This is very important to me- wonder if someone has the extreme daddy issues?

I sat and wondered why I am such a fucking failure when it comes to relationships with boys. The past 3 years have been -and I'm not overreacting- me crying and screaming away my boyfriends. The minute I feel a little bit unloved or low on the selfesteem I will find a way or the nearest occation to get hammered and cry my eyes out yelling or screaming out all the feelings I go around with. And not in a cute damsel-in-distress-kind-of way- a crazy overloaded stay-away-she-looks-pysical-right-now-way. I will then later after my ex boyfriend has dryed my tears continue on crying and babling words that doesn't make sense and tell them to go fuck them selves, but if they leave- it's hell on earth.

So- I know that I am a complete mess you would be smart to keep away from, and every time I get dumped- because I have never dumped anyone, only been dumped by those reasons I just told, I start to cry "Please don't leave" and they respond by "I CAN'T WATCH OUT FOR YOU I'M NOT YOUR DAD"

So I sat down one day and thought about it after hearing it now four times from a boy that they can't take being with someone who wants them to play a father-role for me, that that's what I really do. I talk about my father like it's no biggy, but when I think about him I start instantly crying and blaming him for all my actions. My father left when I was one year old, leaving to be an extreme drunk who doesn't remember my birthday and would rather drink in his appartment than spend time with me.

I know pleny of girlfriends who doesn't have a father, but it really bit me hard, really hard. I would do about anything to hear him say he loved me.

Has anyone else felt like this, and how can you see past it when in a relationship? My behavior is killing all my relationship, but without the secure feeling that I'm loved no matter what- I go totally nuts. Has anyone anything to share?

Thank you very much xx


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm sorry for your painful memories. Every little girl deserves a loving daddy who will be there for her. You got a sucking self-absorbed drunk.

    I feel good about your future 'cause you have an amazing depth of insight into your problem. Know that you're not alone. I know at least two other girls dealing with this in my small social circle. One just barely avoided getting locked up by the cops when she attacked her boyfriend after drinking. Then she turned into a bit of a stalker.

    My immediate suggestion is to avoid alcohol like poison. Then get some counseling. It would be very hard to deal with this without help. You should probably stay out of relationships until your counselor says you're ready. I wish you the very best.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Find someone understanding.

    Learn, together, what triggers you.

    Recognize, together, when you're being triggered. Try to remember what you're feeling is not about them, but about your father. And both of you work to get through it.

    Then hopefully you have enough good points to be worth it.

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    • Thank you :) I sure hope there is some more good points, who get me the boyfriends before they knew about the rest of me.

  • Yeah, you have daddy issues. It's not really wrong, it's just that some guys are not built to deal with it. I agree, find someone understanding.

    For me I have a similar situation, I'm a dorky but very sweet guy, very smart, but I always go for some of the hottest girls in the room, the ones that never would want me. Which is twisted because when I have found a BBW that I liked for other reasons, I actually have better luck.

    You know why I go after those women? Because they aren't attracted to me and in a way, they tell me that I can't be with them. I don't like being told no or being pushed around, I usually dig in instead of give up.

    But yeah, you need to step back and observe yourself and listen to other people's observations that you trust because they may see something you might not see. You had some time to reflect and that's good, it means you have made some progress in your mental healing. Keep observing and reflecting.

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What Girls Said 2

  • My heart goes out to you... :(

    I have some friends that have similar issues in regards to men due to absentee fathers.

    From what I have read in the past, for women that grow-up without a father or a father who is not emotionally invested, they will go their entire lives trying to fill the void. :( I have a broken past too... one that does not involve the same pain you're going through, but I can empathize on the hurt you're experiencing.

    I agree with kheserthorpe as far as that is the type of guy who would work well with you. But I also believe that you need some healing that no man can fix for you. I know your heart needs the comfort (I don't blame you...), which is where the relationship comes into the mix to fill the void. But like you said, every time you feel a bit emotionally threatened (or even abandoned emotionally), you freak out. A great guy can be patient, loving, understanding, and help you through your hang-ups, but you also need some of your brokenness fixed. I don't want this to sound like an insult, but have you thought about talking to someone like a counselor? It can be very helpful if you trust them enough and really take their suggestions to heart. I don't recommend a male counselor either... I think a woman would be able to relate more to the pain you're experiencing. I've gone for counseling for my past hurts and it was very helpful. Another idea...I know it's not popular at all, but I have found great comfort in my faith. It's just a suggestion, but you'd be amazed at the comfort given. I'm just putting it out there because you never know- no offense intended...

    Anyways, I really hope you can find some solutions for your hurt. By the way, is this something you can talk to your mom about? Is she understanding and is your relationship with her good?

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  • Since it's a regular occurrence and has ruined all of your relationships I think the best thing to do would be to get some therapy for it from a psychologist.

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