He doesn't want a relationship with me. Should I move on or stick around a little?

Following my previous question: link


He found an excuse not to see me tonight. We had spent 3 evenings together last week. He broke up with his ex of 3 years before this school semester. My last relationship (2 years) ended around the same time, so it's important to note that we're both afraid of commitment right now. Here's our text exchange, I'd really like advice on this.

Me: It's OK but you know, you could tell me that you don't want to see me anymore be honest

Him: For real I think you're a really nice girl and I enjoy cuddling with you! I don't want us to see each other too often as first cause it accelerates things easily. As you said, the clock to make a move is ticking. You were right

Me: It makes sense but there's a difference between slowing things down because it's going too fast and neglecting things out of interest loss. I don't know which side I'm at and I think I've been clear enough about not being interested in becoming your booty call. If that's what you're looking for, I'd prefer you tell me

Him: It's not really what I'm looking for but I think we're not looking for the same things... I personally enjoyed the evenings with you but I wouldn't want to develop something serious and with you it'll develop if I see you too much

Him: When I'm alone with you, I feel you really nicely.. I just find that things are heading the same direction as my exes, aka we text a lot, I like being with you. But I don't want to head this direction right now, so I don't want to give you false hope. How did you feel what what was going on?

Me: I like you and you seem like a nice guy, yeah things were going too fast for my taste but I liked spending time with you. I don't want to rush into a serious relationship right now either. The thing is that I'm stuggling to figure out if your problem is that it's evolving too quick, or that you just don't want a relationship at all eventually. I don't mind taking my time, but if you already know you're closed to the idea, to me it makes a difference.

Him: OK. Yeah I'm pretty closed to the idea. It's not that I don't like you but ''eventually'' would be in pretty long, let's say. We get along well but we're two different styles of people according to me. Would you still be interested in seeing me again ou would you rather not?

Me: I'm not sure, to be honest. It's a bit blurry to me too, what I want. I don't know where it'd lead us or what you'd be looking for if you kept seeing me

Him: Yeah I don't know either what I'm looking for with you.. I like to take the time to think. I'll sleep on it, as I often do.
Ok guys. So I saw him at uni today during a class break. I was taking a walk with my friends, as he was since he too had class nearby. I waved at him, not sure if he waved back. Anyway, I DIDN'T text him since and neither has he. I'll wait for him to contact me again but I'm not expecting him to. I suppose we're done from now on.


Most Helpful Girl

  • To start, I think it's great that you told him straight up what you want.That's an awesome skill that a lot of girls (myself included!) don't have. However, he has said more than once that while he has enjoyed spending time with you, he doesn't see it going anywhere. I think that should be your take home here. He did say he would think about it, but he may have felt a little bit pressured into that statement. Because you've made your point clear, I think you should wait and see if he comes back to you in the near future. If not, you should move on. Getting over people is never fun, but the more you drag something out, the more difficult it is. You don't want to be with someone you have to push into liking you. Hope this helped!

    • Yeah, your point is very valid. That's pretty much what I need to read, thanks. Right now my intent is to ignore him until he contacts me again. Maybe he'll never do it, who knows, but I don't want to pursue him or pressure him into giving me an answer. Right now, I take it as an ''it's done'' exit. If he changes his mind, we'll see how he handles it. I won't ask him to meet me up again. That's his call anyway and until then, my call is to continue alone and be open to dating someone else.

    • Show All
    • You're welcome! Well we didn't talk for over a month but after he swinged by my place to get something I owed him, we started chatting again. I don't believe this will lead anywhere, neither would I actually want to, but it's nice to have him back in my life. He's a fun guy anyway.

    • Good! It's always so much easier when you can be friendly afterwards!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • hmmm, its a tough situation. I would tell you to move on. you wanna make sure a guy really likes you for you! you don't want him to just like you for cuddling, kissing, sex, etc. I had a situation like you once I waited on a girl for two years and the third year when she realized she finally liked me I had a girlfriend. if you really like him then yes wait, but if I learned anything from my story its that there will always be someone else for you out there c:. good luck with everything, hope I helped!

    • Well, we didn't cuddle/kiss that much overall. We didn't kiss until a few dates, so it was mostly talking the whole time. I don't think I'll wait for anything. Well, we'll see if he still wants to hang out and what reason he gives me for it. Until then, I take it as an exit and I'm not expecting us to date again. I won't ask him out again, that is. If he gives me a valid reason why he's still interested in seeing me, I'll take it from there. I'm not keeping my hopes up, really. Thanks!

What Girls Said 2

  • Just back off and relax. Go focus on something else in your life. By what you've written in these texts, you're pushing w/o trying to look like you're pushing. If he doesn't want something right now, then just accept that, period. Leave him alone.

  • Be friends with him, if he changes his mind then you guys will both be happy. He's not giving up on you. He's just scared of commitment


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