My angry grows everyday and I really hate people. How to let go?

Basically I only have two people in my life, besides my family that I don't hate. Except I really hate my mother. All my life she treated me differently than my brother. My older. As a kid she use to lock me in my room for hours, if I did something wrong or if I didn't listen. She wouldn't feed me. When I was five she punched me in the face with her ring on. I was bleeding. She made up lies that my father beat her and cheated on her when they got divorce. Tey divorced when I was 10. I'm 21 now. When they divorced we lived in a shelter and would move around a lot. She would abuse me mentally all the time. She would call me fat, a whore, ugly, a slut an that would never amount to anything, she said I never would have friends because I'm a terrible person.she use to drag me by the hair to my room or pull my arm. When I told her I didn't like her boyfriend she punched me in the face. When I would ask her simple questions she wouldn't answer and would ignore me for two days. Sometimes she would refuse to take me to school or make me walk to other places. She told me it was my responsiblity to get around. Even at the age of 14. We went to see a psychologist when I was 17 or 18, and the lady saw right through my mom. When the psychologist told my mom that she was wrong we never went again. She told everyone about my alcohol problem and how I overdosed once. She tells everyone family problems. I use to drink all the time to get rid of the pain. I hate her so much and I truly wish a painful death on her. She is scum of the earth. I never want to be near people because of her. Everything a person does angry a me. There smiles are fake. Their personalties are fake. It annoys me when men tell me to smile. Who thefucj are you to tell me to smile. I don't have to smile or you don't have to tell me how to control my expressions. I hate being around people so I just stay home all day, unless I work. After I lost 30 pounds and a nose job more guys pay attention to me. I have nothing but hate because when I was uglier they never pay attention to me. So to me it's fun playing with minds. I have so much angry in my soul. It angry me when people say hi, or touch me. Half the time I flinch. I just always want to be drunk. Even though I don't drink anymore, it hurts to be alive. I feel everything

I haven't lived with my mom for a year. She took my tax return money for putting her under her name. I lost 500 hundred dollars from it.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Most anyone can understand why you would hate your mother. Why do you apply that to the rest of the world? I don't get the sense that you want to give up your hate. You devote a lot of energy to justify why you should hold onto it. What do you want besides your mother's painful death?

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    • I want to help the homeless and abused kids

    • That is a very worthy goal. And very appropriate for your background. Can you visualize for yourself how you could be a good role model for kids who are full of anger at a parent after a life of abuse? What would you say to that child?

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What Guys Said 2

  • The only way you will be able to deal with your anger and social problems is to see a therapist. I would suggest trying to get an appointment with the one you saw with your mother.

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  • I assume you have at least had a boyfriend before, gotten laid before, be glad about that

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    • You're coming getting laid to getting abused all your life? No wonder you can't get laid.

    • well you don't need to initiate anything

What Girls Said 1

  • I'm so sorry that your young soul is going through all these.I really don't know what to say but I have the following quote for you :) which always makes me feel better whenever I'm angry:



    You will not be punished for your anger.You will be punished BY your anger.

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