What questions would you have for an ex who wanted to get back together over a year after dumping you?

After dating for a year and a half and being separated for a year and a half, I ran into my ex recently. I'd been dancing with another girl at a bar, ran into my ex, we chatted for a bit, but in the end I stuck around with the other girl. My ex had dumped me, and had been with another guy not long after. I figured best stay away, I didn't know if she was even still with the guy.

It definitely seems like that is a 'no', because she started liking all of my FB posts (she hadn't for a long time), texting me checking up on how I was doing, and finally asking if I wanted to get drinks with her.

When I didn't respond to getting drinks, she straight up called me (it went to VM cause I was busy at the time) and left me a long VM basically saying she missed me, I made her feel wanted and, well, she wanted to talk.

Being the idiot I am, I eventually agreed to talk. I had really liked this girl once upon a time. She was my first real girlfriend, we'd been close friends beforehand, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss her on an all-too-regular basis.

But even though I miss her, I'm not going to just accept her back. She dumped me, it hurt badly, and it took me months to become as happy as I was before again. I've got the one big question of 'why should this time be any different'. What else should I ask/do in this situation?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I personally would have no questions whatsoever. I think we will always miss people that came into our lives, some more than others... but if I was dumped, there is NO chance this person is getting again ever with me... especially if I was hurt that bad. If I overcame it, I don't need it anymore, even if miss them... it's natural, we are human and we miss things that were nice at one point of course! ... In fact, I wouldn't even be close friends with them at all. Maybe a polite hi and answering back every now and then if they truly insist, but not going out of my way to talk to them or "think" about what I should or could ask them because they want to reconcile. Even more-so if he clearly states he misses me because I made him feel wanted.. like WTF? so you come back because you don't feel wanted with the other people you preferred over me? HA! tough luck! I'm too busy making someone else feel wanted, that truly deserves my sincere sentiments.

    But I'm just different like that :D! most people like you, would give into the "i miss you, I loved the way you made me feel" and blah blah blah crap and give it another try... obviously you feel something and probably considering another chance with her because you bothered to make a question about it, so if that's truly what you want, then you should probably ask why she wants to get back together with you, and that you want an honest answer, not just because you make her feel wanted, because that's basically saying she feels lonely and that's the only reason she's going to you,(you're the only one that would take her back) & she feels rejected by all other guys she preferred over you... and what assures you that as soon as someone else makes her feel wanted she'll run away just like she did before? because obviously what she felt for you wasn't strong enough in the first place to keep her with you.

    My honest advice, ignore her...

    ...don't make her feel like she's still important to you after she cumbled up your little heart. If it didn't kill you before, it won't kill you now.. find someone that is worth your time, and worth the thought of what you should ask and do for her to make her feel special :]!

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What Girls Said 6

  • Ignore her, trust me she just feels jealous because she saw you with another girl. There is a very high probability she'd break your heart all over again.

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  • I do think if you feel strongly about her you should use this time to let her really prove to you that she wants to be with you. Make her really work for it and if she does that then she is genuine. Otherwise, she's just playing games and you shouldn't bother.

    The truth is, you'll never know the reasons for her missing you and wanting you back unless you ask her. I wouldn't do that right now but as with all things on this site, we can analyze things all day but we aren't that person.

    When you see an ex, if you're past what happened it's easy to want to chat with them and catch up a bit. I don't think that was malicious.

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  • With all due respect, you're not over her yet, she's lonely right now and you were dangling in front of her face. She saw you having fun (without "her"). Not only that, with "another" woman. Lol Good for you! But do you see it?

    Be still, make her show you (court you). Any person that really wants to be with you will do whatever it takes.

    Me, personallly, I'd say let's just be friends right now and leave it at that. I would have to be completely over that person emotionally before trying to start something new. Otherwise, all the BS from the past will surface eventually. If she asks why, how come, don't you care for me anymore, etc...stay away, that should tell you a lot when a person begs for your attention and affection.

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  • No questions. Don't take her back and move on.

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  • Don't do it! Bring that girl you danced with at the party to keep you company until this girl disappears. It will not be fun if you decide to give her a chance; just think of how bad she hurt you and how long it took you to get over it. Do you really want to go through that again?

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  • you should have some self respect and not go to her. she's manipulative. she sees you with another girl and she misses what she can't have.

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What Guys Said 6

  • I will not go back to her. I would speak just politely to her when talk to me. You should block her on Facebook.

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  • The only question I'd have is something along the lines of "Will you leave me alone?" I've been down that road before, no way I'd do it again.

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  • I would ask her how she could be fine with hurting me?

    The only advice I have to give you right now is stay away if you can, if it makes no sense to you.

    A girl that is fine with hurting you (breaking up) is selfish enough to not care for you and lack self-respect and respect for her man which means she can never really be in love with you for real.

    Love = Respect

    The only reason she broke up with you was because she didn’t respect you, now is this is a person you can honestly trust enough to invest your whole life in?

    Very unlikely.

    I’m not sure what you should do really it depends on your situation.

    How do you even explain breaking up with someone? There is nothing that can justify it, can someone please explain how it is possible, because I am really curious to if it works…

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  • I do not trust anyone who I am not friends with after breakup.

    If she wants to get along with me, she should start from the ground up, as friends. Tell me, would you follow your best friend who became a boss/leader, then in a huge turnabout, unceremoniously fires you, stops being your friend. Then a year later claims that both of you should be friends again and then tries to woo you back to the company?

    I'd say no way. I thought I knew you, but apparently you were a stranger all along.

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  • I'd look at how your past relationship went, have a talk about that. Have you both learned from your mistakes?

    or

    I'd give her a shot but take it really slowly, definitely explain to her that she hurted you and see how things go after a couple of dates.

    or

    Ask her to leave me alone, but that's probably the least likely way to go since you do seem to have a positive view on her.

    Everything depends on how and why she broke up and how she handled it though.

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  • If I was you I would stay far away from her. She basically dumped you for another guy & for all you know she was seeing him when she dumped you. Usually a girl won't just leave unless there was someone else. I guarantee you didn't cross her mind when she was with the other guy.

    When someone does that, you don't ever give them that chance to do it again because if they do it once they'll have no problem doing it again whether it's in one month or one yr. Have some respect for yourself & ignore her. And the only thing that is different now is she's not pre-occupied with the guy she dumped you for so she's lonely. When another one comes along it'll be deja-vu.

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    • I totally agree, it seems she just wants your attention. She hurt you and don't forget that.

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