My wife (HS sweetheart) cheated, did I made a mistake marrying young?

I found out through a keylogger last month and it was been very difficult for us. She has been expressing remorseful but I don't know if I can ever get over it and the fact that she could forget about our special, unique, intimate moment quickly and let someone else inside her. We were each others' first and met as 15 year-old sophomores in HS.

I proposed to her way back in March 2011 (was 21 and both in college). We got married in May 25 2012. Now everything seems pointless to me. I can't see her nor our moments in the same way, all that pure and innocent love is gone right before my eyes.

They started an emotional affair since mid-July and it turned into a physical affair starting in August.
I don't understand it. I know there are obviously very attractive women but I would have never traded them for my love.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey

    I am sorry to hear this, coming from a similar story, I understand the heartbreak of it all and the feeling of total deception and loss. You're going to have to go deep down and ask yourself if you have the power of character to forgive and trust her again, and I would obviously only be doing that if she is making the effort. What is a keylogger because one of the big flashing signs to me beyond the immediate story is that she didn't tell you herself and that is leading me to think she is even less noble than just making the mistake of cheating. You two have to have fully open communication which is REALLY hard to do when it comes to sexual cheating, very hard because the brutality, disgust and jealousness that encompasses that means you will have to learn to keep emotions at bay, and both be very big characters. Putting everything on the table is the best place to start. Go in, ask yourself if you can forgive betrayal, if you can trust and love again and if you make those decisions that you can, you can not keep this over her head. That is forgiveness. You will have to move on, one day at a time, the ball is in your court to choose if it is together or apart.


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What Girls Said 3

  • you didn't make a mistake in marrying young you just chose the wrong woman to share your life with. Drop her, make sure the house, money etc is all in your name and all she leaves with is her clothes - nothing else cause that's what she deserves infact get a divorce alimony its obviously depressing you - ask a lawyer if its possible since if you're depressed your work performance would be lacking hence your earning can go low etc.

    It's her loss she's a slut in the making unfortunately - ha what goes around comes around - he'd probably use her and dump her then she'd want to come back to you

  • You DIDN'T make a mistake marrying young. You made a mistake in marrying the wrong person, that's all. It has nothing to do with age. I would suggest divorce, then pick up the pieces and start over.

  • I suggest divorce

    • I will... still start seeing a lawyer next week.

What Guys Said 7

  • She was missing something in her life. You need to find out what it was or this will in all likelihood happen again. If you aren't willing to dicuss it with her, or she's not willing to address what's going on in her head...then it's time for saying goodbye.

    It will take some time and patience to get through this, on the part of both of you. You can't just pretend it didn't happen.

    • She cheated for no reason other than feeling validated that another guy wanted her. Keeps saying she's remorseful but that's no reason to cheat. I had certain girls in my workplace tried to hit on me but I turned them down. I believe this is what people who love their wife/husband do, they have enough self-control and say no.

    • Show All
    • You expect WOMEN to be mentally healthy?Logic is beyond them,and they run on feelings,emotions, "instinct" or whatever else makes them feel good/bad.

      It's really a case of the lunatics running the asylum.

    • In this case, anyway!

  • Drop her.

    Nice guys shouldn't put up with bullshit in this world, we get trampled over enough. It's a different story if she fessed up before you found out, or tried to take some higher road. But she didn't.

    To be honest, even if you leave her, she's probably going to get with this guy she's cheating on you with anyway, she wins either way.

    Drop it, drop her, don't look back.

  • Everybody has their own standards in terms of what they can live with. Maybe you can live with it.

    I know I'd be unable to trust her enough to stay married after that. I could forgive, but I'd have to leave to do it. If you don't have any kids yet, don't start.

    Find someone who respects and cares for you enough to end it with you before she starts letting other guys put their penises inside her.

    • I'm finding it extremely hard to live with it. I wanted to be a father later on as I'm right now still studying but now I can't even be intimate with her without thinking of everything they did during those months and how she threw away that ''One and only'' unique love. Now it's just old memories for me, old memories of our once innocent, teen love.

    • Show All
    • Yes, I'm been thinking of doing this. It sucks so badly that I've invested all this time, effort and energy on someone that obviously can't love me. No way you can love while having sex with someone else and for no good reason other than to feel validated. Today I'm going to be staying at a motel alone.

    • If you do it, getting out as fast and as painlessly as possible is what you want. Don't try to punish her. Just move on.

  • "did I make a mistake marrying young?"

    Nope. You made a mistake marrying at all. You should divorce her and hope you don't get screwed over there, too.

    Retreat, recover, learn from this and don't remarry.

  • In short, you did not make a mistake by marrying too young. You just married the wrong person.

    Cheating on your spouse is not a mistake, its a calculated action that they do. Don't listen to her false apologies, for someone who cheats on their spouse telling lies is nothing. This woman has shown herself to be capable of only thinking of herself and will throw you under the bus anytime it is convenient for her to do so. Sorry you got caught up in her trap, some people just are evil and get

    a kick out of watching a good person suffer. Get away, get a divorce, and never talk to this woman again.

  • Hope you don't have any kids. Lawyer up, sorry this happened.

    • No, I don't have kids. After this, I don't even feel like touching her. Everything we did together seems like nothing but ghostly memories.

    • Show All
    • In fact, figure out the best lawyers in your town and have a 1hr meeting with them. It may cost you some money possibly, but she can't use them after that due to conflict of interest.

    • Thank you and will be doing that next week. I'm going to use all this time to be alone (don't feel like coming home to see her today and won't) and then I was thinking of focusing on this cute girl from my workplace. I always had options but declined them because I was never a cheater. But now after what she did, I feel like considering those options.

  • You made a mistake and so did she, you both married too young, and with no real life experience behind you.

    Now, do you want to compound the mistake? Or will you realize that most people will cheat over the course of their lives, and it's not always worth ending a relationship over?

    • I'm over 40. I've never cheated. I don't think I will. I like to think I'd be kind enough to someone that I care about to break up with them before I took up with another person. Sorry, but that's one area where I think it's just fine to have uncompromising standards. Short version: Homie don't play that.

    • That's why it's "most" people Dionysos - there's exceptions to everything, like yourself.

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