Why many women blame the other women for 'stealing' their bf/husband?

I have noticed that whenever a woman cheat in a relationship,the man often blame their girlfriend or maybe himself for some reasons.You don't see many guys attack the other guys to defend his cheating girlfriend.

However Its totally different for women.Most of the time the other girl will be blamed or attacked.I am a woman myself and I always think if my boyfriend didn't give the respond how can the cheating case happened? What is your though about this?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • We live in a society that stereotypes men as always wanting sex, having difficulty controlling their sexual urges, etc. On the other hand, women are stereotyped as having less interest in sex.

    This leads to people viewing women in the "gatekeeper" role of sex. Men always want sex, and its women's role to either give or deny sex. Women who do a "poor job" at "gatekeeping" are shamed (i.e. women who have sex "too freely" are called sluts).

    So, when a woman cheats on her boyfriend, its her fault.

    If a man cheats with another woman, its the other woman's fault because you can't blame the poor guy for wanting sex and being weak-willed, it was the woman's job to say no. Instead, she "tempted" him and thus, she's a "slut" and "homewrecker".

    Of course, this is bullsh*t. If you make a promise of monogamy to your partner, its your job to keep that promise. Sure, its pretty sh*tty for someone to have sex with someone else, knowing they are in a relationship, but its ultimately your partner's job to remain faithful, as they are the one who made the promise to be faithful.

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    • nice one!

    • "If a man cheats with another woman, its the other woman's fault", bullsh*t. Men are the one's who are expected to blame the other man first of all and to get violent even. Women are expected to react by crying over it or looking for rebound sex with another man (someone who "deserves" them).

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What Guys Said 6

  • I've seem the same thing and this is how some women in my life have explained this to me:

    When a man cheats it is usually just sex. Nothing but variation from his regular or not so regular dish (I agree with this). When a woman cheats it is most often due to emotional reason. A lack of passion, love, attention, mental and emotional stimulation and maybe a little bit because of sex (she looks for these partner traits somewhere else).

    It has often been said that women have higher standards for men than men have for women. It would take a special man for a woman to fall for him. Usually said man is of high quality and is rare. He provides the overall ability to be a good attractive longterm partner. And other single women see this too

    Now what happens is that single women disrespect Whole relationships. They will meet this taken rare man and instead of finding a SIMILAR man they will be lazy and go for this SAME man. Sidechicks/mistresses have been known to wait for years to usurp the main (camilla Parker-Bowles comes to mind). The main gets more upset at the sidechick because she knows that most of the time she isn't there just for sex, but has ambitions of becoming the next queen.

    Guys don't attack other guys because they know that the cheating girlfriend is just a conquest for them. Usually just sex and then send her back to her boyfriend

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  • Well you're right. Women tend to attack the other women I guess. It is stupid and illogical, cause its the guy who had her trust etc. I think they might behave like this because a lot of women behave quite sheepishly with their friends. Like if one of them likes a guy, all of a sudden the rest are suddenly interested in him and compete. Guys do that too, but to a lesser extent. So that can explain a little bit about how they attack other women instead of the guy.

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  • this past summer I heard my mom, aunts and other old timer ladies have this conversation and they came to the conclusion that women have a bigger ego then we men do. though it always seems the other way around I think its true.

    i mean think about it, women do love competition after all; why do you think women gossip so much? and why do women never pay attention to men who are alone at a club, bar, party, mall, etc yet they do crave for men who always got women to their side.

    is like we men just like to roam around and mark different territory one after another, but women in the other had will always try to find that ESPECIAL territory and when they think they find it they will stay there and guarded till death forces them to move out

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    • and lets not forget that we men are also better at analyzing our own mistakes and learning from them

  • Unfortunately, most women are in denial about some basic facts, as evidenced by the female responses here. Anon guy below got it right. A married woman who doesn't keep her man sexually satisfied is begging for him to cheat. Not saying it's "right", but it's just a fact.

    The BA is an example of a woman in denial. The stereotype she calls "bullsh*t" has a lot of truth in it. Of course women are the gatekeepers of sex! Then she says "if you make a promise of monogamy to your partner, its your job to keep that promise." No mention, of course, of the fact that most men who have been married for more than a couple of years are very sexually unsatisfied. They don't need another woman - they need a wife who cares about their needs, but...

    The realization that he has committed the rest of his life to a woman who chooses to not even come close to satisfying his sexual needs is a pretty powerful thing for a man.

    The QA's question should be why more women don't look in the mirror when their man cheats. But unfortunately her head appears to be in the sand along with most other women.

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    • I think it should be noted that:

      1. People cheat for more reasons than just lack of sex. Yes, it's one reason, but it's not the only reason.

      2. There are also women who are unsatisfied with the amount of sex in their relationships (i.e. women with higher sex drives than their partners).

      3. When I said it was their job to keep their promise, I meant in the sense that the person they cheated with didn't make any promises, so they carry less blame. Of course I think that people should care about

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    • Selfishstars, I do see what you're saying when you write " People cheat for more reasons than just lack of sex. Yes, it's one reason, but it's not the only reason." but realistically, how often do you hear of a man cheating on his wife because they don't talk anymore? Women might cheat to get their emotional needs satisfied, but for men it's almost always sex. (Nearly typed "but for me" there...)

    • What Belgie said.

      I have no doubt there are a few marriages in which the wife is not getting enough sex to suit her after 3-4 years, but probably 90% of men are unsatisfied with the frequency of sex at that point in their marriage. That's pretty well proven and accepted fact. That's why MEN cheat.

  • As a guy, I can give my input as follows - many women in a relationship with a man, deliberately ignore his needs. They try to wean him off of sex, tamper down his desires, get him used to that one holiday blowjob a year. And at the back of all of this, is the attitude "Well you'd better get used to it, because I'm the only woman who would have you"

    When a new woman comes along and lets the man be himself, and is willing to f*** him as he likes it, as often as he likes it... then the original parter does see this as stealing. In the same way if I went to your house and used a trail of steak pieces to lure your dog out to my van, got him inside and drove away.

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  • In my experience when someone cheats, regardless of whether it's a man or woman who strayed, it seems it's always the man who gets blamed and called a pig. So I guess I can't relate to your question.

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What Girls Said 6

  • By making it the other woman's fault, some girls think they can alleviate the blame from the guy. I think it comes from insecurity, "We were happy, but she ruined it".

    I think it's sh*tty for a woman to knowingly hook up with a taken guy, but I still attribute the blame to him. At the end of the day, she probably didn't know me, while he is supposed to care about me and respect me.

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  • I agree with you. If my boyfriend ever cheated on me, I wouldn't be mad at the girl (assuming I don't know her), I would be mad at my boyfriend for betraying my trust.

    Basically, I agree with Selfishstars answer. Society thinks of men as horny dogs who would have sex with anything that remotely resembles a vagina, while girls should never throw themselves at men, otherwise they're perceived as trashy sluts. For a man it's normal to behave that way because "he's just being a guy", while women should be pure, virginal and abstain from sex.

    Personally, I don't think guys can be excused. They can easily control themselves. How much of a willpower does it take to just keep it in your pants?

    If people want to be in a monogamous relationship, both should put up an effort. The excuse "she seduced me" is not justifiable by me.

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  • because it less painful to blame someone else and refuse to hold your mate accountable.

    I myself am the type that hold the man responsible.

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  • Can't steal a man who doesn't want to be stolen

    The girl the guy cheats with, owes the relationship or girlfriend/wife nothing, assuming they aren't friends or family members.

    The guy however is in the relationship, made the commitment and has the responsibility and obligation of remaining faithful to his girlfriend or wife. He is 100% responsible for his actions. He is the one who broke the trust and loyalty; he is the one who broke the commitment or his vows.

    I also think that when you're in love, you want to believe your partner can do no wrong. So denial makes it easier to blame the other woman as opposed to the man in question.

    Now, if the girl he cheated with is a friend/family member, well, she DID owe you some level of respect and loyalty. But that's a different issue.

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    • Well said, especially paragraph 2 which is so important

  • It takes 2 hands to clap.i blame the guy and the 3rd party.

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    • It does take two to clap, but we also need to look at the short-term and long-term motivations for cheating

    • Cheating is cheating regardless long or short term

  • Both genders do this. And it's really about the fact that they are still in love with their husband or wife so they attack the person that stepped into their territory.

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