Me and my boyfriend broke up almost two months ago. He was acting immature and he also had hurt me. He initially wanted to break up with me and just be friends but I told him that I didn't want any parts of that. I didn't want to be just friends. I wrote him a letter expressing how I really felt.. I wanted to move on to marriage with him, live together and eventually have babies too. I told him that maybe we should just go our separate ways and that if he doesn't want to be with me then its OK. I told him Some other man will do all the things he didn't want to do. After he read the letter he told me he was heartbroken and didn't want to loose me to someone else and he said he would better himself. fast forward a few month to present day and he has been keeping his word. He's bettering his life and growing more mature. But since he's focused on becoming stable and bettering himself he said he doesn't want to be in a relationship right at this moment. He wants to be secure with his self and grow more mature. All of which he plans on continuing because change take time and consistency. So right now we are talking to each other but we aren't in a relationship...its like we're dating or getting to know each other all over again and, trying to see if we can work things out. Everything is going really good. ...But we were having sex too...today I sat down and really thought about it and I didn't know if having sex was a good idea. I enjoy making love with him and its one of the best feelings ever but I don't want him to think he can have all of me and not have to ever commit. I feel like sex should only be with people you love, in a relationship, or in marriage...that may be a different way to think but that's how I feel. I'm scared that if we keep having sex he will think he never has to make me his girlfriend again. Right at this moment I don't want to be in a relationship just yet because I want to see him grow and prove to me that he is worthy of me but I do love him and I do want to talk to him in a dating way...like when you first meet a person. But at some point I want to move towards a relationship not just keep talking. Is it OK to keep having sex or should I tell him that we should only do that when he wants to make me his girlfriend? I don't know if the sex effects how he thinks or not. I want him to remember that I only like doing it because we love each other and we agreed that we will get back together soon. I don't want him to forget the main goal...even though he is showing me that he wants me and only me and that he wants to stabilize his lie for himself and for me...I guess I just felt alil paranoid. What should I do about the sex? Is it OK or not?
Most Helpful Guy
You're right that, if you have sex with him while not his girlfriend, then he doesn't have as much incentive to change or want you to become his girlfriend. The problem, though, is you've been doing it; so, if you try and stop it, he won't like it, and it's hard to say how he'll respond. You asking say you're dating, but you don't want to be in a relationship. Well, whether it's official or not, you are. The most important thing is his actions; so, although I'd have recommend that you not start having sex with him during this time, I'd suggest that you just continue as you are for as long as he keeps bettering himself.0
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