Am I being paranoid over my girlfriend?

So I've been with my girlfriend on and off for about 2 years. Though we've separated once we both never strayed away from one another. Now, out of the 2 years together there has been one instance where I thought my girlfriend was doing something behind my back. It started with Facebook...

So I logged onto my Facebook for the first time in about a month. I see on my feed that my girlfriend added a new guy. When I asked she accused me of being possessive and controlling. She told me he's just some guy who started talking to her at a bar. I let it rest. During this time she has accused me multiple times of being unfaithful. Mind you, I have never even hinted at wanting another woman. I've been extremely loyal and dedicated to her even when she is in the midst of an episode of depression. I have confessed to her on several occasions my desire to one day marry her and start a family.

Well, fast forward about a year forward and a few weeks prior I went away for a weekend with my friends. A guys only retreat. I ended up being a babysitter and making sure no one got arrested and/or killed. I come back and again check my FB and BAM another dude. I bit my tongue not wanting to start a fight but I couldn't hold back. She was acting distant and flakey. However, she acts like this while in school usually mid-semester is in full on depression and isolates herself (yes, she has depression and anxiety). So I asked her about her new friend. She again brought up this whole thing how I am controlling and manipulative. How he's just a friend from class and that I'm over reacting.

I've never been the jealous guy. I am usually very trusting of gf's. I believe in trust and being faithful. Am I just blowing up?


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What Girls Said 1

  • Well, I can understand your and her side. If my boyfriend would constantly question me about who the guy I add on face book is I would probably feel like he doesn't trust me. Or indeed is possessive

    I understand how you feel though. She is distant so you get anxious that is not weird at all if you care about someone so much that you even want to marry them someday.

    Best option here is; Talking you can assume what you want and she can react as she pleases. But in the end of the day you nor her understand each other. The best what to solve is just put how you feel on the table.


What Guys Said 1

  • By the length of this alone the ansewr is yes. You say "You scum, you didn't even read it! WTF?" to which I reply "If you're expounding a lot what's usually happening is you're cherry picking situations. This suggests more about a feeling of fear or regret and less of an actual observation. You're feeding us half a story and that half a story is going to lean towards your outcome. Bias."

    So then you say "WEll you still didn't read it" so then I read it ...

    I was right. However the bias is actually heavier than rational. You've given two completely different incidents with elements of her behavior but something is likely missing. The statements are too "short" within the focus scope of the actual happenstance. For instance she acuses you of this but you asked "only once" and it seems to have lasted a mere three minutes from the way you wrote it.

    The truth, senior?

    • I'm not used to feeling this way. Every time I try to talk to her about it she blows up. I'm not genius but to me if someone is accused of wrong doing they're are going to be all dramatic. The fact that she accuses me of cheating about once every 2-3 months coupled with her outbursts makes me feel that there is more to meets the eye with this new "class" friend.

    • Show All
    • She does little things that mean a lot to me. I travel a lot for work and she comes up almost an hour to see me every weekend. When their are problems she tries to go around them or flat out ignore them. She does have clinical depression and anxiety. She however doesn't take her medications regularly, refuses to see a therapist, and in turn dumps her problems on me. Our relationship has become me being her BF/BFFL/Therapist/Father/Advisor. I love her but I want a girl who is as dedicated.

    • As I thought the problems you posted and the real problem are just totally different things. There is no one path or quick resolution to your real problem however in regards to what I asked her avoidance builds her own stress therefore "A traveling man" + "I'll not say anything" + "HIgh Anxiety" is a recipe for accusations anyway. On topic why do you seem ... off-put by her adding these two men? Her high-strung pseudo-paranoia combined with your suspicion as well is a perfect mix for trouble.

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