Girlfriend cheated and wants to be friends with the guy

a couple months back my girlfriend of 6.5 years cheated on me with a older married guy while they were at work. we were both 24 and he was 37. she came home one day and broke into tears and told me she had cheated on me. later that week she said she didn't have any remorse and that she did it because she knew she could get away with it. she because told me details of what happened exactly what they did (it was at work). she went through a period of deciding whether she wanted to stay with me and that she hasn't been happy for years. she decided to stay with me and everything seemed to be going OK. there was the bump where he had told people at work and she hated him. today she asked me if I had an issue with them being friends (this being on a wake of him getting a divorce I don't know if that has any relevance) he gave her a gift and apologized. I have no idea what to think of this whole situation its very hard I have given up a lot and we live together. any advice?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Say bye..Why? well she wouldn't have cheated if she cared. I understand sometimes people do it and can take someone back( I cant) but she doesn't have any resppect for how you feel. Sounds like she is hapy screwing with your head. you tried it didn't work out. The words I haven't been happy in years is key! I sai those words to my ex not out of anger but I thought it was time because I knew we were not right for one another. he was so hurt but I knew in my hearts of hearts that I wasn't happy. I can tell you those are some of the hardest words to come out of my mouth and I would NEVER have said them in anger. She doesn't care about how you feel. She just says whatever she can to hurt you. 6 1/2 years is a long time yes and I'm sorry but do you really want to be that guy who is sitting at home wondering what she is doing or when she gets mad at you stabbing you with hurtful words that are unneccsarry. That's not love. everyone deserves to be in a relationship with soomeone who loves them as much as you love them. it just doesn't sound like she does I'm sorry don't take that wrong but she sounds like she needs time to grow up she isn't a kid she is 24. I'm 21 and wouldn't do the things she is doing to anyone. I really hope you do what makes you happy in the end just don't stay becasue you have been together along time I understand if you love her trust me but no one deserves to be treated like that! By the way my ex recently texted me and said thank you so much for telling me you were unhappy. I might not have known it but I wasn't eithier he is also now married with a brand new baby and extremly happy. he is on my Facebook. Him and his wife look extremly happy and you can see it in there eyes I also found someone who makes me extremly happy. I reccomend just letting her go so you can find that happiness

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What Girls Said 27

  • you should dump her, she will not "stay friends" with this guy especially when he's getting a divorce. the reason she's asking you is so that you don't flip out or find it suspicious when she starts hanging out with him instead of you after work/on weekends or if someone tells you they saw her with him.

    im not surprised she said she knew she could get away with it because you literally just let her and wanted to stay with her after she said something as nasty as that! she's going to do it again

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  • If you have any self-respect, self-esteem and integrity left, you will DUMP her. You deserve better. Karma is a bitch and she'll get what she brings upon herself.

    You need to breakup, spend some alone time with yourself and work on moving on. She's a whore. Would you really want to wife her up? You're wasting your time on someone who cannot be fixed.

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  • Wow! Kick her ass out. Sorry. Hell no you can't befriend the dude you banged. Sorry, but how dare she. She breaks down, then has no remorse. Then she befriends him. She lacks self respect and respect for you. I don't normally encourage someone to leave. But she thinks she can do it and get away with it. Time to welcome her to reality. Don't let the door hit in the ass on the way out.

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  • I feel as though I have seen a very similar post before...

    In any case, leave her. Move her stuff out and cease communication. She cheated and did it because she knew she could get away with it.

    It's hard, but you need to leave her.

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  • Ugh. No.

    She cheated on you and didn't care? Weird.

    It is 1000000% reasonable for you to request her to not have a relationship of any sort with this man.

    If I were her and I wanted to be his friend it would be because I was still banging him or wanted to...

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    • But really, why are you with her? People are either cheaters or not. Her lack of remorse indicates it will likely happen again. Once you realize how easy it is to get away with it you almost get desensitized to it...

  • Do you love yourself more or do you love her more? Before any choice pray about it to God. He will give you the strength and peace that you need. Trust in Him. Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.''

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  • take a break and have one of you move out. I'm sorry to sound harsh but that's a real deal breaker and I wouldn't feel the same if that happened to me... especially when she told you she had no remorse and knew she could get away with it? wtf who says that to their boyfriend or girlfriend? imagine how she would feel if it was you who cheated on her. you deserve better than that and you deserve as much time as YOU need to decide what you want in your life... including whether you want her. take care.

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  • It seems like you didn't react. You talk about your girl but not about you. Did it hurt you? I guess we don't know everything because right now she just sound selfish and inconsiderate.

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  • Even if I was nice/dumb enough to stay with someone who cheated on me, I would sure as hell not be OK with them being friends with the other person. That's just asking for more hurt and drama. If you're a nice enough guy to get a god in the first place, this won't be your last one if you leave her. You sound way too nice for her. The fact that you're even considering letting her be friends with this guy while she's still with you shows that she doesn't deserve you. I bet she knows it too. Don't let her milk you like this. If I were you, I would pack my things and leave without a word. MAYBE a not that said I'd had enough. Maybe.

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  • You shouldn't be with someone who has cheated on you. In a few years you'll realize how silly it is for staying with someone who would do that to you.

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  • I feel their is more going on here. Why isn't she happy? Do you treat her right? Are you 100% faithful? If the honest answer is yes.then this girl just doesn't love you the way Yu deserved to be love and you should end It. This guy is obviously planning on getting laid. And you would be dumb not to make that clear to her. Let her know how it feels in your shoes. Tell her how if you have slept with a girl would she let you be her friend? I honestly think you should have lefted her the minute she cheated in you, at least for a little bit. I think you need to end it, it sounds like she will cheat on you regardless of what you say. If you do treat her bad though then you can't really blame her. A lot of guys get over controlling and possessive and they wonder why the girl ends up cheating or leaving. Being over controlling is not love, its selfish. But in your case it seems like its her fault

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  • Wow, she told you she feel no remorse because she knows she would get away with it? Sound like she doesn't love you enough if she cheated on you and doesn't feel guilty... but this is just an opinion. I don't know her to judge her. Forgiveness is hard, but it's the only way to feel free. But, even if you do decide to forgive her, really forgive her, you have to think about what's best for you. If you think staying with her is worth it, than do it. But if I were you, I wouldn't want to be with her.

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  • Break up. It will be hard, but you are only 24... She doesn't respect you. :v

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  • As long as the person cheat, let her go...there are better girls out there.

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  • Run for the hills. Been in this situation before. I'm sorry you have to go through it :( She wants to be with the other guy, but still has a comfort love within you so she's not 100% sure if leaving you is what she wants. Sounds like me like she wants the other guy...he even got her a gift. She just feels guilty for doing it but she mentioned she's not happy anymore. Luv, you don't deserve this. Run...before it gets worse. Again, sorry if this came off straightforward! I've been in this situation and it sucks when someone hurts you like that. She'll do it again I promise you that

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  • I would end it now! It seems like she can't be trusted, and if she truly loved you, she would have ended it before having sex with someone else! She says she knew she could get away with it, which means what else has she done that she thinks she can get away with! That's totally not fair to you and you should definitely end it, although I know it won't be as easy as it sounds. If she cheats on you once, and you don't end it, then she'll keep doing it knowing nothing bad will happen and there will be no consequences. If she hasn't been happy, then I don't think much can change. That man clearly seems to be interested in her, and she doesn't seem like she's pushing him away to be with you. Not fair.

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  • I'll make this brutal and honest just like my personality. She's using you. She's hung up all over this guy, and she's probably staying with you (for now) because she wants a safety net. If he doesn't work out then hey no big deal she's got you, so she won't be alone. This girl is no good for you, and to be honest she sounds like a bitch. How do you know she hasn't done this before? How do you know she won't do it again? It's not worth it to stay with her. I get that you've invested almost 7 years in this girl, I get that it's going to be hard to let go. But it's time to cut your losses. Go find a girl that actually deserves you.

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  • Damn what's wrong with her, I'm sorry but that's just not fair and its so strange, you shouldn't be with someone that cheats on you but that's your choice , tell her eather you f***ing stop talk to him or Even look at him or I'm done with u, you ruined enough by cheating , be commanding in some things if you're nice all the time she Will run you over, show her WHO is the man , some girls need that to get something in their head if she still dosnt get anything dump her ASS and find a girl who is faithful and ... Well normal:) goodluck

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  • Leave her. She's taking advantage of your gentle heart.

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  • Haven't you already asked this question?

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    • What do you mean?

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    • Damn Nastya you're awesome!

      I love being right :)

    • haha glad I could help :D

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What Guys Said 17

  • the very fact she said , quote: "later that week she said she didn't have any remorse and that she did it because she knew she could get away with "

    she just said she didn't value you nor respect you enough to care if she hurt you or not.

    she went through a period of deciding if she wanted to be with you or not?was this before or after she cheated on you?

    if you'd have issues with them being friends or not ? good lord especially now that he's getting a divoce duh... yah I woud if I were you...

    tis girl should have been yesterdays trash sitting on te curb wondering what happened and why she thought she could get away with something like that...

    here's some things to consider he was married but yet intruded into your relationship... he not only caused your girlfriend to cheat on you but he cheated on his wife as well which I can omly surmise his wife may have found out about the affair as well could be the employess let it slip dah he told people at his job about it (bragging most likely how he got a younger woman piece of ass) who knows if he hasn't done this more before her even (having sex with other female employees or just other women in general... thus not only exposing you but her as well,to possible STD's.

    lol... he gave her a gift and apologized to her... she cheats gets an apology but hey your not even thought of because he didn't care if he hurt you or your relationship with her...he should have been apologizing to you after you found out about the affair...huh... that didn't happen did it...her no remorse and I bet no apology as well should show her contempt of you...

    yup you given up a lot ... you've allowed her to cheat on you without any repercussions from you on her part that's why it took a week for her to to tell you she had no remorse(and at the same time without saying it will do it again ...why because she kne she could get away with it...

    why are you even still with this piece of garbage (sorry but that in my opinion is what she is)

    after reading my post here if this didn't anger you you've got peanut butter for brains.

    you say you still live together so do you share the bills or do you take care of all (hmmm... I'd almost bet you take care of all of them... if so move her crap out say go stay with your cheating partner being your wanting to be friends so much . if by chance she does take care of some of the bills slowly have all other bills put in her name such as lease of apartment .. if she pays for part of the rent . if any utility is in your name cancel it then porepare to move out and leave her to take care of business on her own... sounds mean ...really I suppose her actions weren't towards you... let her know your btter than her and deserve better than her and move on with your life without this garbage dragging you down...

    I haven't read what any other posters have posted yet but I'll assume if their not idiots they may have told you similarly as well...

    however all we can do is make suggestions

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    • LOOKS LIKE I WAS RIGHT ABOUT MY SAYING OTHERS WULD SAY DUMP HER

    • OH YEAH PLEAE UPDATE US AS TO WHATHAPPENED FINALLY AND WHAT S HAPPENING NOW IN YOUR LIFE

  • Dump her. I don't judge you for stays with her after. But she didn't have remorse? She "knew she could get away with it?" This girl is going to continue to hurt you. I know you've been together for a long time so it'll be tough but I think your relationship has run its course. She obviously has some kind f issue going on right now to think like that

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  • I don't see why you're with her. I bet you're just scared to be alone. I bet you the odds are this relationship will be over soon regardless. It sounds like she's almost gone.

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  • (speaking as a guy who has been cheated on twice)

    I think the best question is why do you feel like you like you should even be with you?

    she cheated, and then debated whether or not to tell you or dump you, she tells you, and somehow retains all the power. now she wants to know if you have a problem with them being friends in the wake of his divorce him giving her gifts and apologizing.

    I think you should dump her. I'm sorry but she has NO REMORSE so it is clear she will probably do it again. Now if you don't have any problem with her hooking up with other guys, a) it's not really cheating & b) you should stay with her... but if you want a girl who is going to be faithful to you it doesn't sound like your girlfriend is the one

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  • You're getting played man, end this toxic relationship asap, she's not vested in it and she'll continue to mess around behind your back. Seriously, get out.

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  • I agree with yopyopyop, I'd leave her. It's most likely that you'd have to continue to make sacrifices until she got bored of it and left you on her on.

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  • Dump her immediately. that's the only advice. Anything else makes you a chump.

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  • Break up.

    Its not always the answer when someone cheats, but if the cheater isn't jumping through hoops to stay together, its over.

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  • Cut her loose and move on. In real life, you get your turn, not a deed to the property.

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  • Why is this even a question. She cheated on you just because she could. You can't trust her. End it.

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  • Dump her

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  • And your still with her because...

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  • What is wrong with you ? C'mon man! Wake up!

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    • She doesn't respect you and when she says she wants to be friends with this guy , she's really saying that she wants to bang him and still have a sucker aka to come home to.

    • *aka you

  • andddddd this is why you should date girls who ABSTAIN until marriage.

    But anyway, a betrayal on THAT LEVEl is simply unforgivable IMO.

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  • Dude. You need to break up and start over again fresh with a MUCH better girl. Think about this. . .

    She cheated on YOU.

    She told you she has no remorse.

    She told you she KNEW she could get away with it.

    You validated that. She DID get away with it.

    So what does that mean for your future? She KNOWS she can screw another guy whenever she wants to AND she can get away with it AND she has no remourse about it. Furthermore, she told you she wasn't happy with you for years and SHE was considering dumping YOU after she cheated on you.

    It's pretty much a guarantee that she'll screw around on you again. So if I were you, I'd get the hell out of there and start over again.

    Good luck.

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  • Be with someone that is not so disrespectful of you. I don't tell any woman what to do but I also don't stay with women that would even ask such a thing. Leave her

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  • If she has no remorse, you should not be with her. I agree with the sentiments of other posters here in that she will spend more time with him. After 6.5 years if she isn't happy, it may not work out. Save yourself some heartbreak and do what is best for you.

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