If you find someone you connect with better while in a relationship, is it still cheating?

This question is inspired by two things, 1) that show Betrayal on ABC and 2)

the fact the people keep telling me what kind of man I should want and where

I should find him. Instead of realizing I'd like to follow my heart and have a

great connection and so on and fourth. They want to put me in this convenient

little geographically desirable most be logical not emotional, type box.

And, frankly. It's pissing me off. Sorry, just venting. On to my question.

So, I'll just cut to the chase. Say you get married and have kids with one

person, but down the line many years later. You see someone that

"you feel this spark with, that you've never felt before". And, so you

and that person end up talking and you find out they're married and have kids

as well. You know nothing can happen, because your with someone else.

But, let's say you two couldn't resist each other and ended up sleeping

together, not out of lust but out of an emotional connection (that's hard to

explain and hard to deny). Would you (personally, not legally), still consider

that cheating?

I don't condone cheating ,however people get married for all sorts of reasons

and they're not always the right ones.So, though a scenario like this. While not very common,

is still probable. Never say never, right. So, what are your thoughts?


Most Helpful Girl

  • well this happened to me. I had a boyfriend but mind you my connection to him was fading before I met someone else. and iv never had sex so no extreme case here.

    so I met this other guy and then I realised, ok…. he's different and we connect a lot better. so I knew I could not lead my boyfriend on and continue to tell him I loved him. every time he said I love you I wouldn't say it back, so he realized something was up. I let him go because I knew that I couldn't lie to him and myself about how I felt, even tho I thought he was 'the one' at some point. so I broke it off and am now with the amazing guy I met.

    but with your question..ur talking about marriage. marriage is BIG. I will NEVER sleep with anyone other than my husband. even if someone is fantastic, my love to my husband will stop me from doing anything that extreme. I would consider it cheating of course, sleeping with another person outside of marriage is just blatant adultery… people deny it but that's what it is?

    this is why people need to take their time when choosing a partner…. to avoid getting married for the wrong reasons. these divorce rates just need to stop skyrocketing its saddd


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • "But, let's say you two couldn't resist each other and ended up sleeping

    together, not out of lust but out of an emotional connection (that's hard to

    explain and hard to deny). Would you (personally, not legally), still consider

    that cheating?"

    Absolutely. You have an obligation and a duty to not sleep with anyone else if you're married.

    The only way you could be in a relationship and consensually sleep with someone else and have it NOT be cheating would be 1) if it was a threesome (or orgy) and your partner was present while you had sex with someone else, or 2) if your partner was not there but you and your partner had already agreed to have an open relationship where each person was free to engage in sexual activities with other people.

    • Well, this question isn't so much about the sex. But, more about the emotional connection that you might not feel with the one you married to. I appreciate your opinion though and get where you're coming from.

What Girls Said 2

  • Definitely still cheating. It doesn't matter what your reasons are for sleeping with someone else, the fact is you're doing something that breaks the trust and commitment between your spouse.

  • Sleeping w/someone you're not married to = cheating

    Finding an emotional connection w/someone else by chance = not cheating

    Actively pursuing said emotional connection = cheating (ESPECIALLY since it lead to sex)


    'Hey, you're cool. We like the same activities, let's hang out,'

    is something completely different than

    'I feel this deep emotional bond that makes me romantically/sexually attracted to you (even though I'm married). Let's go out and do things that traditionally only couples do.'

    You can feel really well connected w/someone, but that doesn't mean you have to pursue any romantic/couple-like activities w/them. Best friends often have a similar connection that remains completely platonic.

    Don't take this personally, as it's not aimed at you, but sometimes I feel like just telling people (often in soap operas/primetime TV dramas) to stop whining and get on the horse you've chosen to ride. 'Probably the reason I don't watch 'em.


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