Trying to figure out what went wrong in my 10 month relationship. I met this amazing man 10 months ago and we really hit it off. We are so compatible, have amazing chemistry, want the same things out of life etc. We were basically inseparable. He went through a horrible divorce before he met me- the divorce was official four months before he met me but they had been separated for two years. She actually left him for another girl but won't admit she's gay even though she's living with her girlfriend. She cleaned out his bank account, and would have the girlfriend live at their house while he was away 3 months out of the year for the military. She wouldn't even answer her phone while he was away . He was absolutely distraught over it. Now, when I first met him and we were developing our relationship he made it seem like he was over her and was ready to move on- and I truly believe he wanted to. He said he had wanted someone like me forever and just wanted a normal girl and wanted to start a life and settle down with someone. He treated me like a queen and we were like best friends. All that being said, even though his ex was living with her girlfriend she would always bother him. Ask him for favors, ask him to install shelves at their apartment etc. He always did it. Then, she would blame him for all the problems in her life and he would become severely depressed. He would be in this incredible funk for a few days then he would tell me he needed space. I would leave because I knew he needed to be alone and he needed time to heal, but then we would start talking and would try to just be friends but that never worked. We always ended getting back together as boyfriend & girlfriend. I would ask him "are you sure you're ready?" and he would say he was and he would say he didn't want his ex to ruin our relationship. We would be great for a month or two, his ex would come back around and it would be the same thing...he would get depressed, stressed and needed space. He ended up asking me if I would help him find a Dr. to get over her. I helped him, I even drove him to the dr.- and he really helped. Every time he went to the Dr. he would be in a great mood for a few days, be the best boyfriend in the world. Then boom- she would show up..either a text or a phone call and the cycle would continue. Now, last week he professed his love for me..said he was committed to me and our future. He said he was ready to move on from his past and start a life with me. We even planned a weekend getaway and talked about moving in together. Well, five days after he professed his love to me she came back in the picture and he just told me again he needed space..wtf. I've been so supportive and I know deep down he does love and care for me but now I'm thinking he was just using me to get over her..even though it didn't work because he's still hung up on her. She won't leave him alone and he's not strong enough to do it by himself. Has anyone been through this? I won't chase him but I don't want to give up.
Most Helpful Girl
Unfortuntely there's not much you could do in this situation besides what you're already doing, which obviously isn't working. They don't have any kids, right? So there is really no reason for her to continue to be a part of his life. If he can't figure that out though, and kick her out for good, that's not fair to you. I'd stay away for awhile. If he ends up back together with her, or needs to spend more time getting over her, then you've only saved yourself more time and heartache. If he finely figures out he can't have the both of you (and that he shouldn't want her in his life) and comes back to you, great. If not, you've already started yourself on the rode to getting over him.1