Should I move on from him?

Me and one of my closest guy friends have been knowning each other for about a year now, and we have been friends with benefits for as long as I can remember, (and no he's not using me and I'm not using him because we put our friendship first over everything... we have strong trust, feel comfortable to be 100% ourselves around each other, and tell/do things we wouldn't do in front of most othr ppl) but part of me wants to take it further and make a relationship out of it. There have been more than a few times where we talked about that, but at the end of the day he only questions himself if he made the right decision or not. I already can tell he's not into full on commitment, but I feel like something different might happen in the future.Should I just move on?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm kinda in the same situation, but only for two and a half months.

    The thing is that you're not available. You're standing still in your life, and as long as you're in this situation, you probably won't run into anyone else.

    I'd think it's best to 1) turn this into a real relationship, 2) break up and move on, 3) keep the "situation" going but actively look for an other, more stable partner.

    Honestly: I think "friends with benefits" is BS. If there's sex involved, you're more than friends. Maybe you're not lovers or partners, but you're certainly not just friends.

    Funny/tragic story: There was this girl. I really loved her, and I believe the feeling was mutual. We had keys to each others appartment, and we practically lived togheter. Thing is: she had a been into this "friendship with benefits" story for 9 (!) years with some guy before. And after a while I received a text message out of the blue: He saw that we were very happy and he couldn't have it. So he put her on an ultimatum. She couldn't give him up. She couldn't let go of all their mutual friends and everything they've done together during all those years. And now they're in a childish relationship (obviously they have zero experience with real relationships) with constant fighting. Objectively, she's way worse of with this guy, but subjectively, she can't have a life without him.

    • Thank you that was very helpful

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What Guys Said 1

  • If you are ready to be in a exclusive relationship, but he, on the other hand, is not, then I suggest that you explore all of your options irrespective of your feelings for him. If at any time he decides that he is on the same page, and you happen to be available, I say go for it.


What Girls Said 2

  • Well, for starters, it doesn't really matter what you think of the other girl. It's up to him to make that decision.

    There are a few things that stand out to me in this:
    - you've been fwbs for a year but he's never committed to anything more
    - he sometimes acts like an a**hole/dick
    - he started dating someone else.

    As much as you say you're not "using" each other, you are. He's interested in the no-strings-attached thing you've got going and that's it. Don't let yourself get drug along thinking it will change because 9.5 times out of 10, it won't.

    • Soo true, but the thing is, he also said he wasn't even sure if he actually liked her he's just going out with her because she's cool, so what does that mean.

    • It means he wants to fuck her.

  • he found someone better then you, someone he likes better. don't get jealous

    • But the thing is, he also said he wasn't even sure if he actually liked her he's just going out with her because she's cool, so what does that mean.

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