Dating guys that aren't way older than you?

I am 20 years old (female) and haven't had a boyfriend in almost 2 years and at first it wasn't a big deal I would go out talk to guys talk to exes and just enjoy being single. But recently I have really been wanting a guy to be with but I just don't have anyone that I know that I like and likes me back as well, so I've been trying to meet new guys. I got this app where you can meet local guys and talk to them so I have been, and I realized a patern with them which is that guy over 20 usually have some form of a tie down and it is really hard for me to accept. I met 2 guys close to my age (21 and 22) both of which have kids and baby mommas who are still very involved and I met 2 older guys (27 and 28) who had literally been married for years and have kids as well but are divorced. These are just the guys I met but out of the guys I talked to most of them had similar stories or were under 18. I figured maybe this is just the app? But at my university people my age (generally) are already in LT relationships, getting engaged, some even have kids, or are married. At the very least most of my friends have boyfriends/girlfriends whom they consider "serious". I don't know whether to just accept that I am at an age where I'm not gonna find a guy who isn't divorced with kids or just leaving an 8year relationship so still loves his ex etc. or keep trying to find a guy who's in my same boat. I'm not perfect either but I don't have kids or exes that I'm still involved with. That's the least I ask for...a fresh start for me and my future guy. Is that too much to ask for?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You have legitimate deal breakers. That's what it is. Single parents have it very rough in the dating field and legitimately so. I have talked to a crapload of single moms and their situations make me run for the hills. Most of them still keep in touch with their exes and fight all the time. That's the most common situation and I'd have to sit and listen to their custody battles and how far they were going to mess the other one up in court. Plus single parents have a ridiculously hard time living on their own. They're either really poor or like most people, stuck living with their parents. Don't even get me started on the alcoholic single parents.

    Divorced is another tricky one. Sometimes it's smooth, other times you could be meeting someone who is stuck in the paperwork phase and is fighting over possessions, who has the kids, and so on.

    Basically you're stuck in the same boat a lot of people are in. People who have pasts with irreplaceable scars or they're still hung up on a past loved one.

    Sad news is, it gets more common as you get older.

    Good news is, all you gotta do is meet one good guy and you don't have to meet the ridiculous amount of trash out there.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I don't know where you're located, but at y0ur age, there should be plenty of people who are uncommitted and don't have past relationship complications (kids, divorces, etc.)

    You may have to go looking for them..hang out where they hang out. Maybe coffee shops, bookstores, places where people who are unattached are likely to spend some of their time, to allay feelngs of loneliness.

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  • Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, be glad it has happened to you, unfortunately it hasn't happened to me yet and I hate it

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  • I know what you mean! I'm just finishing Uni, and it seems all the cute girls I meet are either in relationships, still mourning for their ex, or have other baggage.

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What Girls Said 1

  • "I don't know whether to just accept that I am at an age where I'm not gonna find a guy who isn't divorced with kids or just leaving an 8year relationship so still loves his ex etc."

    I think you're exagerrating or just not looking at the right place for guys. Of course, if you "shop" for guys online, you're more likely to find guys that are difficult to match (e.g. guys with baggage, baby mommas, kids, etc.). Guys your age with the same background as yours, IMO, are more likely to be found in real life than online. I'll never believe that there aren't single guys your age that'd be compatible with you in your surroundings. I'm 21 and single and I've dated 3 guys since my breakup from a few months ago. It's not a piece of cake to find a single guy that you're interested in and that is looking for a serious relationship, at your age. It's true. Cause most guys that age are either a) Taken b) Single because they don't want anything serious c) Single because they aren't attractive or because they are the worst wussies with the ladies (aka true beta males incapable of dating). Even I lost a bit of hope after dating a few guys that saw me as a piece of meat. I let go of them and stopped ''believing'' for a bit, and then I met someone else whom I'm getting along with great. I've always thought that one meets a special someone when one stops expecting it. It's proved to be true twice for me. I'm likely to date this guy very soon, he's 22, he's been in a 4 year long relationship before, he's no player and he doesn't have a child, obviously.

    So I'd say ditch the online dating and go out with friends more. I've had the best luck on parties with common friends. Common friends bring more friends, which makes it easy to talk to lots of new people. Plus, they're people your friends appreciate, so they're likely to be people you'd like too, IMO. Good luck and don't lose hope!

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