Do you think it is unhealthy for a couple not to quarrel at all?

I'm asking because I have seen very loving couples in my life suddenly divorced.It's so shocking,especially for their neighbours,because they have literally never heard them quarrel.The only time when they quarrelled was because one of them cheated and the quarrel was a damn horrible one as they were getting ready for the divorce.Where do you think had gone wrong?Thanks very much for sharing.


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  • I think it's unhealthy. Usually means one, or both of the couple are trying to appease each other. That only leads to an explosion of resentment. Or...or they're SO perfectly in sync they're almost identical twins, mentally. It's the ferocity of the fight that's an issue. Every argument shouldn't be what I imagine a stereotypical Italian couple fight should be. I dated a girl for almost 5 years, loved her. We never fought, ever. We agreed on everything or so I thought. The last, only thing we dis agreed on was her banging every dude she met lol. It's usually not a good sign.

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What Guys Said 5

  • I can tell from my experience from marriage counselling at several congregations in several countries.

    In short: Quarrelling can be good or bad, no quarreling is never good.

    A fight every then in a while is very important. Also my wife and me have minor ones at least two to three times a week. Minor means here, a small issue which takes 10mins to be resolved. But also big ones like once a month (which can take several hours).

    It is very important to express anger and frustration otherwise both are growing to an extend where formerly loving people turn to hate each other - because people just have that stupid tendency to blame the other one for faults they have never told each other...

    It is also important for the partner to know what issues are important to each other. In a quarrel we can find out that something we deemed unimportant is actually a big deal to the other one.

    Living together is constantly getting to know each other. We never know everything about another person, no matter how close we are to them.

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  • I think so which is one of the reason I don't go for the whole relationship thing. There is no way two people can agree on everything so naturally there will be disputes. When people bother me I usually always keep it to myself and never say anything which will drive me crazy over time but I'm totally non-confrontational. I don't think that's conducive to a relationship. People have to voice what they want or when things bother them.

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  • A lot of people live fake lives. Evenly the tipping point is reached. I think it's normal for people to argue sometimes, to get annoyed with one another and need some space and alone time sometimes. I don't think it's healthy to have huge heated quarrels though.

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  • I've lived with couples who argue so often it's turned me away from finding a woman.

    I don't like fights so I try my best to express how I feel before I get upset about something. I find people hold too much in and that's why arguments and fights happen.

    I would much rather have more minor disagreements than arguments and fights.

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  • I don't argue, I resolve, when a problem comes up at work you don't argue over it, you come together as a team and solve it the best way you can. I don't see "arguing" as healthy conflict, because as long as the differing of opinions is handled there's no reason to say it must be done a certain way.

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What Girls Said 6

  • It depends on how you define "arguing". I know a few couples that, whenever a conflict arises, they just sit down with each other and talk it through. They never raise their voices, never cry, never say mean stuff. I guess that could almost qualify as arguing since they're going through a conflict. They're just mature and calm about it. And I think that's why many people don't think it's an argument, because they don't yell at each other or say stupid things. But to be honest, I think that's a lot better than "real" arguments or fights.

    However, there are also couples who don't argue because they don't want to, like they avoid it and hide from it at all costs. I think that's unhealthy. You should always communicate with your partner when you think something is problematic, or when something's bothering you. Running away from it will only make it worse once it finally blows up.

    So, my answer is both yes and no. I think it's unhealthy for couples to quarrel all the time, and to fight and yell at each other. It's also unhealthy to never address any problems that arise. So, in my opinion, when it comes to casual arguing, I don't see why it would be necessary to raise your voice and be immature about it when you could easily just sit down and calmly come to a solution/compromise.

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  • I hate fighting and try to avoid it at all costs, but yes, I think it's unhealthy for a couple never to argue. I think sometimes you have to work through hard things, and arguing is part of how that happens.

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  • I find this question so odd.

    I dated my best friend in college for about a year and we never fought or argued.. and his friends would frequently tell him that they thought that was strange. I couldn't even believe it. People thought our relationship was WEIRD because we never argued? There was literally nothing to ever argue about. We were always very honest with each other and any issues that ever came up were usually resolved fairly quickly.

    I dunno, if a couple has nothing to argue about, good for them I say. The less drama the better.

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  • hmmm it definitely could be.

    If you never fight or have disagreements, chances are that means the couple is letting issues boil beneath the surface rather than addressing them. Respectful quarrels where boundaries are not crossed are very healthy : ) As long as no one is burning any bridges or saying nasty things, the kinds of things you never forget even as time goes on and the words fade away, you still remember the blow to your self-esteem.

    Anyhow, as for that particular couple, I really can't say because I don't know their personalities and the way they operate in a relationship.

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  • Healthy conflict is necessary for relationship to grow.

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  • People live fake lives. You never know what happens behind close doors

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