Is this a good reason to break up or am I being dramatic?

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. It's the healthiest relationship I've ever been in and there is a lot of trust and love there. And it's the best sex I've ever had. For the most part, he is good to me, but there are times when he will sort of talk down to me like I'm a child.. For instance, if I leave the bedroom door open when I go to another room he will say something like, "I don't know how you do it at home, but we don't leave doors open in this apartment" or one time I sat on the arm of his couch, which has been tattered and worn as long as I've known him, and he will say something like, "is that how we sit on a couch?" Now, I know it doesn't sound so bad but I've heard him say stuff like this to his DOG! He does this A LOT.

He also has anger problems and while he has never hurt me physically, he will yell and swear at me for the stupidest things. And it's really his anger toward other people that gets to me. He berates and belittles sales people and puts me in awkward situations when doing so.

He also has really bad road rage and has put me in dangerous situations as a result. He was once so enraged that he caused us to get into an accident (I was in a really bad one myself prior to this and he knew I was still scared to be in the car) INTENTIONALLY by going from the turn lane and cutting the guy off. He then proceeded to almost assault the guy and told me to shut up when I started crying. To this day he says the accident wasn't his fault.

He also implies that I'm stupid a lot, but I think you get the picture.

I've talked to him many times but he just hadn't changed.

Am I being over dramatic or is it right to be a little scared?

I don't know what to do. Any advice is welcome.
Updates:
We talked and are keeping our distance. He was receptive and understanding, but I'm not going to just say it's okay and that we can move on. As for right now, we're communicating but I do not plan to see him for a while.


Maybe he'll see the bigger picture, maybe not. I've got too much going for me to just take it. I deserve better than that. Thanks everyone :)

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79

Most Helpful Guy

  • this guy sounds like a major incident waiting to happen. dump him. The way he talks down to you is insulting but could be fixed but the other stuff shows a general anger and lack of respect for people (you included).

    Most times when I see questions about breaking up, I say you should try to talk to himI

    but I think in this case. you need to end it, probably in a public or semi-public place (due to his anger issues) and then break off contact with him...

    but put it in perspective, if a girlfriend of yours told you what you said here what would your advice to her be?

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    • I would definitely tell her that she doesn't deserve to be treated that way and to move on. Thank you. Sometimes it's hard to follow your own advice, yeah?

    • it definitely is. and in hindsight you'll probably look back one day and think wtf? (i've done it myself) but when you're in it, it can be really really hard to see and think clearly and rationally

    • @update. It seems clear that you both have strong feeligns for each other so I wouldn't rule out entirely reconciliation but if I were you I'd want him to very specifically address his anger and condescending personality issues

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What Guys Said 8

  • You are not being overly dramatic and he sounds too controlling. It sounds like the sex is good...and you like him, but he seems to have some issues. Have you talked with him about them. If he talks to you in an improper manner then call him on it. He will keep doing it unless you call him on it. If this creates a problem or if he gets insulted then I think you should move o. You can have a great relationship and great sex with plenty of other guys.

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  • This is the healthiest relationship you ever had? Sorry. You need to get out. There is nothing healthy about it.

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    • I meant it was in the beginning. For the first year we never fought and shit was great. Don't know what happened.

  • I don't know how long it would take to talk change into him and it will make you more vulnerable to being scared and possibly get hurt the more...IMO,I suggest you halt your relationship with him,give him some space to help himself,and if he doesn't,then you can call it quit...but if he really cares,he will think about it and have a change then comeback for you...

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  • The boyfriend sounds like a rude pig.He's full of shit and bad attitude.

    Walk a little further down the road.You'll find someone better by the end of the day.You don't need that bullshit.

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    • Sooner or later,they end up treating you no better than anyone else who's not important to them.You always get treated like the waiter,etc.

      He needs to treat everyone as he'd like to be treated.

    • I've told him this. And how embarrassing it is having to tell a grown man something that I tell my students.

  • He sounds like kind of a dick. And I don't mean that in a good way.

    I think you should start to explore other options. This doesn't sound like someone you want to be around longterm. Or through next Tuesday, for that matter.

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  • Have a intelligent conversation and lay out exactly how you feel. If he is not showing any concern to how you feel then that is a problem. communication is really important.

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  • Disrespect is still Disrespect.

    NO, Your NOT being Dramatic.

    There is someone "out there" who you will have all the same Positive things with AND will Respect You!

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  • Dump him and leave no address.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Yes these are warning signs for you. The reason you have written this question is because your instinct is telling you this is wrong. My ex used to do exactly the same thing. He used to be quite caring, until the caring became controlling and he would speak down to me like your boyfriend does to you. I used to go around his flat and out of respect would always leave wherever I had been in the exact same way I had found it. I know because I was always self-conscious of it. I always noticed his bathroom light was on and so whenever I went in there, I always left it on when I came out because that was how I found it. About 2 months into the relationship he said to me 'make sure you turn the bathroom light off this time, every time you come round that bathroom light is left on' and I ended up having to defend myself over a bathroom light.

    He would also say things like 'don't do that sweetheart' when I was tapping my leg, or he would snap 'put that glass on a coaster' as he was passing me a drink.

    I asked a similar question to yours a while back and someone said it was because he is insecure and has to baby me. He said the things he says to me are controlling and show he has no faith in my ability at all, which was a complete eye opener. This was exactly how he treated me. He was treating me like a piece of rubbish. He would often call me stupid as well and make out I was dim. In the end I gave up and dumped the moron over email. Nobody should ever talk to you like this. Relationships are built on respect for each other, not just one party.

    I'm not saying break up with him, but if it carries on and there is no sign of a change, maybe you should walk away.

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  • If this is "one of the healthiest relationships you've ever been in",it leads me to wonder about the treatment you are used to getting from men.

    You say that statement, but then it is followed by a lot of negative things about him,

    Although there is a lot to love about this guy (assuming at times he does treat you well),

    there is major rom for improvement from him.

    I suggest sitting down with him and talking to him about this.

    Make him aware of it.

    If he denies doing it, catch him in the act.

    When you feel spoken down to or belittled , bring it up right then and there.

    Let him know you feel,

    that he can improve on the way he communicates with others.

    Discuss other ways to go about that.

    I hope that talk does him well.

    People don't change overnight though, expect this to be a process.

    Hopefully he is willing and ready.

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    • In the past I was always with guys who cheated on me and/or had trust/control issues. This relationship started off very well. For the first year he was great and we only had silly arguments here and there. When I say healthy, I am referring to the earlier stages of our relationship. That being said, I talked to him about this a few months back and would bring it up or catch him in the act and he really did improve.. For a while. This resurfacing makes me think it will come in cycles.

    • Show All
    • If you feel that strongly then end it.

      If you don't want to, if him one more chance and let him know the is his final.

      Speak from the heart and let him know how much this hurts you.

      You don't deserve that,

    • *give him

  • DEFINITELY A GOOD REASON TO LEAVE!

    & please do so while you can. Don't make excuses for him (not saying you are) and get out. If he hasn't changed, he most likely never will. You need to decide if you want to waste years of your life like this and possibly live like this forever.

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  • He doesn't treat you like he respects you as a person and as who you are. Leave him behind. He should get help with his control issues (when HE recognizes and realizes it's a problem) before he gets into a relationship.

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  • that doesn't sound healthy at all :l

    hes got anger issues, is condescending towards you and everyone else, yells and swears at you, got you into a car accident because he was angry and did it on purpose! and emotionally abuses you

    you need to leave him because that behaviour is unacceptable, one day he will progress to hitting and will blame you for it, he sounds like he's constantly teetering on the edge of physical violence when he gets really mad

    this guy has given you continual proof that he will not change, he might act better for a week or 2 but then he will go right back to where he was because you're willing to put up with it and let him control how he treats everyone

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  • I see so many good reasons in there, each being enough to end a relationship. It's okay, I was in a relationship very similar to yours and I successfully persuaded myself that there was a lot of love, we were okay, that his anger was "a guy thing", blah blah. But in reality definitely NOT.

    -He does not respect you if he talks to you like a dog. Period. It just shows how lowly he thinks of you deep down, maybe even subconsciously.

    -He will put his own problems over your LIFE. This means he is totally okay with endangering your life, multiple times too.

    -Berating and belittling people. And anger problems. This is a long-term problem you won't be able to deal with on your own. In a few more months or year or two, it could very well spin out of control and escalate.

    I could go into even more detail but I hope this kinda sorts out my concerns. Run away FAST!

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  • That is not a good relationship for you to be in, especially if you have spoken to him about what's bothering you. You should end it with him

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