't have the money to put up for the wedding yet?

    Try writing a letter and let him know how you feel.

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    • I don't want a wedding and he knows that... I've wrote him a letter before and he got half way threw balled it up and threw it

    • Show All
    • I d k hun, I wish I could help but that is a very weird situation. Hopefully all will turn out well.

    • Welcome!

      Best answer?

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