Today, I got in a huge fight with my boyfriend, about something we have fought about many times. I don't feel like he makes time for me.
We have been together for over a year, we are long distance and live an hour and a half away from each other, and he works full time, plays a professional sport (that he doesn't get paid for) that practices every weekend during the season and practices another hour and a half further from me.
I had been looking forward to the winter because it's the off season and now we could do things on the weekend together. Until yesterday... his team, which is basically all of his best friends, decided that they also want to do a winter league that's going to require one full weekend a month until the regular season starts... and on top of that he decided to play an intramural sport that plays for a couple hours every weekend during the winter.
So, today like most days in our relationship, I drove the hour and a half gladly yesterday to visit him since he asked me too because he was going to be alone, and then we get into a fight about the winter league, which doesn't get resolved, and he falls asleep early with me left watching a movie by myself.
I am woken up early this morning by him telling me he is going to play the intramural sport and will be back soon. 4 hours later, I was furious. Like most weekends, I am left sitting at his house by myself waiting for him to get back home while he goes and does whatever he wants to do. And the cherry on the cupcake was when I asked him why he was gone so long he says "We all decided to sit around after we played and talk for a while". I couldn't believe it, he left me sitting at his house by myself for hours so that he could talk to people that he sees all the time after playing a sport with them all morning.
And so starts the fight we have had so many times, that I don't feel like he takes me into consideration, and doesn't care about me. I bring up the fact that whenever he drives down to visit me, I don't leave him to go do whatever I want because I know that is rude, and when we are visiting each other we are supposed to be spending time together.
So basically my question is, is it selfish for me to ask him why we can't do something active together rather him going and doing all these things he wants to do, leaving me as a spectator? Not to mention he considers that me doing something with him. Pfft.
What can I do about this situation? Is it even worth resolving at this point? I can't shake the feeling that there is no room for me in his life.
- He needs to make more time for youVote A
- You need to accept that he's going to do whatever he wants to doVote B
- You should do something togetherVote C
- There is nothing you can doVote D
Most Helpful Guy
B. You need to accept that he's going to do whatever he wants to do
That answer isn't a judgement about what he should or shouldn't do. It's simply the way he is, and he's very unlikely to change in the near future. It sounds like what the two of you want from a relationship isn't the same. He obviously has his own life and is happy with it. To make a relationship work a person shouldn't have to throw away their entire lifestyle. Small changes, yea. But not a complete change of who they are.
He sounds very independent. You seem to want more from him than he's willing or able to give. Again, that's not a judgement about either one of you. It's just a matter of compatibility.
However...what you said about it being rude. If he asked you to visit him and then left you alone, that is extremely rude. That's rude no matter who you are or what your relationship is. I don't think you can expect more time than what he's willing to give. BUT, if he invites you there and you drive 1.5 hours to get there you should expect some time from him. His excuses aren't good enough to justify leaving you alone.2