Why can I not let my ex-fiancé go?

I'm a 26 year d guy who's in need of some advice from anyone willing to help.

So I guess I'll start from the beginning. My ex-fiancé and I were together almost 6 years, a week or so shy of 6 years. We started dating in high school, I was 16 and she was 15. Like any other relationship we had our ups and downs but managed to stay together through all the tough times. When I was 20 I decided I was going to join the Army. She wasn't too fond of the idea but I figured I would do it to better my life and create a future for me and her and our family eventually. I left for basic training in Sept. 08'. Our relationship seemed to get even stronger when I was away. Anyway I finish basic, come home for a month and then leave for my gaining unit. She stayed back home and we both were wanting her to come out and live with me on post. Things were a little strained the first few months because of the amount of work I was doing and not having cell phone service where I was stationed didn't help. Well during this time one of my "buddies" from back home called/texted my ex saying I was cheating on her, which I cleArly was not and wouldn't ever. She brings it up and me wanting to fix things flys back home on a four day weekend two weeks before my birthday. Well before the incident, she had been pushing me to buy a ring and ask her to marry her. Well when I was home on that weekend I proposed to her and she said yes. Two weeks later on my birthday I get a happy birthday phone call from her in the morning, she even sang it. Hours later I get a phone call saying she needs to "find herself" and "if you love someone you let them go and eventually they'll come back". It was a sh*tty breakup and I was devestated needless to say, it made a grown ass man (me) cry like a little girl for months.

Fast forward to now, I've had a couple relationships since then, she's got a boyfriend. I still think about her constantly...I kinda obsess about it and it consumes me daily. I'm sick of living my life this way and need help/advice on letting it finally go! Thanks for reading.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sir I don't know you but I have gone trough a somewhat similar situation. With a women I was in a relationship for two years, I asked her to marry me and she said she would love that. One day it became hard for the two of us to find time for one another and instead of working through it she sent me a message saying we should have time apart and gave me the whole if you love something you let it go crap. She also told me I could have any girl I want, which made me feel worse because I wanted her not someone else. I find out a couple weeks later she is already in a new relationship, her family already knows about the guy and they had pictures of themselves together from before, it's clearly obvious she already was with the guy.

    Since the day that happened I can move on meet other people but at the end of the day in my mind I knew what I had then and I knew what I felt. This was someone I had made plans with to spend my life with and one day she just cuts me out of it and then I am expected to go on with my life just like that. It doesn't work I will tell you that. I have gone on a cross country trip, meet several people but still there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her.

    You can find other women to date, you can find activities to occupy your mind but your always going to have to deal with the fact you invested a significant portion of your life with someone you loved and she hurt you. Trust me following the break up your going to have feelings like why you weren't good enough for them, how you might never find anyone else, it is really something that is going to play on your mind and time isn't going to make a difference.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I understand, sir believe me! I am so sorry you are going through this. I have to ask though why did your friend lie about you cheating? Did you try to convince her that was a lie? It seems to me she was looking for a reason to leave. She seemed confused and wishy washy, and honestly it does seem that she is trying to "find herself"

    How long has it been since you two were broken up? I never believed in that saying "Time will heal" No, time just makes things different. I am not saying you won't move on, you will! It will take time though, I mean you were with her for a long time. It is not expected for you to just move on quickly and it's natural for all of us human beings to move on eventually. Do you have contact with her? If you do that could also be putting on damper on you moving on. I believe in any break up you should cut complete contact with that person, until you are ready to talk to that person again. Anytime when someone breaks up with someone majority of the time, the one person doesn't want to breakup. Feelings are rarely mutual when breaking up, so it leaves the one who wants a relationship with that person in despair, worry, sadness, and anger.

    Anytime when you have negative emotions, it's always irrational, and you make irrational decisions. That is why I believe anytime when someone breaks up with someone, you cut complete contact and you don't talk to them until you are rational and your mind is clear. You need to process the situation, and you need to have time for yourself and when you are to that point when you are OK with talking to that person, then do so. Ask your questions or try to be friends with them or just don't ever talk to them whatever you want to do is fine, but please I can't stress this enough do it when your mind is clear and you can handle the negative, and when you are comfortable.

    You will let go...trust me! It takes time! There are so many people in this world, and she is not the only person you will have a connection with. It might not be right now, it might not be soon, but YOU WILL find someone that is right for you, and you will find someone that will respect you.

    Take care! And you can always message me, hope I helped!

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  • You were doing all the right things in trying to secure a future for yourself and for her. It's very understandable why you have a hard time letting it go. Between a "friend" telling her you're cheating on her to her accepting the proposal and then saying she needed to find herself, it's a lot to take in.

    I can't say I know this for sure, but she may have been dating around on YOU while you were away. This supposed "friend" may have been a made up story to cause an action from you to get in touch with her when it was difficult for you to do so. That she was willing to let you go is on her - you did nothing wrong. You want closure, to figure out why she broke up with you when you did every thing she asked.

    Try to see that you're better off without a fickle person. Try to see that she saved you future grief and that you will find a good woman who won't test you like she did.

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What Guys Said 1

  • 6 years is a lot of time invested. Hell one year alone is a mini-milestone and its hard for some people to let go.

    2190 days invested in your ex, so it is impossible to move on like the wind.

    Are you still in the Army? I know for a fact non-co's and co's will enforce the idea of not getting into a serious relationship in your first 8 years of service because that's your transition from a man to a great man. Your serving the country and you might put your life in the line one day.

    Trust me, I enlisted in the Marine corps as a chef/cook then I got forced to the infantry, then promoted to 0317 (scout sniper), so that right there tells you nothing is for certain.

    You're in your late 20's so don't rush into things. You'll find a great woman someday, the path to righteousness is the most rewarding, you just gotta be patient.

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