2 steps forward 4 steps back.

I'm nearly 4 months into a break up and I felt like I was doing really well. I've moved on as much as I can by reconnecting with old friends and family, started new hobbies like keeping fit and swimming etc even been on a date or two. About 2 weeks ago my ex started showing off her new boyfriend in front of me and my friends. Now I don't love her anymore and don't want her back because the relationship wasn't a good one and I'm happier without her but here's the thing. Since she started showing off her new fella she's started invading my thoughts again almost like what happens at the start of a break up. I'm trying so hard to distract myself (Xbox,kickboxing,gym) but its like she's haunting me! Any advice? Another thing that's affecting me is that nearly everyone I know that's been in a breakup have found another relationship within 3 or 4 months of being single. I'm adjusting to being happy alone but can't help but think I'm a loser because I've not got another girl while my ex is flaunting her new guy in front of everyone I know.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Welcome to the club. I actually broke up with my boyfriend 5 months ago because he was emotionally abusive and destroyed my self-esteem. I finalIly broke up with him and was relieved. I could now do whatever I wanted without his constant criticism. He said he was devastated. I was finding the break up hard and like you was getting on with life. 4 weeks later he got a new gitlfriend. I know ecactly what you're talking about its like somebody just rips the band aid off that wound and leaves it exposed again. I have felt all the things you have felt.

    You've got wondsr why the need to parade her boyfriend around so much in front of you? Is she really happy with him?

    I think we feel like this because we can't understand why we aren't getting any lovs but they are. It just feels unfair. You aren't a loser at all, rushing back into another relationship just tells md they are someone who cannot survive on their own. They constantly need to be withsomeone to reassure themselves they are a human being.

    All I can say is time is a healer and don't go by other peoples timimg in life. You will know when the time is right to start a new relationship that is good for you. After all you don't want to be going through another break up, so make sure she is right first. :)

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    • Hi thanks for your time and advice, sorry to hear about your relationship, I got that feeling off relief too! Your advice is spot on, while ill admit it does feel unfair that my cheating ex gets love while I'm alone I take heart from the fact I'm so much stronger than I was, and I've learned to love myself first before letting someone love me. I think my ex thinks she's winning some sort of break up competition but like you say its no race.

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What Girls Said 1

  • It's so much harder to be happy alone. I admire you for being able to do that. I'm sure you won't be single forever you just aren't desperate to go date anyone.

    Why do you see your ex so much? My ex and I live in the same city but we've never run into each other?

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    • Hi thanks for replying, unfortunately she goes out of her way to walk by my house. My friends don't help because they like the drama of telling me what she's doing and she feeds them by showing off in front of them.

    • Sounds like you need better friends. I'd keep ignoring her and start ignoring my friends if they don't understand that what they are doing is wrong.

    • So clearly your friends aren't your friends. And are doing this to make sure your hurt. I suggest cutting them off.

What Guys Said 1

  • Your not a loser. She's the loser.

    You think of her, cause your still hurt over what she has done. Can't you see by her actions that this guy is nothing, and she's just doing this stuff to get a reaction out of you?

    Cut your friends off. There not helping you heal, there just making it worse. That should show you, that these people aren't actually your friends, and probably "report" back to your ex on what your doing. Or if your sad and stuff.

    And your not a loser cause you don't have anyone yet. You are actually the bigger person taking his time to heal and figure out what he wants next that will last a life time, so you don't have to deal with this crap again.

    My advice to you, cut your loser friends off (cause there not your friends) And take your time to heal. Who cares what she's doing. You need to start telling yourself that your the catch. Because clearly she isn't.

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    • Thanks mate that's really good advice and I guess when you put it like the way you have I guess I'm not a loser it must be a bit of bruised ego on my part playing games with me.

    • Yes it is. She's a loser. Don't allow it to affect you. Trust me. And get rid of these supposed "friends" you have. If they were actually your friends, they wouldn't like what she's doing. Its not morally right of her. End of story.

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