What's your best method to get your confidence back after a breakup?

So, I'm officially 4 days single now, and I'm beginning to have those weird thoughts that we all have when we go through a break-up like:

-Will anyone ever love me again?

-I'm so weird! How could anyone want to be with me?

-What if everyone except my ex thinks I'm ugly when I'm naked?

-If I have another break-up again, will I even survive or will I die of heartache?

We've all been there, and most of us have survived. Right now, I'd like to hear your advice on how you regain your confidence when you're feeling this way! If your advice is to go to a bar and bang a bunch of strangers, no thank you, that is not my style. I just want to hear what you tell yourself to make yourself feel better about all of the flaws you see in yourself. Thanks!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well as you've already mentioned, many people advise to go to bars, have a laugh and meet new people as soon as possible, but I've always thought this to be the worst kind of advice, as the underlying issues of your break-up are still there and that only complicates things further down the line if they are not addressed first. Unfortunately there is nothing that is going to make you feel better immediately, but you need to know that someone will love you again, we are all weird in our own ways, so don't worry about that. I'm fairly sure that you're not 'ugly' naked and experiences like this will only make you stronger if this were ever to happen to you again.

    Just try to engage in the things that you enjoy doing personally, like going to the gym, concentrating on your work or studies and have yourself a bit of 'me' time. In the mean time, don't ignore the thoughts and feelings that you are having about your break-up... Work through them, get upset about them and try to come to some sort of internal resolution and find peace with all that has happened. Over time, you will find that you become accustomed to your own routine in doing the things that you enjoy and will find that you have come to terms with this break-up. Only when you feel right inside and have come to terms with this will you be ready to date again properly, and only you will know when the time is right, so don't let people try to force you back into it until you are ready!

    I know from experience how hard and depressing a break-up can be and I am familiar with all the questions you are asking yourself, but I can assure you that only time will heal your feelings and you will come out of this a stronger person. If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask me... Otherwise, I wish you well with how you're feeling right now! :o)

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What Guys Said 16

  • I can answer this question for you. The most foolish thing to do after a break-up would be going for a rebound relationship. These rebounds are almost always guaranteed to fail. It is likely to leave you with a lot of bitterness which could take forever to heal, and it would also be totally unfair for your partner because he might have expected a long term relationship but it was bound to fail since it was a rebound relationship. Hence, please refrain from rebounds relationships at all costs, because such relationships are a sure fire recipe for disaster. Give yourself time to recuperate.

    Having said that, there are lots of thing which you CAN do, to deal with your pain. Getting drowned in music would be a good option. It is often said that music has charms to soothe a savage beast, so it can obviously heal the pains of a hurt 24 year old girl. I'd suggest you refrain from listening to romantic music or songs with lyrics related to love, because that might bring memories flooding back. This would actually nullify the purpose of you listening to music. But this doesn't happen with some people, so you're the best judge to decide if you're fine with listening to romantic music in your situation, although I wouldn't recommend you to take that risk.

    The next thing you could try, is to start playing video games. And no, I'm not referring to silly Facebook games like Farmville and Cityville. There are games which are totally immersive, and provide you with long hours of entertainment. Also, video games are excellent stress busters. I suggest you play games with high octane, fast and frenzied action, because that adrenaline rush is likely to numb your mind and make your forget your painful breakup to a certain extent.

    The next thing I'd suggest is to hang out with your female friends quite often, and have fun with them. I'm specifically saying 'female' friends because most males are jerks when it comes to things like breakups, and what they say might actually intensify your pain. And since you're single and in pain now, guys might use your vulnerability to start a relationship with you, which would again be a rebound for you. Also, girls are usually quite understanding in such matters, and offer you their shoulder to cry on when you're low. But there is a class of girls who actually enjoy seeing other girls suffer due to jealousy, so you'd better stay away from such girls.

    Finally, I'd suggest you involve yourself in some physical activity on a regular basis. Swimming would be the best option, because it REALLY de-stresses and refreshes you very effectively. If you don't know how to swim, then other physical activities can also provide almost equal benefits.

    I hope I have helped you a little bit at least. I may be a newbie on this site, but I deal with relationship issues on other sites such as Yahoo Answers. Feel free to contact me if you need further assistance. And please remember, strictly NO rebound! Take care, and have fun! Cheers! :)

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    Oh honey I've been exactly where you are not too long ago either. Time does heal the pain. I often wonder and wish, But letting go is the easiest way. Even if he comes back you still are no longer the same person as before. This experience is changing you. Like pealing off layers of an onion it makes you cry but you are fresher and cleaner...

    You will grieve and cleanse yourself, and that will build your confidence.

    So cry when you need to cry. And talk to loved ones and true friends. This site is actually very helpful. I found this site recovering from another one over two years ago. and have had many more heartaches since lol... It never gets easier.

    But be assured there are some wonderful happy moments in your future. keep your hope

    Another thing that helped me when I was having constant surges of overwhelming grief. I prayed and asked for relief and guidance that worked for a minute or so then back on my knees and ask again. Keep God close He will relieve you when you ask Him to. God is a gentleman He doesn't go where He isn't asked to.

    Hugs

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  • Hi I'm sorry to hear about your break up. You seem to have your head screwed on right though and have the perfect attitude to overcome heartache. I'm four months into a break up myself and was the same as you. I knew it was it's normal to have the questions you have but you still become obsessed with them! The only thing you can is distract yourself as best you can. Running gym swimming is good as the natural endorphins will fight sadness and grief and it will also make you feel confident in yourself physically. The major obstacle to confidence post breakup is that your self esteem wil be fragile. You overcome this by looking into yourself and finding things that are good about you physically and good characteristics that you have as well and hold onto them. Your ego and battered self esteem will want you to rip yourself to shreds don't you constantly fight this with what is good about yourself. This is important as it will stop you being tempted into a rebound. Also while its not a good idea to jump into anything with someone straight away a little flirting never hurt anyone. Hope I helped and hope you feel better soon.

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  • Well, usually my breakups are bad because I tend to date closet psychopaths, so I'm totally justified in being angry with them, so it gets me to the "I'm better off without them" phase very quickly. For instance, my ex-fiancee, who lost her job and decided that she didn't want to get a new one and left both of our bills to me, then told me I was irresponsible and couldn't be trusted to take care of her when I couldn't maintain our lifestyle. Dodged a bullet on that one, I could have ended up married to her and would be paying alimony to this day.

    I usually take a few days to myself (I'll still go to work and everything though) to work my way through the worst of it. I'll put some headphones on and crank the angriest music I have, go to my garage and lift some weights, go for a run, whatever will burn some energy off. I'd rather "burn" it out of me than drag it out and feel crappy about longer than I have to and at least I'll be doing something productive to improve my self image. The key in the long term is to keep busy working on something to improve yourself so you don't dwell on the negative. For instance, that ex-fiance fiasco? I decided I was going to get back into shape since I had let myself go due to stress and lack of time trying to pay for everything.

    At some point I'll have called my boys up and I'll make arrangements to do something fun with them. Doesn't really matter what as long as I get to just be a dude.

    Once I get through the negative stuff, I try to logically figure out what went wrong. Was I at fault or was she? What can I learn from this? What signs did I miss that things were off the rails?

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  • If I think stuff like that I try and be more realistic about those irrational beliefs. Lots of guys are going to like you, you're pretty exceptionally attractive, ect.

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  • I don't promote nor encourage this, but having sex with others usually help.

    Depending on moral guidelines and opinions, a lot of people would not recommend it. Especially with your gender.

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  • 1 - Create goals.

    2 - Accomplish them.

    3 - Profit.

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  • It takes more than few days may be a couple of week to get normal after break up. First of all our daily routine things and stuff must be in order. We should avoid meeting with people just like before. And do not bother about others, about what they ask you or think of you after break up. Try to make yourself busy with every thing which makes you happy. Even you can try to pass your time with best friends or new friends around you. And most important thing is if you think you are right and break up was genuine, do not think of that again and again. let it go and make yourself busy with your hobbies...

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  • Dedicate yourself to a hobby, job, or education. Whichever of those applies to you. These things help you realize again that your personal worth isn't based off of the love from another human being it's from inside. You don't need anyone else to shine as brightly as children do. That's in all of us.

    These things always seem worse when it happens because it's fresh. As the days turn into months that burden will slowly unload every morning you wake up. You just need to focus on things that you are good at until that day comes.

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  • Hooking up with a random, hot stranger.

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  • I stop being sad and stop being awesome

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  • Kararoke.

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  • If I were dating you we'd be married and pregnant in a year tops. ;)

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  • I, for one, do not recommend listening to Katy Perry's "Roar". That song (and her) are the epitome of faking behavior when the only person you're fooling is yourself. The chick makes songs about her divorce out of emotion, then realizes that it doesn't make her "look like a strong, independent woman that isn't caught up on her ex"...so suddenly she's Superwoman.

    There is no magic pill that will make you feel better about a breakup, except time. As time goes on, the dust settles and you've no doubt done other things with your time to give yourself some distraction. These are the things that help you move on. But unfortunately, you can't just snap your fingers and feel better, or the world would be an awesome place to live in.

    To put it into perspective: you're not the first person to feel stuck in a downer mood that just wants to get relief from it with "the trick"...and you won't be the last.

    That's how these things work- you just find your own way to soldier through it and let time take care of the rest.

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  • I agree with the anonymous answerer except I also recommend listening to the Katy Perry song Roar . Oh and for the sake of your future relationships can you at least try to be a little less atheist. Thanx (:

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  • Pick yourself up and think you are a tiger and you will roar.

    if you put you self down and think it something about you it will show and will put guys off.

    go out talk and flirt with guys have some fun.

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What Girls Said 10

  • I went through a lot of that and I find that just dating in general brings it, so what I did was, being divorced and had a baby, yes I devoted my time to her. But once she turned like 6, I got back into my passion career, and I found that focusing on THAT instead of guys eventually took it out of system.

    But of course now dating again, I don't think that I've balanced it, and it's hard because men are typically more insensitive than women. Or shall I say we have to be sensitive to their feelings and they're often so caught up in us pleasing them that SOME guys forget about pleasing us.

    It's all a matter, I think, of being able to communicate to have your needs met. We have all this garbage out thee how women should not be 'needy.' or 'clingy,' well lately I'm disregarding those labels! We ALL need and want to be LOVED and when we are with the wrong person (is it that?) we find ourselves needing more because THEY ARE NOT GIVING ENOUGH.

    So please don't beat yourself up for feeling this way... just realize that your relationships have created these feelings because the people you were with, it seems, didn't make you feel loved or cherished.

    Again, I've done the same in the past, and what I need to learn is how to weed out selfish people who want to take my love and not give the same degree of love back... it's not easy, but we have to pick better to get better!

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  • This is what I did :

    1. Write down the reasons why the relationship ended and why you shouldn't be in it.

    2. Write a list of what you learnt from this relationship and look at it as a life experience and lesson, so you know what you want and don't want in someone/relationship

    3. Write a list on why you shouldn't be with him and the bad sides of him etc. Read this list every time you miss him, cause it's easy to miss them and wonder why, it's cause your attached and cause you love them you tend to drift into the times that were good and then you feel like shit.

    4. Cut contact with them

    5. Feel it all, you are allowed to get over him in your own way, cry it out, ugly cry it out lol. But feel it all, the pain will slowly fade and one day you will never have to cry at the thought of him.

    6. Focus on you, to heal and to become a better you physically, emotionally, mentally. Grow from it. Let something positive come out from this break up.

    7. Learn to be happy by yourself and with yourself.

    8. Just surround yourself with loved ones, people who love you, fun people.

    9. Keep yourself busy.

    10. learn from what you did wrong in that relationship and try to never do that again.

    11. Don't play victim and continue feeling sorry for yourself. The past is gone and can't be changed, but you have your future and present and you can do something about it now and have better relationships.

    I am still getting over this man, cause I had truly madly deeply unconditionally loved this man that just trampled and danced on my heart without mercy.

    But look at yourself as an overcomer and that you will overcome this heartache.

    Pray a lot. Believe in yourself. Grow and learn and gain strength from this.

    And learn to forgive him, not for him but for yourself. Staying obsessed and constantly thinking of the hate and negative of that relationship and towards him will make the pain last longer and take away your happiness even longer.

    Just have faith that an amazing man out there is meant for you that will love you unconditionally and treasure you. And it will happen. There are billions of people in this world, don't think so small to limit yourself to a certain portion of men in the world.

    Think this is your chance to not settle for mediocrity, to not settle for someone who is toxic or is not making you happy but you stay cause your attached.

    And I am healing now and trying to be the best me, and focus on more important things. I think in a way I never want to let the next guy pay for the previous guy's BS. I am now more aware, more observant, stronger, and empowered. And I am gonna find my happiness on my own and have faith that someone out there is meant for me, and that God has a perfect timing for me.

    Thinking this way helps me a lot. And I don';t have to pretend. I believe it, I believe in myself, and I am taking my life , my relationship, my future in my own hands.

    When I had now break up with him I got psychosomatic pains in my body, I would break down

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    • everyday. I want to never wake up. I cried until I couldn't see properly. I wanted to feel physical pain cause it was better than the emotional pain I felt. This guy really broke my heart. if you knew what he did and how he caused so tons of hurt you would wanna kill him. But you know what I thought " You brought me down too long, you are not gonna have the rest of my life, I deserve greatness, I deserve love, and I won't let you or anyone take my life away"...cause of course you think am i

    • gonna always be in love with him forever? You beat yourself up for letting one man affect you and your life this much. But you gotta remember life goes on and doesn't wait for you. Never give up on yourself.

  • Some of the suggestions on here are good, but honestly, time is the only thing that works - you just need time to remember who you are as an individual and what you like about being single as opposed to in a relationship. Once you remember what it's like to stand on your own two feet as an individual again, you'll start to move on and be ready to give dating other people a chance.

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  • 1) Keep your mind occupied. Learn an instrument. Dedicate yourself to your studies. Make something.

    2) Go out and have fun with friends. Kiss some cute boys.

    3) Buy yourself a cute outfit.

    4) Eventually, you will find someone else. He will make you happy, hopefully. If not, someone else will come along. It always works out.

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  • First thing you do is you cry your eyes out, cry cry cry!

    After you are done crying you pick yourself up, and you remind yourself that you are a hard core woman who won't let a man define you, you get your ass to the gym, you work out, you look cute / hot everyday, you run the world!

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  • Perhaps not the best advice, but what worked for me is going on a date with another guy and realize how much better this guy treated me compared to my ex. Huge wake up call!

    You are still in love with your ex, or at least attached, but deep down you know that this break up is just your story on the path to meeting the man you will marry one day.

    You are a gorgeous woman, give yourself a couple of weeks to cry it all out, then dress up and go on a new fresh date with a man who has a kind heart. Something you've always wanted to do but your ex didn't like doing.

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  • When you find someone that really loves you he will love you and all the flaws you have, he won't try to change who you are. When I go through a bad break up I usually try to avoid my ex and Hang with friends. Sometimes when I doubt myself on how I look I take a day to treat myself. I fix my hair really nice, do my make up and nails, and dress up really nice or sexy. It's a confidence booster. Just know that no matter who breaks you , someone loves you. Here's a quote that I like, "girls are like apples on trees, the best ones are at the top. Usually guys go for the rotten or majorly flawed apples on the bottom because they're too afraid to fall from the top. Then the apples on top think something is wrong with them when reality, they're perfect. They just have to wait for that one boy, the one brave enough to climb all the way to the top."

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    • "When you find someone that really loves you he will love you and all the flaws you have"...your advice to her rests in her finding someone else to fill the void. Until the QA can stand on her own and not let a breakup wreck her for a short time, then telling her to find comfort in someone else is pretty bad advice in of itself.

      The forgotten art of SELF-confidence sees you through things way more than temporary confidence given to you by others.

  • I'm still upset 5 weeks later!

    Been asked out twice in that time and turned both guys down because they're not my ex! He was just wow and I can't help compare people to him.

    Best advice is hopefully time, I think!

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  • make a list of reasons why you are amazing

    do things that are fun

    remember if someone liked you, another person will too.

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  • I get a makeoever.

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