Should I let my ex go or can I get him back?

My ex boyfriend of one year broke up with me. Here is the story.

So I got a partybus back in Jan for his 25th birthday, He basically cheated on me that night, he kissed one of our mutual friends girlfriends on the neck twice right in front of me. I ended up not talking to him for 2 weeks, then I forgave him.

We had a great relationship, his family loves me and everything was perfect but we started fighting around the 10 1/2 month mark over nothing big at all and then he wanted a break so we took a 2 week break. We barely talked. I called him the first week and he answered and we had a long conversation and I freaked out on him about what was going on with him and why he was so distant and he couldn't tell me a reason. then I wrote him a heartfelt letter and the next day, put it on his car and he came over the day after and said "I don't know what to tell you, I don't want a relationship, and I don't think I make you happy as you could be"

Its been 4 months, I have made every mistake in the book, I asked him for and ostring attached sex (got denied) and I even asked him to a movie once and he was excited and said yes and then ignored me the day we were supposed to go, every time I am over at our mutual friends house, he talks to me for a minute but then goes inside and plays video games. I saw him at a Halloween party and I was dressed up as catwomen, looking really sexy and he didn't really say a word to me, but he hugged me when he said bye to everyone else.

I Haven't seen him since. This was a month ago. I can't stop thinking about him, I want to talk to him but I figure I should let him come to me since I have made a lot of mistakes with trying to talk to him. I feel like its one of those relationships where you just know when its right, and its right...

How do I get him back? I'm so confused! I have tried everything, including not talking to him and disappearing.

I think I might of given off the wrong impression. He was very drunk, it doesn't excuse his behavior but the way he acted, he had no idea that he even did something like that. He knew he messed up and that's why I forgave him. I was really stupid and when we fought, I mentioned it a couple times and he said he didn't like that.

When the whole neck kissing was going on, the girl just let it happen (which I am not mad at, she can't control what others do) and the guy and him are still best friends
When he kissed her, I did not do anything until the next day after we had recovered. I really wanted him to enjoy his birthday. We are a very tight knit group of friends. The reason he asked for 2 weeks of a break is because things were getting stressful, I was expecting a lot from him that he was not ready for plus I am sure I didn't support him like I should have and let my jealousy with him and that girl get to me. My fault.

I am giving it 3 months, no contact trying to move on with my life


Most Helpful Guy

  • my question would be inthe10 1/2 months you were together had anything like this come up before such as doing such things as kissing other girl on the neck that were girlfriends of other guys.

    if not then he has some thoughts going on in his mind ...his statement that quote:" I don't think I make you happy as you could be" seems to me to mean he has doubts about his ability to make you happy as he believes you should be... he could be insecure and maybe he fiqured if he sabotaged the relationship you could do better than him... I know kissing several girls on the back of the neck isn't proper but look at it this way it wasn't nothing that might be considered a real deal killer (like sleeping with them which I'm going to assume their boyfriends would definitely had something to say about... speaking of boyfriends where were they while this kissing on the neck thing was going on and if they were what were their reactions if any. sounds like these girls were in on a set up maybe even the guys... who knows he may have had these mutual friends talked into helping him do this to test you to see how you would respond...

    stop and think about it ...lets say yourt at a party with mutual friends and one of the guys that you know is dating and the host of the party comes over and kisses you on the back of the neck ...WHAT WOULD YOUR 1ST REACTIONS BE... stop and think did you see anything you might have done happen with these girls or did they blow it off as just being acting silly and cute type thing... again what did the girls boyfriends do ... if I were you I'd be talking to my mutual friend and ask them what they thought was going on at the party .

    one other thought he may had been testing you by his actions to see how you'd respond if you stop and think about it it was pretty mild thing in comparision as to what he could have done..

    maybe he thought the 2 weeks of no communication with him was too sever and this could be why he nows believes he might not be able to make you as happy as you deserve to be.

    he could really feel he isn't ready for a relationship right now ..however I somehow get the feeling you are aware of what's happening in his life .. if he isn't dating anyone else he could be just trying to clear his mind and how he feels about you... you admit to making some mistakes

    I'm assuming by that your trying to contact him ... go strictly no contact if contact is made let him do it.. 30 days is minium some say as long as 90 days if after 90 days no contact then move on with your life... as the old saying goes their lose ... the no contact rule isn't always a 100% on getting the other person back but it works more than it fails ... hope this helped you...


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What Guys Said 3

  • Stories such as this are why a lot of the guys of here cry so much about women wanting to date a**holes. He cheated on you and to make it even worse during an event for which you paid. And you have allowed him to manipulate you into believing that you somehow did something wrong. Have some pride woman. Surely, you can do a hell of a lot better than this.

    • No, we aren't the mistaken ones; You are. We aren't the one with the wrong impression of him; You do.If he did this in front of you, imagine what he does behind your back. And you had every right to be jealous; he cheated on you. Now, you lost a lot of his respect by taking him back and your actions afterward (acting desperate, even to the point of offering no strings attached sex to a man that cheated on you) has surely depleted and respect for you that he has left. Move on. This is just sad.

    • Show All
    • however, moving on is what I have been doing anyways. I am respecting myself and the person I am and I know there will be someone out there who will love me each and everyday and not just sometimes.

    • You're right. I shouldn't have used such vivid language. I apologize for that. However, he cheated on you to your face, which was extremely disrespectful. He then manipulated you and turned everything around on you after he screwed up, so he's probably not much of a person. And you don't KNOW that he has cheated on you before or after; that's naive. He can say anything, and he's proven that he's capable of it. I understand if you're attached, but you'd really be better off to forget him.

  • Do not talk to him. You do not get him back. He isn't interested in you. It stings and sucks, but it's reality. Work on improving yourself and do things that make you happy that aren't related to him.

  • I think you could get him back. But I don't think you should try...Well anymore than you already have. You said he doesn't want a relationship and while that might not be the truth any man who says that he can make you happy enough isn't lying. If you also offered sex and he said no then he really doesn't want you. To move on is my answer there's a lot of nice guys out there. You just have to look in the right places. :)


What Girls Said 2

  • I don't think you can get him back. He literally told you that he doesn't want a relationship, I don't know how much more straightforward he could have been. Like you said, you've made every mistake in the book, you're trying too hard, and you get absolutely no feedback from him. If he was at least a bit confused or unsure, you'd probably get mixed signals or something, but he's completely aloof, makes no effort to talk to you or contact you. You should move on and stop wasting your time on him.

  • well I think he doesn't need to feed his ego more from your attention. don't talk to him. he isn't worth it.


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