How to deal with cheating girlfriend?

We've been together for almost 3 years, she's still in college, I've finished mine.

This is the second time she has been cheating(*) on me.

The first time 2 years ago, I found out from a friend, and now, the second time, she told me about the cheating one day later.

By cheating, I mean ( from what she told me ) being in a relationship for a few days with a guy ( for the first time ) and ... spending a night at the club and kissing another guy ( for the second cheating ) [ she told me that nothing "bigger" than kissing happened, so let's assume that's true ]

The problem is that this guy is one of her college mates so 1) they will inevitably interact , and 2) I can't control her or I can't know that probably she will never meet him again etc

The bigger problem is that she told me that she has been talking with this guy for a while and started to like him and she even doesn't know if she still wants to be with me or wants to be with him...

My dilemmas:

1. Should I break up or forgive her ? ( I have mixed feeling about both of the options )

1a. If I forgive her : how can I get past her... repeated mistake ? Right at this moment, I don't know HOW will I be able to forget ( forget, not forgive ) her mistake. Whenever she will go to a club or anything else, my thoughts will go crazy and stuff...

2. Considering this guy already tried convincing her into being with him, even in the past ( we were already together ) and considering HE KNOWS about our relationship, should I talk to him or anything ? If yes, what ?
Update :

first of all : thank you for your answers

second : she didn't mention or blamed the use of alcohol / drugs or problems in our relationship in order to make her mistake look more "forgivable" so... that's a + for her I guess.


Most Helpful Girl

  • This is the second time she cheated. I doubt its going to end. Sounds like she isn't a monogamous person.

    If you want to stay in the relationship, consider if you'd be willing to have an open relationship.

    Is it really worth going through this habitually especially if you get married? You're pretty much setting the ground rules that if she cheats, you aren't going any where.

    You should do what is BEST for YOU and what you WANT TO DO. If you aren't ready to break up now, give yourself the time and space that you need.

    But please be honest with yourself. Being single isn't a bad thing.

    • you have a point and I like the fact that you mentioned both the options... I'll have to think

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What Girls Said 4

  • Your 1a question is exactly why I would never forgive or get back with a cheater - I could never trust him again, and to me there's no point in being in a relationship with someone you can't trust. There's no need to talk to this guy, he might have pursued her but in the end it was her decision. I don't it's worth staying with her, or trying to get past this as you said "repeated mistake" (btw it's not a repeated mistake, it's plain cheating and disrespect of a partner). Plus, if she's not even sure she wants to stay with you, you definitely shouldn't fight for her, she's the one that cheated, so if she wants to save your relationship she should be grovelling and begging for forgiveness, but honestly it seems like she's not even that sorry.

    • i understand... that would be my first reaction too, then... I'm not sure if I want to let her go. but maybe I'm just stupid

  • Break up with her. I wouldn't even tell her that we were broken up. I'd as a close female friend to answer the phone when she calls and have her say, "so and so is done with your dumb behind" then hang up. :0

    • you have a point but I guess that would be a little to mean, if I will break up with her I want it to still be a gentleman

    • She's not worth it, but okay ^^

  • I would break off with the cheater. I don't tolerate infidelity

    • i understand your point of view and will take it into consideration

  • well there's no other thing you can do other than break up with him.


What Guys Said 1

  • She needs to realize that she can't go out getting drunk and partying with guys without you and expect nothing will happen.

    If she can recognize that you're probably fine. If not, she's going to have bigger problems.

    • thank you for your answer, well... don't know how this recognizing really works... is the second time...

    • She doesn't seem, from what you say, to understand why it happened. So I'm not sure how it would be avoided.

      'Blaming the alcohol' is actually sometimes partly correct, if it means recognizing 'I do things when I'm drunk I wouldn't otherwise and if I want to do those things I need to be aware of who I'm drunk around'

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