Ex contacts me first a lot but ignores my invitations to hang out again. What's going on?

So my ex girlfriend and I are trying to work things out. We've never broken up for serious reasons. We were really close in high school. I rejected her invitation to the prom because of my fear of dancing. She rejected me later that year because she was in a relationship with the guy who asked her to the prom. I left and went to college. We started talking again. We eventually dated. I quickly left because I was nervous about being judged by others. (We're from totally different ethnic cultures and it made me nervous. This also contributed to the prom thing but I'm over it) We got back together. Then shortly after, She left because her self-esteem plummeted after an incident. (She unknowingly gave me an STD she contracted from a guy she dated while we were separated) More time passed and we decided to try again. We've talked about the incident but I can tell somethings still bothering her. I know we have a shotty past but After all of this I still love having her around and really want to try and handle our past like adults. I also have a history of blowing up over text which I've learned how to control. Which brings me to the current issue. She takes forever to respond to a text. Not that big of a problem There's no need for us to text constantly. However, every time I mention hanging out she completely ignores them. The first time I eventually backed out of the date. I was buying tickets to a movie premier, they were going to sell out and decided to go with friends instead. The second time I just assumed she didn't want to go and didn't want to just say so. (It was an odd event and honestly I only half way wanted to go myself) She literally waited hours then texted me something irrelevant. I responded and she decided to wait until after the event started to text me again. I thought maybe she was getting cold feet about dating again so I quit texting her. I was trying to give her space. I honestly believe she's a slight commitment-phobe and I know I have a history of attachment issues. So I've been trying to control myself and not be excessively clingy. Well she eventually contacts me and asks me if if I was in town then informed me that she would be there in a few days. So I asked if she wanted to do something. No reply. At all. it's been a day. I really just want to know what's going on but she won't even give me a chance to talk to her. I'm not breaking up with her cause I'm tired of running everytime something goes wrong but what the hell is going on. She won't answer my calls, won't agree to see me, and barely texts. Yet If I go more than a couple days without texting her she randomly contacts me. In person it's amazing we clique very well. I just can't figure out what she's doing. Would love to talk to her about it but I can't. I know people are gonna say I need to move on I'm wasting time but those answers are something I've already considered. Also sorry this is so long. Thank you for reading this.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • "She won't answer my calls, won't agree to see me, and barely texts."

    This is pretty clear indication that she's not very interested in you. Someone who is really interested will not ignore your calls and will at least make a effort to hang out. She doesn't seem to be emotionally invested in whatever you two have at all. Her random texts are likely during moments of boredom. This girl knows you like her. She's taking you for granted and secretly enjoys controlling your emotions and knowing that you are hung up on her. She knows when she needs you, you'll be there regardless of the way she treats you. This is not the way it should be. A relationship or friendship is 50/50. You can't be putting in and she's just taking out. People like this have no respect for you or your feelings. She's basically abusing your feelings and treating you like a joke. I've been in a similar position as you before and realized eventually that the harsh truth is they don't feel the same because if they did, they wouldn't be treating you the way they do. Move on xx

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    • I kind of expected this answer but it just doesn't sound right. She's the one that expressed serious interest. She's the one that contacted me. She's the one that keeps hinting at me meeting her mother. She brings up future dates in person all the time I just haven't solidified any recently. We even planned a date for the end of the month (not sure if it's still happening). She's just been acting weird recently and I don't understand why.

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    • Yeah she could have a lot to deal with mentally if her dad is in hospital. You can still be her friend and perhaps when her dad is better you can try to ask her again. It's a fair question and you don't want to be stringed along.

    • Later that night she asked me to come over when she got home from the hospital on Thursday then cancelled. Then Thursday night everything felt fine. she asked me to spend today and Saturday with her and meet her mom. Last time we dated I never actually met her parents in person but I've spoken to her mom over the phone so she wanted me to actually meet her. Well as expected she cancelled again. She at least bothered to give an excuse this time. She rescheduled for Saturday night but I'm doubtful

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