How can you stop being scared of the future?

My boyfriend and I are at the stage where we started talking about marriage. Up to this point, I was 100% sure that I want to marry him, and I honestly can't imagine my life with anyone else. But recently we started having some discussions that I guess we never really thought that deeply about before. For example, we are both Catholic, but he never really likes going to church. I told him that once we are married and have kids, I expect him to go every Sunday because it's important to me to raise kids that way. He told me right now he doesn't feel like going, but he will start once he has to. Same thing with smoking cigarettes - he smokes once in a while but said he'd stop once we move in together, because I told him it's a requirement. And although he is telling me all those things he will do in the future and technically I will be getting what I wanted, I feel so nervous about everything that's happening. Like, how do I know he will do all those things he now promises he will do? If he can't stop or do something now, how do I know he will do it in the future? I feel terrible demanding things that he doesn't really want to do, and I am scared that some day in the future he will just tell me he still doesn't want to do them, and I will have wasted years of my life just to have to break up at that point. How can I somehow calm down and trust he really will do all those things in the future? How do I stop worrying about the future so much and the little things that we differ on? I am literally petrified that there will be something we don't agree on and can't compromise on and we will have to break up.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Why is it important to raise your kids and bring them to church? Why can't your kids make a choice to follow whichever religion that suits their beliefs most? There is no guarantee that he will do these things if you two get married. Then again, there shouldn't really be a checklist of requirements that a person must meet before marriage. Odds are that you two won't get married so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

    • Well religion is an important part of my life, so I would want to raise my kids in it. Also those were just examples, there are other things, I was just trying to show that there are things I feel like we might not agree on in the future, and so if we don't, I am afraid we will have wasted time and would have to suddenly split up, and I don't want that :/ I am worried about the future and the unknown, and don't know how to stop worrying, that is my problem. And I do plan on marrying him.

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