Why is my ex girlfriend treating me as I never existed?

I met her way back during my sophomore year of HS. I was 15 then (now I'm 23) and that was first time I've ever gone out on a date. It was at that very same moment, I knew I wanted to be with her only.

As dumb as it sounds, at the age of 16 I started designing a house during graphics class and would continue doing so over the years. It was what I imagine we would live at someday.

Fast-forward to last year: Out of nowhere, she demands that we cease contact, how she's doesn't love me anymore and how the relationship has gotten stale. Here I am with my house project done after years of hard work and imagination but not the woman I wanted to be with. We go to the same college and she ignores me. I can't explain what I did wrong.

We saw each other just the other day, she looked quickly at me and turned the other way. How can someone just move on like that?
Sometimes I keep imagining this was just a bad dream, that I wake up and there she's in my life again but nope. It's real, she's gone and I'm still missing her like crazy while she has moved on and ignores me.

I can't even look at my house project anymore. I feel I did all that work for nothing.
Though it's been a year later since the sudden break up, to me it feels as if it was yesterday. Sadly, she was my first.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Man, that sucks. This is no consolation, except to say I feel for you. I was 21 when something similar happened to me. Never saw my ex-fiance past that time but stayed in touch with her on and off for years until a couple years ago she broke all ties with me. Broke my heart all over again. Like you, we were firsts, and I couldn't figure out why she broke things off 30 years ago. The pain lasted for years. Not sure it's really gone.

    You did nothing wrong. She apparently had a change of heart. Unfortunately women do that. And they rip out guy's hearts in the process. (men too) They then keep their distance so we don't cry at their feet. They like strong men, not guy's who lose control and get emotional because they broke our hearts.

    Given your history with her I'm guessing your break up will feel like yesterday for a number of years to come.

    Couple options:

    1. Try to move on. See if you can get help from someone to talk it out. There will be another girl out there for you and your house.

    2. If you see her again, see if she's willing to give you 5 or 10 minutes to talk. Be mature about it. Non-threatening, positive, "strong" like someone she'd be intersted in, "non-stale" (give it some thought), see what she's been thinking, if anything; perhaps see if she'd be willing to meet for 30 minutes sometime, and SET an appointment.

    • I'm in the same type of predicament as you were. My ex and I broke up just over a year ago, but we stayed friends as she had kids that loved me and I loved them. But now, with a new guy in her life, she doesn't want me seeing the girls or her anymore... I can still text her, she didn't rule out all contact, but it breaks my heart to know I can't see them...

      It was my fault we broke up in the first place and I haven't forgiven myself since, for losing out on something so precious to me...

    • Show All
    • thank you for the advice. =D

    • Hope it helps. I pushed too hard the second time around. I should have kept some distance and spent more time appealing to her emotions rather trying to deal with her logically. I'm sure you know women tend to think and make decisions emotionally rather than logically. Anyway, I lost it all, the second time, for good.

      Best of luck to you.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I think she might have gotten scared at the thought of marriage and commitment and maybe didn't thinks he was ready for it. Chalk it up to a lesson. If she was going to bolt, it's better that it happens before the house is completed. Continue dating, the older you get, the higher the chance that the people you go out with are looking to settle down for good.

  • I think it would be worse if she said all those things then continued to have contact and acted like nothing happened. The relationship is over, she's attempting to give you the space you need to move on from her. I don't think she's purposefully being cold but seriously, consider how much harder this situation would be if she tried to maintain the friendship with the way you feel for her. And even if you two got past the awkwardness, you would have it in your mind that maybe one day you would get back with her. Also, if you two were friends, how would you handle it when she finally gets another boyfriend?

    It's hard right now, but trust me, you should prefer being ignored and try try to do the same to her.

  • People change a lot after high school, it's possible that she was more to you than you were to her, or she has decided that she wasn't interested anymore but could tell that you still were so she is trying to create distance between you so that you grow apart. A lot of girls would be (especially young girls) would be intimidated by the whole house thing. It's a tough one because she was your first, all you can do is respect her enough to give her her space and try to move on.

    • That was our future I was slowly building at the time but you're right, the first time she looked at my rough draft (I still kept that paper I first started at that age), she didn't took it serious and thought it was some random drawing. I've always love her, still do.

    • Most women don't even truly know what they want until they are in their 30s so I wouldn't sweat it. Just don't hold out for her and do yourself the injustice, you never know what you might be missing. If you guys were meant to be together it will happen eventually, but if not you will regret spending time dwelling on it when you could have been living your life. That's all I'm saying...keep your head up buddy :)

What Guys Said 2

  • I feel you, too, QA.

    The best way to try to get over it is to put it all in perspective. Realize that you're still young and there are millions of eligible girls out there.

    It's hard to move on, believe me. You may never get over it. I don't think I'll ever get over my ex. But you can't let it affect you negatively or be a detriment, etc. Stay positive and take it as a life lesson to learn and grow from.

  • She moved on with her lifeand hate to say this but people change after high school.Went through something similar with a girl but time heals all wounds. Just try to move on if possible as that's what your ex did.


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