Are we in a relationship or not? Explain his response.

Not too sure how serious this guy is about me. We've been dating for about a month and a bit and I really enjoy our time together but he isn't overly expressive about his feelings or where he's at with things.

I was the one to ask him out and since then we've taken turns planning dates and asking when the other person is free to do things. We don't text much, maybe one or two times a week between dates and it is only ever a couple texts back and forth. We only see each other once a week because our schedules are so busy but before that we would see each other about three times a week because we are in uni together (knew each other for a while before we started going out).

He does put effort to come see me and stuff and always insist on paying when we go out so I know there is a certain level of interest and he isn't a very social guy to begin with. My main area of concern is when I asked him what was happening between us. I asked if we were in a relationship and he turned it back on me without giving me any indication of where he was at, just said "I don't know, are we?". I let him know I would be happy to be in one with him and he followed it up with echoing my response but not elaborating or anything and that was the end of the discussion and it hasn't been brought up since. Now I'm worried that he is only with me because it is convenient (ie. I asked him out so he knows I like him therefore no rejection etc)

Since our "talk" since we haven't brought up what we are doing with each other again I'm not even totally sure if we settled on being together or not.

Do you guys think this is something casual to him, or more serious and I'm just being crazy?

If it makes a difference we aren't having sex yet. He isn't overly affectionate in public (though he is starting to do a bit more now, but no hand holding or anything of the like) but likes to cuddle/kiss and stuff in private and has expressly told me he likes to do these things when we are alone together.

Can you explain why he left it up to me to decide if we were together. (even though I don't feel like we even really decided)

Another thing to note is that he's never been in a romantic relationship with someone, only physical.

**We are in our twenties


Most Helpful Guy

  • Some guys will commit to a woman in a matter of weeks while others make take months and months to commit.

    The truth is, many of guys will not relinquish their freedom to date other women until they are absolutely certain that being in a monogamous relationship with one woman in particular is essential to their happiness and overall quality of life.

    In your case, I think his avoidance to answer you is a clear indication of his unwillingness to commit to you after a month or so of dating you. So, to answer your question, you are not in a relationship with him.

    Now, that's not a misrepresentation of himself or the time he has invested in seeing you. It simply implies that it's a premature decision to make to him.

    Even so, I suggest you only commit to this guy when it is clear that he has developed feelings for you. Otherwise, you may end up in a committed relationship with him without the glue (emotional attachment) that keep most relationships bound.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • It's pretty clear that you're not really in any sort of relationship. He doesn't seem too interested with his shows of indifference. Regardless it feeds a carnal behavior.


What Girls Said 2

  • I think you are in one.

    I think you might be right about his level of interest and commitment being lower then yours, that the low pressure and low chance of rejection have a lot to do with his interest.

    He might be nervous, shy and passive..

  • Seems like it, he may just be cautious.