Was my gut feeling/instincts right?

I was dating a guy for about 4 months. Things started off a little shady such as my messages suddenly getting deleted one night but it was not just mine, it was all his messages. Then him claiming he was with his son but I saw on social media that in fact his baby mama had him the day we were supposed to meet up.

Since I had seen his FB, I knew who his ex-girlfriend (not same as baby mama) was. He first told me they broke up 6-9 months prior to meeting me. But I found out he was actually still with her a month before he met me. I didn't know how to confront him about that since he already felt a certain way about me seeing his FB. So I ignored it, plus she had a boyfriend at the time. A couple of months later, I noticed she was single again. I disregarded the possibility of her contacting my boyfriend again since I felt we were on good terms. Well later on in the month, I started getting strong negative gut feelings/instincts. My boyfriend would cancel our days and claimed he had things to do with his son. I had already met his son before and he said it was great because now we can do things all together in case he has him and its my only free day to see him. Well, that suddenly became an issue and he would cancel with me. I understand his son comes first, of course, but he contradicted himself based on what he said previously. His texts became less and less, and very vague. Yes he would still text me every morning as soon as he woke up... but our communication through out the day became less and he would suddenly text me "What's up" as opposed to "Hi my love", "Hi baby". I would call him since I hated just txting & suddenly started saying "You know I don't talk on the phone much". I continued to have strong negative feelings like something was off or something was going on.

One day while at home doing research for school. Something suddenly told me to check his FB again and see his friends. So I did and to my surprise, he was friends with his ex again. We were already txting so I randomly asked him what he would do if his ex came into his life. He said he would not talk to her and she had a boyfriend. He thought my question was random of course. So I said I know it was a long relationship and maybe she wanted to try again. He said he wouldn't be with her and was not looking for second chances. So I questioned him about suddenly adding her on FB. He blew up and said they were friends and only friends that he does not talk to her. that I'm a stalker for looking at his FB friends. That I'm insecure and crazy I the head assuming things. we got into a huge fight over it. in the end, he broke it off with me and insisted that she had a boyfriend and he respected that. that she is his ex for a reason, etc, etc. Well a few days later, he ended up changing his number and I saw on social media (again) that he was spending time with her.

So was I wrong to follow my gut feelings? I had no real proof of him already having something with her. Did I ruin things on my own?
I had to contact my ex for some financial stuff and mail... I am still extremely upset and hurt that he would cut me from his life so heartedly after everything I did for him. I said something in the email about "us" and what I thought "we" had. He responded by saying "Everything we had was real! And you claiming it wasn't doesn't help me wanting to be with you!". How does he still want to be with me and be with someone else at the same time? Really!

Everything I did, such as give him hugs or kisses, were suddenly annoying him. When he would visit me, he was glued to his phone and barely engaging in conversation with me. he wasn't as affectionate either and when I would express my feelings, he would become very defensive.


Most Helpful Girl

  • just give your boyfriend and yourself some time away from each other. I know that can be hard and I know you're hurting and want to try and talk things out right now but it will be the best thing for both of you. in the meantime I would spend some quality time alone and think about where you are in life and what you want. who knows maybe you might come to the conclusion that you're not ready for a relationship or your boyfriend was not what you wanted in a relationship, etc. take your time and take care.

    • It's very hard... especially since he is seeing his ex again and he changed his number. I'm thinking this time apart would be good as well but not when he's already back with her :/ I guess I just need to accept that this all happened for a reason and I will have my answers later on. Thank you for your response.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Listen to your gut...

    The problem with that, if you are insecure with yourself...you are telling your guy what you want to hear. You need time to yourself and you do not need a man that doesn't respect you


What Girls Said 2

  • It is possible you jumped to conclusions but if you have a strong gut feeling he is lying based on more than your insecurities and it is something based on what he said or did that' causes you a gut feeling don't ignore it

    • I did consider the fact rhat I jumped to conclusions, however I had a very strong negativ vibe coming from him... And although the turn out was not so great & I am hurt... I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. If it were my insecurities, I would've never let the relationship reach 4 months... I would've walked away sooner. But things were great at one point.

  • well, you accused him of something you had no proof of. Sure it is possible that he was with her, but I certainly wouldn't of just assumed it all off of some dumb Facebook status. I'm not saying you werent right but and believe me I know sometimes your "gut instinct" is just your insecurities coming out to manifest themselves.

    • I understand your point of view. I had no real proof... but the way he started to act with me was suddenly different. Everything I did suddenly started to annoy him... like my hugs or kisses, when he used to LOVE those the most. And he would suddenly go MIA when he was having "family" time but before that, he would constantly respond to me or ask me how my day was. There was a lot of little things that did not make sense. Him changing his number so quick and getting back with her says something.

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