Why do guys use "clingy", "demanding" or "my crazy ex gf" to avoid accountability?

NOTE/DISCLAIMER: I am NOT saying that ALL guys do this. There are women who truly are clingy and a crazy ex girlfriend and I feel sorry for all the men who had to deal with that shit. Also, given that I am a heterosexual woman, it's framed in a particular way. Anyone can be clingy, so switch the genders how you see fit.

What I'm talking about is when a guy calls you "clingy" just for wanting to talk and connect with him, or you are the "crazy ex gf" because he doesn't want to admit that he was all/partially to blame. This shit needs to stop.

To the guys: Did you ever think that maybe the reason your girl seems clingy is because she's frustrated and feels unappreciated since she's the one who has to constantly try to get you to communicate/get together with her? Did you ever think that maybe if you communicated with her more (especially on a deeper level) that the "clingy" behavior would lessen because she'd feel like you were initiating/connecting with her/appreciating her more?

I mean clingy behavior (again see disclaimer for differences) tends to come from the feeling that the other person isn't appreciating/reaching out to them enough. While it's important for a girl to control her feelings, that doesn't mean that they can't be a sign that the man has to step up his game more.

As someone who is a constant initiator, I know that I can feel that way. I wish guys would realize that instead of just dismissing a girl as "clingy" just so they don't have to try to understand her or put in any effort into working on themselves. Food for Thought.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well said! There are also lots of websites with advice for girls, don't be needy, don't be clingy, etc., well NO it's not all on HER alone. HER happiness matters too, and so I would encourage anyone to cut this mode of labeling and thinking ASAP - men and women must communicate and speak up to have their needs met.

    And if you try and if you boyfriend or girlfriend comes back at you calling you needy or clingy, it's not YOU with the problem, maybe it's them? Maybe they're cold and insensitive? Maybe they don't know how to love.

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    • Preach! Preach! :)

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    • EXACTLY! Relationships are not like Burger King and men need to realize that cannot have it all their way. If they don't like being in the dark, if they like having some control, why the hell do they think we don't want those same things too? Relationships should not be a power play of who cares the least, but an expression of caring and loving someone the most.

    • VERY well said! But it seems that many guys, not all, insert the power play aspect into relationships. It's uncalled for 100% but once they bring it, it's there! So I never asked for it, but once I see it or sense it, it can't be ignored. It's very damaging, and I think also fatal to a relationship. That game can go in business or their friendships with men (competitive) but it does not belong in a romantic relationship.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I've had clingy girlfriends. So I can explain clingy vs. just wanting to work things out.

    For me one of my exes was being clingy before we tried dating officially. She spammed my phone for 3 hours, literally because I would not talk to her. Her parents were forbidding her from seeing me. That's pretty crazy.

    My last girlfriend was being clingy when she demanded I see her 2 days in a row and I even agreed to see her for the second day but she wanted me to sleep over and I felt that was too much. We already were talking every day and we were hanging out a lot the night before.

    Nowadays though. I feel the "fear of being clingy" has been taken too far. When I try to talk to potential dates, I'm always the initiator. It can take a girl literally days to text me if I don't text her. I don't tolerate being the only initiator. I've dropped tons of girls because they never initiate calls/texts. It just tells me that this is what it will be like in a relationship. I don't have time for girls who don't put any effort into talking to me.

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    • I know how you feel with men and I respect the fact that you are willing to see the difference between the two. I'm always the initiator because I'm a take-charge woman (not controlling, but I am driven). But thank you for giving me a little bit of hope in men. :)

  • "This shit needs to stop. " This is adorable.

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    • I hope that's not a mocking adorable lol.

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    • So how much experience does one need to come to your conclusions?

    • Lol no clue. Everyone is different.

What Girls Said 1

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