How bad of a mistake is it to grab a drink with an ex-girlfriend?

So here are the facts: This was my first serious relationship ever, we were close friends for over a year before we started dating, dated about 9 months, then she broke up with me and was with another guy 2 weeks later. I've dated several others since then, she's dated a couple, but ultimately we were both single when we met again last week on accident. It's been about a year and a half since we broke up.

I was dancing with another girl, she was with several friends of hers. I found out that night my grandfather had died and got very drunk. My ex managed to corner me as I got off the phone and asked if everything was okay... and then somehow I found myself dancing with her for a while that night, however aforementioned dancer girl later came to tear me away back with her. I got dancer girl's number later but seeing my ex still troubled me, on several levels. She still could read me like a book, and she definitely hadn't danced like she was trying to be just a friend.

Flash forward to tonight. I'm now getting messages from her saying it was great to see me, asking how I was holding up, telling me her new friends all thought I was cute, and asking if I wanted to get a drink with her.

Even with how badly she hurt me when she dumped me about a year and a half ago... I really want to see her again. I haven't met anyone who made me feel half the way she did. It was easily one of the happiest times of my life when we were together.

Am I just setting myself up for a whole world of hurt?
Update - she begged me to get back together, I said 'ok but we start from scratch and no sex until I'm sure you mean this', flew back for my grandpa's funeral and didn't hear from her again


Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly, this sounds like a terrible idea. Mostly because it sounds like you still really want something to happen. If you were totally over her it'd be a different story but it most certainly does NOT sound like that's the case. Even if you just wanted to have sex with her again I'd be more comfortable recommending this as a good idea.

    Let's think about what the circumstances of your breakup imply. You were with her for 9 months AND you were friends first. That together with the fact that she was with another guy only 2 WEEKS after dumping you tells us a lot. It tells us she was never really into you as a sexual partner/relationship. I'd guess the only reason she lasted as long as 9 months with you is because you were basically a "friend zone plus" guy to her. And the second she found someone who really flipped her switches, she dropped you like a bad habit and off she went.

    Now what was different, when you saw her out? She saw you dancing with another girl. This probably raised your value in her eyes--especially as the girl came back and took you away later in the evening. You must have SOMETHING going for you if this other girl was so keen to see you after all, right? But what's going to happen next? You'll get coffee or a drink or whatever and you won't be the guy who other girls want to get with--you'll be the old friend who's mourning the passing of his grandfather. To be blunt, that doesn't turn a girl on. "Sex" isn't the first think on her mind in that situation. "Supportive friend" is. So you're setting yourself up to end up right back where you were: in the "friend zone plus" space.

    You're best off staying away from her in your current state of mind. At least stay away from her one-on-one. If you do hang out with her, hang with her and her group of new friends who think you're cute. Work on THOSE girls. Even if you want to get back with your ex, you're best off drumming up interest there first.

    Good luck. I hope this helps.

    • Totally agree with this guy. If she can move on that quickly, I'm sorry to say but he's just not that into you.

    • Thanks. And pretty sure you meant to say "she's" not into you.

    • Thanks for Best Answer! How'd things go?

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What Guys Said 3

  • not looking at that subtext

    short term: good idea

    long term: either horrible idea or great idea

  • no.

  • Ive been through it, and am pretty much always going through it one way or another, and it always seems to end in hurt. Exes are exes for a reason. But, it never seems to stop me. I would tell myself ignore them, but I always fall for it again and again. Girls can sense when your weak and they move in quick, boost their ego and leave


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