Should I be worried? Or what?

I had this friend who I allowed to talk to my girlfriend thinking I could trust him. I thought I could trust him. When me and my girl were going through a break period he and my girl got together. I felt dumb for trusting him. I took my girl back after everything that's happened. Took a while to start trusting her. She says she regretted what she did and tells me it won't happen again. My ex friend is coming back from bootcamp.

I realized I can't be his friend anymore. I just can't and I don't care what you guys say. I allowed my girl to talk to him and write to him. But now that his coming back I don't want them spending anytime alone. None alone together sh*t anymore.

I'm at that point if she does hang with him alone I might simply walk away with no explanation. She wrote on her Facebook that she can't wait to give her "best friend" and bare hug. My mind right now is like, "are they giving this hug alone," "where is it taking place at," "no, I'm. Not comfortable with him giving her anything physical like a hug like that..."

She tells me I have nothing to worry about that I'm the only one she loves. I know she won't do me wrong so I don't want to hear she's going to cheat or something.

I just need somebody to tell me if I'm being to controlling over something like this?

P.s we are in a untiled relationship with each other. Totally happy, but were not perfect...

Updates:
Would it be to controlling to tell her to stop posting anything about him on her Facebook wall?
He also has a pic of her as his Facebook pic...is that normal? I mean I know he can't change it because his at camp, but it's another thing I'm worried about...

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ok that's bullshit! If it was the other way around I bet your girlfriend wouldn't let you hang out with your ex friend. She shiuldnt hang out with him. He backstabbed you and so did she but you were on a break. Bur your ex friend knew not to go there but he did anyways. You should tell her you don't want her hanging out with him for these reason not because you dint trust her but because you don't trust him. Let her see if from your view. Because if she was in your situation I doubt she would let you hang out with that girl. Its weird that she's so excited to see him when the only became friends because of you. I'm not saying I think she will cheat on you, just something is off here and I think you can tell it too. Keep your backstabbing tool bag ex friend away from your girl.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • Oh I know she won't go with him. But I can't alone him to ever have an oppotunity to be alone with her. I'm not possessive I'm really not...I love her. She can hang with whoever. But alone with someone she did those things with...no am mount a trust can make me feel right about this.

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    • Like I don't,like to be told what to do or I don't like being controlled. And I don't believe in controlling your bf/gf. It would be different if she f***ed him when you guys weren't friends. But he betrayed you and she should be so close to someone you don't like. You have a reason its not just because she talks to him. I wouldn't want my boyfriend to talk to the girl if I was in your shoes and I wouldn't talk to that guy if I was in hers. Its not about controlling,its about respect.

    • Omg stop asking questions I think you know the answer. Follow my advice lol. Its not controlling your in a perfectly good position to do so

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What Girls Said 5

  • I think that you're being very controlling and it sounds like you've got it bad for this girl. However, once she gets with another guy and he makes her feel special, your turn is over and she's moved on. That is no longer "your girl". I know that it is going to be hard to do, but you've got to let her go because if she cheated once, there's nothing to stop her from cheating again. You took her back with all things considered and now she knows that she can get away with it. As for your friend, I can understand being upset with him, but I wouldn't give him too much grief about it. If the roles were reversed, could you honestly say that you wouldn't have done the same thing? If I were you, I would step back and let them be together. If she cheated on you, chances are that she will cheat on him too, then he will know what it felt like when it happened to you. And it's not just your friend's fault, so how come you can forgive your girl, but condem your friend? I hope this helps and makes sense. GOOD LUCK ^_^

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    • I used to think I was controlling long ago. I never was a controlling type. So, I told a lot of people and majority understood my logic. In relationships it takes two and I made small demands. I didn't feel comfortable them hanging out together. She didn't cheat for your info (we took a break that led to a break up).

      I feel more betrayed by him. I confided in him about our relationship.

      I wouldn't. I don't do anything unless my homeboy says it's cool with him. Friendship comes first

  • You just said allowed your friends to talked to her and you allowed her to talk to him. If your allowing someone to do anything it's controlling unless it's like your personal property but not people. She'll leave if she's smart she has to have permission to see someone especially someone who's her "best friend". You got hurt I get that but you were broken up from what you said and do you really know what went on between them?

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    • It was during the begining when we started talking. She brought up that he was talking to her and if it would be alright with me if they became friends. I saw no harm in it and said of course.

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    • It's not trust.

      It's more like I don't want them thinking just because they did what they did that I'd ever be cool with them ever hanging out alone together. He knew how I felt about her when I was on break and to go and to go and do what he did...no it's not happening.

    • That's exactly what trust is

  • dont tell someone what to do, when you show somebody where you weak points are they use it against you..

    simply act like it doesn't bother you..

    you can always retaliate by posting pics of you and other girls hanging out together...

    or you can take the high road and delete your FB temporarily...

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    • Yea, but I'm not that typed of dude. Plus, I'm hardheaded and I think the minute are start holding stuff in the less conversations I will be able to go at. I rather she know than make them...

    • some things are better left unsaid...

      you sound more mature than her...i would back away from that type of anxiety in my life.

  • id be weary of this situation...

    i don't blame you if you just walk away...

    i don't care what anybody thinks...men and women can't be friends without a physical attraction there

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  • Im not worrying so much about your girlfriend rekindling her romance with your friend or vice versa. What I find worrying is your complete lack of backbone and self-respect. First of all what kind of girlfriend cheats on her boyfriend with one of his friends. A complete ho, and one who doesn't have the slightest love or respect for her boyfriend.

    Secondly, there is nothing wrong with your attitude. It is not controlling, it is completely normal and you have to ask yourself what is more painful for you. Being with someone who cheats on you is completely emotionally abusive cause she has no problems meeting your "exfriend" again despite what happened, or dumping her sorry ass and heal emotionally so that you have a chance to date someone you can trully love and trust.

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    • We weren't together when she did it.

      Everything else is great. Everyone saying I'm being to controlling with her hanging out with a guy she did things with ALONE.

      It kinds of scares me people think they can really be comfortable with that and think its okay. It's like your asking for something to go wrong.

    • OK... didnte get the break up part. Still, it is normal to feel the way you feel and if I were you, I'd tell her that you are not ready for her to meet your ex friend. I still think it was wrong of her and of him to do what they did... even if you had broken up. It just shows you how loyal she is even if she has broken up.

What Guys Said 5

  • There was a situation like this on the radio the other day. A guy had a best friend that he let spend the night at his house and when he left to get something or I think he went to work. His friend that he let spend the night over banged his wife and utmost disrespected him and his home. Apparently his wife came down in her underwear and under-aware that a predator was in her house, she said she never felt so young and the guy made her feel young again so that was here reason for letting homie steel her draws. I tell you this story to say this - sh*t gets out of hand if you let it! If you know ya boy from boot camp and ya girl have a magnet-like attraction don't let her be around each other. Tell your homie to step off and respect what's yours. Like they say keep, your enemies close but your friends closer. Could he be tolerating your friendship to get close to your girl? Is he your friend since he got with your girl? Can your girl be trusted? Something like this is enough to make anyone insecure- proceed with caution! Wolves will be wolves and sheep will be sheep.

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    • I don't think he'll even step off. He swears that what happened was a mistake. They both say their best friends, but in my mind. His a potential threat. I don't believe in being best friends with the opposite sex. Always possibilities. I'm not obsessive I just don't feel right about them hanging out together. I'm tired of playing the fool.

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    • Ok so yeah, first warn him and like you said if he don't step off then you guys are going to fight- violence is not the answer however at times violence must be used to make peace. Also by standing up for your girl she might appreciate that a lot by seeing her man standing up and defending her. Some women like to play devils advocate to get that emotion out of they man - in a wired way that sh*t turns them on - its a girl thing.

    • We suffer for their amusement

  • In response to your update, even if she doesn't post anything about him on Facebook, it won't change the fact that she might still like him.

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    • well I know for a fact she doesn't like him that way. She be posting how much she misses him and what not.

    • I guess tell her nicely that you would prefer if she didn't talk so much about him

  • Not much of a friend. Pardon the expression, but it's Bros before Hoes! You don't do that.

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    • The funny thing was when I confronted him on it. He told me "I didn't think we were that close of friends."

      In my head I was like, "Yea, we were if your were hanging out with my girl."

    • Yeah no matter what ends up happening with her you need to be done with him. If he is hanging around her after you tell him to go pound sand you will know something else is going on!

    • Already am and if he can't respect that and she thinks being around him alone is cool and nothing will happen. I'm simply going to cut them both completely out my life. I'm not cool with them being alone. Maybe them in a group, but alone...no. Trust has nothing to do with this.

  • Okay, I was writing a long answer to this but then my browser completely erased it so I'll make it quick this time.

    I'm sure 80% of the population cheat. It's high, yes, but nobody was born knowing cheating is wrong and hurtful.

    Sorry if I had to cut it short this time, my other explanation was better.

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    • Well in some ways it felt like she cheated. I mean we weren't together, but I've been cheated on before and I've come to realize that its truly painful.

      I think this hurts a lot because he was a friend...and what he did was inexcusable...

  • You're totally being played. If you're lucky, your ex-friend is in the military and will stationed in Afghanistan and be killed shortly after that.

    Just give it a matter of time before this happen again.

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