I'm having a strange reaction to a break up which I recently initiated, & wondered if anybody can relate or offer insight.
I was with a guy for about 9 months. I know this is terrible of me, but I felt like I couldn't get my feelings 'off the ground' so to speak. We seemed to get along really well as friends, but the sex was poor, I didn't feel much physical attraction for him. I had been alone for a very long time when I met him and thought I'd 'give it a shot' to see where it went. There was no chemistry.
We recently went away on a holiday and although I felt I did my best to keep the situation calm, there was an incident where he became quite verbally abusive. I ended it because I felt signs that he may be an abuser.
I went no contact although he texted me trying to get me to go to his party, etc.
For some reason I have missed him terribly and felt an overwhelming need to get back with him. I realize that I must have a problem and have booked therapy.
After 3 weeks NC we spoke and he said that he got over the break up after a week. He said he felt bad for his part in the argument and offered to help me purchase a computer tomorrow to make up for it. We were supposed to go today, but he dicked me around with texts saying 'in a couple of hours' and did that all day until the shops were shut. When he finally called, I said that the shops were shut and asked what was going on. He replied sternly that he thought I sounded 'weird' and that it was simply to help me buy a computer and nothing more to it than that.
I realize no contact is highly recommended after a break up but I actually wonder whether it will help me to go tomorrow, see him and remember that I don't really want him. Presently, I feel pathetic, because I feel a desperate urge to get back with him, and am very hurt by his apparent dismissal of all feelings for me...although he mentioned when we first spoke again that he felt a 'pull' toward me, yet believes we're incompatible.
Why on earth would a guy want to see such a recent ex when he claims he has no intention of getting back together? He's not acting very friendly about the whole thing.
I am expecting a few of you to call me names, but I don't really blame you. I feel like I'm a fruitcake! :D
Most Helpful Guy
Your language progression is interesting. There's something else that's missing to the puzzle that you're not telling us, something from before this little skirmish of a relationship, and no one can answer you until you tell us what it is.
The shift from you to him as focal point, and from you to him as perpetrator, suggests that there was more "chemistry" than you thought. Your conscious emotional stagnation and lack of attraction fundamentally have given way to a subconscious state of partnership, but again why lies beyond this perhaps by years even.
Also why therapy? I mean you are helping the economy but all they will do is dive further back to find the real problem or gather as much info that they can, all the info you're not telling, because despite the change in focus you've given three indications that suggest some form of fear, some form of loneliness, and some form of loss.
Ah well, I'm just a kid on the internet. I know nothing.
Let the others tell you he's a stupidface.0
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