POLL: why do men come back?

I've had Proper ex bfs, dates and flings all come back. Sometimes they get in touch weeks after the breakup, sometimes months. But 2/3 do. I just don't understand why? I'm now 27, I've been saying since I was 19. So it's over that period of time. I used to put it down to a man only truly appreciating me after he compares me to the next girl, but then there were some guys who didn't have a girlfriend after. Thoughts?

For the record - I never went back. To me, once done it's done.
  • For Sex/Affection
    Vote A
  • They're now ready for more - maybe weren't before
    Vote B
  • They realize how great you are through loss
    Vote C
  • Familiar ground - safety
    Vote D
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
I don't mean to sound harsh by "when it's done it's done", I suppose I haven't felt (in my heart) that I want to try again. Not yet anyway. Maybe that's a better way of saying it.

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78

Most Helpful Guy

  • Some men will probably come back for sex. Usually I don't do that. I will come back either wanting to get back together or as a friend. But it all depends on the circumstances of the breakup whether mutual or not. If there was no attraction, that's how it is and I might come back trying to be friends to justify the time spent together and Invested. If the breakup was an emotional reaction or disagreement, then in that case Id might want to try again because you might step back and realize that the good did in fact outweigh the bad and the breakup might have been a mistake. And while some people just don't agree, a lot of times people don't know how to compromise and work things out in relationships. Everytime I've been in a relationship with someone, I do everything to make an effort to keep the relationship and probably act in the most selfless ways. Everyone I've dated has taken the "my way or the highway " approach. Then, at the first sign of trouble or disagreement want to break up because they're too lazy to make the slightest effort to compromise and resolve a dissagreement. Then you either have to be a pushover to solve the situation and to avoid argument or be an "asshole" and potentially ruin the relationship. But as I've grown older and wiser, I realize that I don't want to be with these self-centered people anyhow. Unfortunately, so many people are and I'm not. So, I have a tendency to get walked over when trying to do good for someone else and it pisses me off. So, as far as I'm concerned , good riddence to these people. Relationships should be a mutual thing not all me or all them or otherwise a power struggle between the guy and girl. A power struggle is not what love or even friendship is about.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • Because they still have feelings for you and they want to see if they could lead anywhere.

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  • None of those reasons. It's because men are not as emotional as the other gender. They forget easily and it is much easier to soften a man's stance to the opposite gender than the other way around.

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  • There are a couple answers here.

    1. (And this is the most likely answer) sex, plain and simple. Whatever things you were doing to annoy them finally outweighed the sex enough for them to leave. Or there was maybe another girl in the wings that looked more attractive and was promising sex or gave them sex. But once that well dries up, then they come back to familiar waters hoping to get another drink.

    2. They guy realizes that whatever kind of crazy you bring to the table isn't half as crazy as other women are. So appreciation after the fact.

    Those are the two most likely scenarios. The details of each scenario may change, but it comes down to physical feelings (sex) or emotional feelings.

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  • I don't think you should feel the need to justify yourself. I think sometimes things end cause people change or cause the spark that used to be there no longer isn't. And I agree with the male anonymous user how there could be many reasons why lads come back.

    However, if I'm honest if a girl ended something with me that's it for me id never go running back to her or if I ended it the same applies.There's usually a reason why it ended in the first place. Personal experience has shown me why going back isn't always a good thing. Sometimes in life you have to accept things are over and move on.

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  • I didn't choose any of the options in the poll because the answer would depend on the guy, the girl and the circumstances, and could be any one of the things you listed, or something else.

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    • in short, this is what I meant, even thought I voted C. People are quick to associate a negative connotation with anyone labeled an ex. And women automatically think a guy is just coming back to get sex and use them. I ve attempted to go back to exes for very genuine reasons like for example realizing you broke up over a disagree rather than trying to resolve it...technicalities, etc etc. Of course all depends on the circumstances. Some people though should be called exes for good reasons.

  • Well First of all I don't agree with the when it's done it's done philosophy. People change. I think sticking to such a stringent rule will cut a lot of potential out of your life. But that's your choice. Second I think generalizing all guys like that is dangerous. Some guys may come back because there lonely. Others because they couldn't find another girl they liked better. Some guys may honestly just like you and want to try again it may have nothing to do with any one else at all. In short they all most likely have different reasons because all men don't think the same. Just like all women don't think the same.

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What Girls Said 7

  • I didn't read the whole post but in my experience it's been for sex. They can't find anyone to screw so they come crawling back. I never take them back though. lol

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  • as I always say> guys are like boomerangs. they always come back. And it's because they want sex.

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  • it's C and D.

    You're a man magnet.

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  • It can be any of those

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  • Because you're a backup plan when the others fail

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    • Also what the girl said below

  • It can be a combination of pretty much anything. Loneliness, they're horny, they're bored, they want to see if they still have a shot, they want to see if you've changed your mind, they want to see if they'll be able to "sweep you off your feet" one more time, they haven't found someone who is as great as you are, they're tired of trying to get to know new girls all over again, you're just there so why not etc etc etc.

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  • Most likely for sex.

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